What would you do if you were me - DD failing at school

[captainvontrap]

DD is 8. She’s bright, happy, funny and popular. She’s emotionally steady and very well behaved at home and school. She tries hard at her school work. She has a couple of extra curricular activities that she loves. She’s very fit and loves sports.

But she’s behind at school and has been at ‘working towards’ in reading, writing and maths since year 1.

School say she needs instructions broken down and repeated and is distracted in class settings. She does much better 1-1 or 1-2/3.

They have referred to CAMHS twice but both times, understandably given her social skills and steady temperament, they have refused to take the assessment further.

An EP organised by school said that she finds it hard to translate her thoughts into written work and finds it hard to focus on subjects that don’t interest her but she’s not lacking intelligence and is articulate beyond her years with very good emotional intelligence and social skills.

School are trying written prompts and breaks and the teacher gives her as much 1-1 support as possible (the TA too).

I know she won’t want to do any tutoring outside school as she feels that she works hard at school and wants to leave school work there.

She doesn’t have any screen time other than watching films at the weekend.

I am very unconfident about school work and don’t seem to have any gift when it comes to explaining things.

So what do I do. Wait until she wants to learn / get tutored? Wait and see if she gets better and focusing? Pursue private diagnosis and support ideas?

please please help if you can. I feel I am failing her.

Pursue private diagnosis and support ideas.

I'd be exploring apps for a tablet that can help her with maths and reading . The level of distraction and the disinterest in subjects she doesn't like really sounds like adhd , its typical for girls not to display the behavioural issues that boys typically do.

I think try to get a private diagnosis. Sounds like a learning difficulty. Is she behind in everything or some areas? Doesn’t sound like it is about pushing harder

It sounds possible she has ADHD but it also sounds like it might just be the way she is. Some people do just find it harder than others to concentrate.

I would do two things:

Encourage the extracurriculars so she feels like she has stuff in her life she is good at and doesn't lose confidence

Find educational stuff to do that taps into her interest/is fun - there are various educational subscription boxes you could try. Board games also can be very good for teaching problem solving, practicing maths

Thanks so much all. She does like maths when it’s entirely practical, such as monopoly or dividing pocket money. The teachers say abstract concepts are what she finds hard in maths. I think I could get a private diagnosis, how do you begin this does anyone know?

Yes to following the line of a private diagnosis.

But act now to support her with her learning as even with a diagnosis, she won’t necessarily qualify for extra TA support or magically catch-up.

I would prioritise one area at a time (so she’s not overwhelmed) and I would recommend starting with reading if she is behind in this. Reading underpins almost ever other subject and will raise her overall confidence in understanding her school work.

Try Reading Eggs or 5 minute mum has lots of good game ideas to support phonics and reading. Set a timer so she knows how long she needs to focus for (start small - 5 mins maybe and then gradually increase if possible. Read to her every day and let her pick books which interest her from the library. Take it in turns to read a section/paragraph each and discuss what you have read.

I, personally, would start with a private assessment by an educational psychologist and perhaps a speech and language therapist as well (I am one, but I don’t do paediatric work so my understanding is limited - private speech therapists findable at www.asltip.com).

I’d look at music lessons. I believe 100% both in the importance of music for its own sake and the impact of learning music on other cognitive functions. If she has expressed an interest in any instrument then go for that, if not then maybe just go for violin or piano, and/or singing lessons.

Id also have her doing as much as possible of things she’s good at. Is there a youth theatre within reach? Brownies? She sounds a bit of a leader.

Following on from the suggest of SALT assessment, is this something the school could arrange? They did for my DS totally unprompted by me.

It actually sounds like school have been very helpful so far. You’ve had a lot more support than we got when mine were younger.

A diagnosis being no additional funding, help or helps provide access to anything. I know parents think it helps get more support but it does not.
Concentrate on perhaps reading around a subject she likes, look at films in those books, visiting places around the book or story.

I wouldn’t be interested in a diagnosis as such but what I’d want to know is the child’s cognitive profile and any specific issues that need addressing.

Thank you all so much. I really am feeling out of my depth. I will
look at private diagnosis and I will really push reading over the summer as I do agree it’s vital and can see how much it has underpinned my own life long learning. Also interesting that people have mentioned youth theatre as that is her passion and she does 3 hours singing and acting a week.

Also where do you start with private diagnosis?

Do you do any school work at home with her?

Haven’t read the ft..do you read to her, perhaps at bedtime? And does she see you and her dad reading for pleasure ( books not online).

If she’s had several years of being behind I would absolutely prioritise some kind of tutoring style catch up before any kind of diagnosis. It’s crazy to not do this because you’re not willing or able to do schoolwork outside of school, but are perfectly happy to go down a diagnosis route. Doubly so if you have never done extra school work to support or consolidate learning.

The compound effect of being behind over several years will add up and schools don’t have the resources to bring people up to speed again. If it takes her a bit longer to get things than others, school won’t spend that extra time.

I would 100% pursue a private diagnosis. Kids like this often cope until about year 9 and then get in real difficulties. If you have private diagnosis letters in your hand already then it's much easier to get an EHCP in place quickly at that point. If you don't have any diagnosis or assessment letters then it is much much harder to get them quickly or at all when the child is distressed and her school placement has failed.

Some kids just find school hard. Some kids pick things up faster. I would consider outside tutoring. So what if she doesn’t want to. One or two hours a week could give a good idea of what & why she’s struggling.

Sounds exactly like my child. We did get an educational psychologist to assess and then private diagnosis with a paediatrician but to be honest I don’t think this has done anything… we didn’t go for an ehcp as, although he’s not achieving his potential, as far as school (or the government) are concerned he’d be within acceptable levels. Private tuition has made the world of difference - taking them from working towards to achieving above.

I totally agree with the no tutoring. It is great that she uses her free time to pursue other activities and does not have screens - well done.

Not all children are academic OP. As you say - she is good at practical things (adding up as part of a game etc). This may just be how she will be. Not that great at exams and essays, but good with her hands and other skills.
I would be encouraging her to read at home, and doing number practice in the form of games. it of writing too over the summer (journal, scrap book etc).

Could be dyslexia. My dd is a bit like this - bright and sociable but was getting behind by year 3/4 - school results didn’t seem to tally with her level of intelligence. Loves stories but prefers listening to them on Audible.
School said she needed to focus more and get better organised. Eventually I pushed it and they did a screener which showed low processing speed. We then went to a dyslexia specialist who did a three hour assessment with her and diagnosed dyslexia. We also did a visual stress test. Total cost around £600.
She now has adjustments in place, works hard and has just got really good SATs results!

We also did online group tuition for two terms in year 6, which helped.

Ask the school ed psych. She could have any number of things done of which an ed psych rather than camhs can get to the bottom of.
Read bedtime stories, do fun things that feed into numeracy - cooking is good. Get her to write down plans for the day. Wishlists, shopping lists, any old practical thing. Sewing? Any planning tasks. Follow every other interest that she has such as music, art, sports. Look at summer as time for development rather than tutoring. A tutor who doesn‘t know her and her difficulties do not have set up to deal with those particular diagnoses could make your DD feel more defeated. But once you do have a better idea of what difficulties are then it‘s easier but DD needs success and/or to see application of skills brings reward as first off.

Has she had a good eye test? A friend of mines child is actually really bright but has a rare condition which impacts his ability to read- it’s not exactly dyslexia. My point being- she could be masking something and trying really hard. She sounds absolutely adorable by the way. I hope you get things sorted in a way that makes you all happy.

I think you want a educational psychologist to assesses and break down where the problems are and to suggest strategies though it does sound like a proactive school.

You could try free trial mathsfactor or other on-line maths sites bbc one have changed since my DC - BBC bitesized games- my inattentive ADHD child like it (they were diagonsed at uni though so may be more able to cope) semed to like the feed back plus it being on a computer.

School say she needs instructions broken down and repeated and is distracted in class settings. She does much better 1-1 or 1-2/3.

DS was like this his working memory was terrible - only became clear to us when we started apple and pears spelling program as he couldn't remember more than a few words - at home we were doing reminders and repeat backs and one step instructions automatically.

I had to follow a program as I'm dsylexic and very poor speller so needed a clear program to follow other wise it would have been blind leading the blind. It covered puncation and watching them write it became very clear they were forming letters wrong and grip was wrong.

We also did their reading program - they needed a lot of home support but caught up but we used bribery and routine and had time to sit with them. It she resistent to that - try fun programs or if you can afford a private tutor - and they may also help you pin down the actual issues.

Also have you checked hearing and eyes - just to rule out there being any problems there.