How important is it that parents attend school events?

[TheMummyJade]

Hi all! My two oldest children attend a school with a very busy calendar. They are currently at the junior school, but I have heard of their classmates parents attending events even at the senior school e.g. luncheons, balls, productions. I assumed this was because they had children attending the senior school, or that are involved in these events. But after talking to other parents, they attend simply to be a part of the school community.

Now I'm starting to feel like my husband and I are the only parents not as involved in the school events as the other parents. Unfortunately though, my husband and I do not have the time to attend these events, between work and our younger children, attending these events is simply not a priority.

So I'm just on here to ask how often others are attending school events, especially the ones your children aren't involved in, and how important we think it is that parents attend these. Thanks in advance mumsnetters x

@GetDressedYouMerryGentlemen The junior school is attached to the senior school, most children attend both schools, or join for senior schooling. So its not like its an entirely different school community x

We made an effort to ensure that at least one of us went to everything that our children were actually participating in but I never went to events that they weren't in. My DC are adults now but I do still follow their old schools on social media and will sometimes drop in if they're having a Christmas Fayre, cake sale etc or donate to fundraisers. I see the schools as part of the wider community and I'm part of that community so happy to support. In much the same way I've been known to buy a cuppa and a cake at the Church coffee morning and drop a few quid in the donations box even though I don't attend. I think that's enough, and as much as most people would do.
But then my DC went to our local state schools and events specifically for parents aren't really a thing, I know it's different at at least some private schools. My nephews and nieces went to boarding school and their parents/grandparents went to plenty of balls, lunches, garden parties etc such as the OP describes. Sometimes they came back having been invited to visit other parents or having arranged for their DC to stay with each other in the holidays so I guess that it's possible that there could be some negative effects on the DC of parents who don't engage in that kind of social activity. If you're at a school where your friends live in different parts of the country or even other countries I could see that having parents who are friendly with each other might be advantageous whereas if you're all local and don't need your parents to facilitate meet ups it doesn't matter that much. Plus there was definitely a networking element for the parents. I guess if those things are important to you then you need to get involved, if not, don't. But I'm sure there are other parents who can't/don't want to go to everything - you probably just don't see or hear them as much because of that.

Yes I appreciate that with private school it's a very different scenario, obviously the vast majority of parents are negotiating a very different system and wouldn't dream of attending secondary school events while their DC are in primary school unless they had a specific reason.

Exactly my approach too. They’re only young once and there’s nothing worse for them than looking out into the audience and seeing no one there for them. That said, one school I worked at knew that a couple of children would never have a supporter in the crowd and so they could choose a special adult from school to watch them - usually the librarian, nurse or caretaker (private school). I thought that was a nice compromise and meant the children weren’t left out entirely.

DH and I both attend everything that our dcs are in. We're able to do that because I work pt flexible hours (I can choose when I work) and DH can wfh when he wants (although he usually goes to the office 5 days if no reason to wfh). I enjoy seeing the dcs perform (I don't see it as a chore) and they are always pleased to see us there. DCs are at a prep school with no senior school.

Events are usually limited in space so it's usually only possible to attend events for your child's year group. We've been to a few concerts that were open to all parents, mainly because I wanted to see what the music ed was like. If the school did a theatre/music production that was open to the general public or all parents I'd probably go - I'd just think of it as a trip to the theatre and to be supporting the school - nothing to do with networking.
In my dcs school they do productions in Yr 4, 5 & 6 which is performed for the pupils in school, and for the parents of that year group only. My dcs always talk about the shows afterwards so I think they'd enjoy attending.

There are occasional parent-only social evening events like quizzes and drinks, we don't attend those as it tends to clash with bedtime.

I’ve never missed a school event. I have been to every sports day, nativity, drama production, harvest festival etc. But I wouldn’t dream of attending an event my child wasn’t in. Does anyone do that?? Parents genuinely go and see plays at the school and leave their own kids at home??? Never come across that in my life.