How important is it that parents attend school events?

[TheMummyJade]

Hi all! My two oldest children attend a school with a very busy calendar. They are currently at the junior school, but I have heard of their classmates parents attending events even at the senior school e.g. luncheons, balls, productions. I assumed this was because they had children attending the senior school, or that are involved in these events. But after talking to other parents, they attend simply to be a part of the school community.

Now I'm starting to feel like my husband and I are the only parents not as involved in the school events as the other parents. Unfortunately though, my husband and I do not have the time to attend these events, between work and our younger children, attending these events is simply not a priority.

So I'm just on here to ask how often others are attending school events, especially the ones your children aren't involved in, and how important we think it is that parents attend these. Thanks in advance mumsnetters x

I make all my effort to be at events, it's either my husband, mother in law or my friend if none of us can. The school give us enough notice to sort something out work wise to attend. I only work the afternoons and everything apart from sports day is the morning.

My son doesn't always want to take part but he remembers that we were there.

We try to do everything our DC are in between us. Absolutely would not go to an event my DC were not involved in. Who has the time for that!

This.

@FutureMandosWife Wow, love this for your son, he is so lucky to have you all xx I wish my husbands work was forgiving enough to allow time off for the children's school events, but unfortunately he is not in that position, and is only able to attend those on weekend evenings, but prefers to spend that time at home with me and the children. I personally would love to attend the sports events and productions, but it is extremely difficult for me to bring my younger children to them.

@Brightasarainbow Yep, totally agree with this! I don't find it necessary to attend senior school band performances when my child is at the primary school... why do other parents!? 😂

As a full time working single mum, I always attended parents evening, everything that ds was actually taking part in, and other things he wanted me at if I could.

It was important ds felt supported but a balance between obligations.

Nothing at other schools because there were several options.

This exactly.

@Meadowfinch We've always attended the evenings where we can meet their teachers, but I find things like parent balls, luncheons, productions and recitals unnecessary, unless my child is in it.

We always did our best to attend events in which our children were involved. Wouldn't dream of going otherwise and I don't know anyone else who would do that either.

You're doing what 99% of parents do, attend as much as possible the events that your child is a part of.

It's not a you problem it's the other parents that are the oddities here, who attends balls or plays at a school where you have no children? That's just weird.

I can’t see the point in attending an event your child is not involved in. It sounds like a private school set up where people want to be seen and make connections. Honestly once they are through school you will never see these people again.

I attend everything my children are in. I work full time & use my leave where i cant work flexibly. Most things are only for up to an hour so it's easy to fit them around work (taking my lunch break at a different time to watch their play, starting a bit later or finishing a bit earlier one day etc).

I definitely wouldn't attend events they weren't actively participating in but have always prioritised attending their shows, work alongside your child, sports days etc.

I have 3 DC and have attended over 95% of everything all 3 have done. My DH has attended most stuff too & has always covered anything I haven't been able to get to.

All 3 DC (including the 2 that are now adults) were always pleased when we attended & remember it now as being important that we showed up for them.

Depending on how many events there are a year (about 10 a year is my experience), if I was you, I would certainly being attending as many as possible as they do spend a lot of time looking for their parents/grandparents/family friends etc in the audience & are always so happy when they finally spot the face of the person who is there to watch them.

This.

@converseandjeans Yes! After speaking with other parents, I think it is to do with the private school system. Definitely the idea of networking and making connections, but my children are still so young!! 😂😂

Like other posters, between us we went to everything involving dd, whether she had a specific role or not.

It wouldn't have occurred to me to go to anything that she wasn't involved in, unless she wanted to watch a friend in something etc. Nobody has time for that!!

When my so was at primary I was a full time teacher so I didn’t attend any during the day activities. I went to every evening one though. My son is now a teenager and says he wasn’t bothered - he was too busy having fun with his mates. I wouldn’t worry about it.

When I was a SAHM, I went to everything my kids were involved in, and volunteered for stuff that they were and weren't involved in (so the luncheons etc I'd have gone to (for free) as a volunteer if requested).

Now I work with very rigid leave parameters. I'll go to things my kids are involved in if they fit round work, but it's rare I can e.g. go to sports day. DH goes if he's in the country.

So my attendance has very much varied depending on what else is going on in my life! I go if I can, but don't stress if I can't. I definitely wouldn't go to anything my kids aren't involved in now.

I always attend any plays/sports days/Christmas concerts etc if my son is in them - but absolutely no way would I attend any other school events. Maybe the summer fete if my son wanted to go. My DH would go to some too when he can get time off work, but that’s not always possible. I have more flexibility though so it’s easy enough for me to attend anything my son is in/wants me there for.

This!

I'm guessing this is a private school? They can be completely different to state schools with expectations.

However my DDs are at the local Comprehensive and its very normal for the annual Smschool Musical to ve attended by other parents , villagers etc as they have the reputation of being very good. Parents of the cast and crew get 48hrs to book tickets before the General release

It's a private school thing, and most parents won't be doing that.

Prioritize your children's events and otherwise only attend things that sound fun or you can take your children to (and they'll enjoy them). We will go to senior school theatre productions with any of our children who want to go, or some sporting events, or seasonal festivals but we treat them as community events and go when it suits. Both DH and I grew up in rural places (though on different continents) and I think we sort of treat the school as our little village - the fall senior school musical is like the community theatre production where we'll chat with people we know outside and enjoy an inexpensive outing on a Friday evening, for example. Our younger ones look forward to being part of things like senior school drama productions and on the upper-level sports teams and enjoy feeling like a part of the larger school and I'm happy to add to the applause and faces in the crowd to support everyone's hard work, but it's not a to-do list item or something to stress over.

What we don't do is treat being a school parent like a social competition, currying favor and making sure we're being seen. Who has time for that?

We attend everything of our kids are participating. We attend nothing that doesn’t have them in it - honestly who has that kind of time.

My social circle isn’t derived from school luncheons or balls. Can’t think of anything worse.

At state school you often don't know for certain which senior school your kids will be at until offers day so why put time into a school community that might not be the one your kids are part of?

Most parents won’t be able to attend due to work/child care. I doubt many are able to choose or even afford to take time off for these events.

I attend all that my DS is in. I do also attend most that he isn't as I am chair of the PTA so feel that I should. If I weren't I wouldn't.