What would you do if you were me - DD failing at school

[captainvontrap]

DD is 8. She’s bright, happy, funny and popular. She’s emotionally steady and very well behaved at home and school. She tries hard at her school work. She has a couple of extra curricular activities that she loves. She’s very fit and loves sports.

But she’s behind at school and has been at ‘working towards’ in reading, writing and maths since year 1.

School say she needs instructions broken down and repeated and is distracted in class settings. She does much better 1-1 or 1-2/3.

They have referred to CAMHS twice but both times, understandably given her social skills and steady temperament, they have refused to take the assessment further.

An EP organised by school said that she finds it hard to translate her thoughts into written work and finds it hard to focus on subjects that don’t interest her but she’s not lacking intelligence and is articulate beyond her years with very good emotional intelligence and social skills.

School are trying written prompts and breaks and the teacher gives her as much 1-1 support as possible (the TA too).

I know she won’t want to do any tutoring outside school as she feels that she works hard at school and wants to leave school work there.

She doesn’t have any screen time other than watching films at the weekend.

I am very unconfident about school work and don’t seem to have any gift when it comes to explaining things.

So what do I do. Wait until she wants to learn / get tutored? Wait and see if she gets better and focusing? Pursue private diagnosis and support ideas?

please please help if you can. I feel I am failing her.

I would go for a private ed psych if you can afford it - try to get one that has a broad base - some seem to do little but dyslexia. My DD was similar in many respects and we didn't get to the bottom of it until year 10. Turns out she had mild dyslexia and adhd but significant dyspraxia. I didn't realise until then that dyspraxic children think differently - for example DD couldn't do a reading comprehension unless she read out loud/couldn't do a science practial and then tell you what she'd done - but could relate in detail if she'd watched the teacher do it etc etc was transformational to understand how she learnt.

I'd also strongly recommend music lessons - many of the major orchestras have activity days for children where they can look at instruments/meet the players and then have a child friendly concert so look out for one of those. If not then perhaps try and watch a bit of one of the proms on I player and see which instruments take her fancy.

This sounds very like my DS10 at around that age. Particularly needing instructions broken down into chunks. Like your DD, he has no social issues and has a higher than average vocabulary etc, but can not translate it onto paper. He is dyslexic, and was identified as such via the Support for Learning team at his school. Does your school have anything similar? I’m in Scotland, appreciate that there are probably regional differences.
We are about 3 years on from his initial ‘diagnosis’ and his progression is amazing. He is in top groups for maths, literacy and even spelling. He still struggles with remember sequences etc, but is feeling much more confident in his abilities.

Sounds like ds1. He has a specific difficulty around working memory and breaking tasks down. We got him assessed for dyslexia and this was the result -negative for dyslexia but they found specific areas that needed support. School was more helpful with the report.

We are also considering ADHD for him too.

I have a bright child with severe dyslexia, and a bright child with ADHD .
For both, a private diagnosis was key - not so much for support from school, but for support from us!
Your daughter is at school for about 6 hours a day in termtime. There is a lot time support at home, and her still having loads of time for play and hobbies.
Just 30 minutes per day (every day - make it a habit) of targeted interventions can make all the difference . We use/used mathsfactor for maths, tt rockstar, Toe by toe for reading, loads of reading together (additional to the 30 minutes - find book she loves and read alternate sentences)
The gaps are only going to get bigger without intervention

Everyone saying pursue a private diagnosis - what of?

OP what specifically did the EP say in their report? Are there no assessments completed or recommendations made? No outcomes identified or hypothesis on what's going on?

Do you read with her at home? Does she read herself? I’d probably start with reading with her for half an hour each day.

Is she summer born? I so, it is likely she will catch up by year 6.

If she is well behaved both in school and at home and during extra curricular activities which she does well at, then ADHD is unlikely.

My advice would be to have her hearing checked, there are free audiogram apps you can download that are as accurate as hospital tests. I have a hearing loss that was missed in my childhood hearing tests as they don't test a wide enough range of sounds for certain hearing defecits in the early years tests. I suggest this as it sounds like she has auditory processing difficulties, without the behavioural social and emotional side.

If you can afford it then find an Ed Psych for assessment, school may be able to point you towards someone local. It would definitely be helpful to get a diagnosis if she has a specific learning difficulty - said as a parent who has had ed psych assessments for my children and as a teacher. A diagnosis doesn’t change the child but it might allow professionals insight in how to help her even if it won’t give funding for additional classroom help.
It sounds as if she won’t tolerate additional work, but it’s always worth reading together and cooking is another way to learn without the book work.

Apply for an EHC needs assessment and try get school to back you on her needing 1-1. It seems like that's largely recognised already

My ds struggled to get his thoughts on paper. Also very intelligent.

Have a look at metacognitive thinking and see if anything resonates.

If it does you can use tools to help her plan her responses to tasks.

My ds was always behind in reading and writing and still now has a spelling age of 8 and reading age of 14 - but works as a software developer.

Sometimes it’s finding the thing that helps them in school rather than what they struggle with being a lifelong problem for them iyswim?

If she needs things repeating it would be worth getting her hearing checked, I'd also get her eyes tested if they haven't been recently. I agree with seeing an Ed Psych if possible they'll hopefully be able to get to the bottom of what her issues are exactly and what might be causing them.

I agree with reading to her everyday and getting her to read to you everyday. Try different things to make it more fun like taking it in turns to read a page or two of her book each, read it in a silly voice or put on voices for characters. Go to the library so she can choose some books there. Talk about what might happen next in the books and see who's right.

It wouldn't surprise me if she's dyslexic, there can be processing issues, issues with working memory and executive function beyond just 'struggling with reading'. I hope you get to the bottom of it soon.

She’s already had an EP assessment, so the EP should have made suggestions to school about what support she needs to make progress. School will monitor that and should seek further advice if she doesn’t progress. Some kids are just below average with no diagnosable needs. It sounds like she’s got lots of strengths but academics just aren’t her thing at the moment, but that’s not to say she won’t get there in the end.

I would start with a private assessment. When we needed one, our school had a list of providers in the city. They stated very clearly that they could not recommend anyone while also saying that if we did our own investigation we would find that one name came up again and again as the premiere expert. Coincidentally, the staff members finger was pointed distinctly at that experts name as she said this and handed us the paper.

I also want to give a little pitch for becoming your child’s tutor when they are resisting formal tutoring. You don’t have to be a teacher or well versed in pedagogy. You just have to know your own child and watch for patterns in how your child learns. You can become an expert on one child pretty easily, especially if that child likely has a brain that functions a bit like your own. Sometimes all a child needs is someone who can sit with them and talk them through the concept until they find a way to make it click.

If it is reading, while you are waiting on an assessment I also recommend trying techniques that are radically different than what the school uses. If they do phonics, use whole word. (I hate phonics btw, didn’t work for me or my ASD dd, but we are both hyperlexic and have no problem reading or writing). Try making reading physical. Put words on note cards and scatter them around the room to run and pick up or jump on the word when you call it out. This is how we did math fact memorization which was a struggle.