First residential trip for 7 year old

[HalfAwakeInAFakeEmpire]

Hi, excuse my slightly neurotic mum post but I need some advice and reassurance! My eldest has recently turned 7 and her school has organised the year 3/4 residential for mid September so just after the start of year 3. I thought I’d have at least a few extra months, she’ll be so young! Our families live too far away for sleepovers to be a regular thing so she’s very much not used to sleeping away from home. I’m hoping to try and squeeze in a couple of sleepovers with grandparents or auntie during the summer but is there anything else I can do to help prepare her? I’m trying very hard to be upbeat and excited about it so she doesn’t clock that I’m nervous about it but other than that I need all the tips please! 🙈

The main thing you can do to prepare her is be positive and excited with her.

Could you do a sleepover with a friend?

How long and how far away? Our school gradually increased nights and distance. Yr 3 - 1 night in school and a day out. Yr 4 - 2 nights in yurts a couple of miles away. Yr 5 - 4 nights 30 mins drive away. Yr 6 - 4 nights in London several hours away. We did sleepovers with school friends, starting with 1 friend and going up to a group of 3 or 4. They're probably better prep than staying with relatives as they are the friends she would be going with on the school trip.

Does she have any close friends you could 'pair up with' in the summer holidays? As in you host a sleepover for their child, and they host your child in return to prepare them both. Obviously it would have to be a family you and she are comfortable with and would help if both children have been to the other one's house before. Just a thought.

I agree the main thing you can do is be positive in front of her. When the time comes, pack with her (not for her). She'll gain confidence from knowing exactly where everything is, especially if you go through with her what she'll need when.

Not with friends that will be going on the residential as it’s a new school so I don’t feel I know the parents well enough for that. Could possibly do with with one of her friends from her old school though!

It’s 3 days/2 nights, about 1.5 hours away. As above we have only recently moved to this school so I wouldn’t feel comfortable organising sleepovers with them as I don’t know the parents well enough! 😬

If you’re too scared to have her go. Just say ‘ooh actually she (I) has anxiety and won’t be going on the residential’

I hope your anxiety won’t hold her back too much in her life

Jesus! That’s a long time for a 7 year old! Mine wouldn’t be going I’m afraid

It's not and it won't. I hope your knobbish attitude doesn't hold you back.

op. Year 3 is quite young for a residential tbh. Around here they don't start until year 4, and that's just two nights nearby. You're not being neurotic at all. Email the school and let them know your concerns, they will have dealt with other children like yours before.

Aren’t you a delight! I would never stop her going because of my anxiety, thanks for your “concern”. If she didn’t want to go I wouldn’t push her, but she does (despite barely knowing the other kids and teachers) because she’s a little trooper and that’s exactly why I’m asking for advice on how to help prepare her (and yes, myself) for it. Keeping her home would be much easier but I’m not looking for the easy way out, just for some helpful comments, unlike yours. Glad you never worry about anything though 🙂

It's normal for Brownie camp? That would be Friday night, Saturday night and home on Sunday afternoon.

Thanks that’s a good tip about letting her lead on the packing! There’s one friend from her old school that we might be able to do this with, I’ll have a chat with her mum! ☺️

Could you arrange a play date with a friend at school and get to know parents in this way. Or do you meet friends' parents in playground or at birthday parties to work towards a sleepover? Some of the other parents might have the same concern as you.

She wants to go though, and I don’t want to hold her back like a PP so kindly implied. I will however be swapping my shifts at work so I can be available at the drop of a hat if she needs me! Not that she will necessarily know about that in case it makes it harder for her to stay. It’s more for my peace of mind 😬

Our DC's school did a 2 night residential in year 2, and has done since time imemorial. When we joined the school I was quite reluctant about the whole idea because it seemed so unusually young, but just as the school had predicted the children had a fabulous time. I think only one of two from the class didn't go, and they were children who I think would/did find residentials hard even when they were older.

So you might be surprised!

Mine went at that age, never had a sleepover before, and loved it. It's an adventure!

Presumably though this is a voluntary activity undertaken with people that they know well and kids that they are already friends with. Rather than being tied to a school activity with people the kid doesn’t know well in the context of an educational experience. Some may see this as an adventure but I guess the school just thinks it’s damn tough if the kids don’t like it, they can suck it up or suck up being left out.

We do from Year 2 at our school for 2 days.
Year 3 and 4 is 4 days.
Year 5 and 6 is 5 days

First one they all sleep in together so there is no cliquey groups.

Ours have been staying with grandparents for 4-5 days since they were 2-3 so no problems being away but some parents were anxious. There was a flurry of sleepovers arranged before the trips.

Kids were all fine. Parents were more anxious

Start Brownies at age 7, hour and a half a week term time only meetings, girls from other schools or EHE attend - 10-15 school days is 60-75 hours spent with the other children at the same school; it would take them until the following October half term to have spent as much time with the rest of the Pack as she would have done by the third week of September.

Exactly.

mine did their first sleepaway with brownies not really knowing any of the others very well. They are also slightly more anxious children, and sleep in my bed more nights than not - I was worried, and was ready to get in the car to collect of things didn’t go well.

and yet it was fine. More than fine - they had a blast and cannot wait to do it again.

I wouldn’t force an unwilling child to do this, but if she is keen let her go.

My DC go to a tiny village school - Yrs3-6 are in a combined class & so do residentials every year from Yr3 up - it’s a full week, Mon-Fri. All the kids seem to love it. But it’s usually in the Summer Term, not the Autumn one.
Focus on the positives & try & do a sleepover with an old friend first just so she has a bit of experience.

I will consider my pearls duly clutched as that seems to be the consensus! Not to derail the OPs post, and as you say she is keen to go then it's great that you are ready to support her in that.

I would say though that schools should think through what the implications for kids who aren't going to be ok with this are before they plan these. Brownies isn't compulsory, school is. If a kid who doesn't want to go is obliged to, they may be traumatised. If they are left behind they will have to deal with the never ending crowing and 'what we did on our holibobs' from the other kids for weeks after the trip. Parents are more likely to pressure their kids into 'giving it a go' knowing this, and unless the kids are very stupid they will know that visibly not having a good time, crying with homesickness or not being a jolly good sport will likely get them bullied when they get back, and not toeing the line of 'it was fine' will upset their parents.

They aren't compulsory at all. There's never been any 'crowing' about getting to go vs didn't want to go vs wasn't allowed to go or mocking the kid who got a bit tearful at night in my experience of many decades with both school and outside school trips, either.

School is, in fact compulsory. Brownies is a choice.

So you think schools shouldn't offer experiences because some people won't want to be part of them?

I strongly disagree.

Residentials are not compulsory.