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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

To pick primary school based on nursery friends going

28 replies

Puzzleboard · 23/04/2025 18:39

Our daughter has just received her primary school place for September and we got our first choice (school A). I’ve since found out that 4 children from her nursery will be going to a different local school (school B) - which was 2nd on our list. I’m now in 2 minds about whether we should try to get her on the wait list for school B so that she has some pals when she starts in September, which might ease the transition for her.

Does anyone else have experience of something similar? Does it matter that she won’t have any pals going to our first choice?

Its likely that we would get a place at the 2nd choice school as all our local primary’s have had spaces for the last few years with the lower birth rate. But we preferred school A overall. Both are equal distance from our house and a 5 minute walk.

TIA for any advice

OP posts:

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CassieAusten · 23/04/2025 18:48

Kindly, don't be daft. You thought school A best for your child before so the chance that she might know a couple of others in her class doesn't change anything about the school. They are all 4.

BendingSpoons · 23/04/2025 18:50

I agree with PP. She will have 7 years at the school. She likely will have made new friends in less than 7 days. Most children easily start playing with new friends at 4.

bluebunnyjacket · 23/04/2025 18:51

Honestly she will have forgotten about them within the first week

TwentyTwentyFive · 23/04/2025 18:53

Honestly of all the reasons to pick a school this is probably the most illogical. The odds of her being friends with these children at the end of reception let alone at the end of year six is very small and basing where she is taught on the friendships made when a child is 3/4 years old is just silly.

Keep her at the school you've already chosen.

RedSkyDelights · 23/04/2025 18:53

My DS started school with 4 boys from his nursery. It made the first 2 or 3 weeks a bit easier. Then he pretty much never spoke to any of them ever again.

Comedycook · 23/04/2025 18:54

Sorry op but that would be ridiculous imo.

Snorlaxo · 23/04/2025 18:54

She’ll make new friends. Stick to school A.

100PercentFaithful · 23/04/2025 18:56

TA here. Friendships are really fluid all the way through KS1 and often KS2 as well. We see best friends changing from 1 minute to the next.
You really don’t need to worry.

Bearhunt468 · 23/04/2025 18:59

My DS is in reception, went from school nursery with 20 odd other children split across both classes. His two best friends are two children who did not go to the school nursery at all. She will make friends!

Hoppinggreen · 23/04/2025 18:59

Ds had a few Nursery friends at school
2 weeks in and he was playing with other kids - one of the nursery mums put a PA post on FB about her son being "abandonned by his best friend" and I pretended I had no idea she meant DS

InsolentAnnie · 23/04/2025 19:02

Nobody from DD’s nursery went to her school. She’s been absolutely fine!

Smartiepants79 · 23/04/2025 19:02

Never choose a school because of who else is going.
Anything could happen in the next 6 months. All of them could change their minds, move house etc.
They’re 4 new friendships are forged in an hour at the park.
Choose a school because you think it will provide the best educational experience for your child.
I believe this to be true at any age.

Flubadubba · 23/04/2025 19:02

I wouldn't. None of DD's preschool friends went to the same school. We didn't like the school they all went to, but did fleetingly think about changing it (but ultimately didn't as the one we wnated/got was so much more suitable for her).

She made firm friends in the first few days, as did most of the kids in the class. Even those who knew others before starting didn't stay in those friendship groups as time went on.

Kids are adaptable at this age if you let them get on with it. There were likely a lot of reasons why you chose that as first choice.

Lindererer32 · 23/04/2025 19:04

We knew no-one at school A, everyone from nursery chose school B. Didn't like school B so didn't change our choice.

Child settled at School A and made lovely new friends. We also still sometimes see nursery friends.

Definitely stick with the school you preferred. They will make friends.

HairyGarden · 23/04/2025 19:11

That is a very silly basis on which to choose a school for such a young child. These aren’t lasting or particularly valuable friendships. She will move on very quickly.

BoleynMemories13 · 23/04/2025 19:42

No, that would be ridiculous. You picked school A for a reason, remember those reasons.

Loads of children start Reception not knowing any other children, especially those who have been to private nurseries near their parent's work, so I'm sure she won't be the only one. She will be absolutely fine, kids that age usually makes friends easily (and old nursery friends soon become forgotten - out of sight out of mind).

Do you have any reason to think she may find making friends tricky? Did she struggle at nursery? If this is the case, speak to the teacher to make them aware she may need support and 'buddying up'. Other children will be on the same boat and they will look out for them.

Definitely don't change from your first choice of school based on where a few nursery friends are going. There are no guarantees those friendships will survive into Reception anyway. Once new children are added to the mix, children often forge new friendships so I wouldn't rely on the fact her moving up with a few familiar children will mean she's guaranteed to have friends from the off at her new school. Learning to make new friends is an important skill anyway, it will be good for her.

TheNightingalesStarling · 23/04/2025 19:49

We moved house(and country!) just before both of our children started Reception. DD1 actually missed the first few weeks.

By Christmas, no one could remember who had been in the preschool class and who hadn't.

Original poster

Puzzleboard · 23/04/2025 19:50

Thanks so much everyone! These are exactly the responses I needed to hear and in line with my husbands thoughts too. I’m getting the fear about the upcoming change which I think is impacting my decision making, I think DD will be absolutely fine at school A. And we chose the school for lots of reasons. Thanks again to MN for making me see sense 😊

OP posts:

Lindererer32 · 23/04/2025 20:35

And our child has been happy with School A ever since. Not once asked about old friends or their school. Stick with your instincts on correct school.

Original poster

Puzzleboard · 23/04/2025 22:14

Lindererer32 · 23/04/2025 20:35

And our child has been happy with School A ever since. Not once asked about old friends or their school. Stick with your instincts on correct school.

Thank you. This is really reassuring to hear. It’s not that I think she’ll remain friends with her nursery pals, more that having some kids that she knows might help the transition. But it seems that most kids in reception won’t know anyone, so she’ll not be alone. And I think I would regret it in future if we changed course now

OP posts:

Lindererer32 · 23/04/2025 22:46

Totally understand the worry and I went through a similar thought process. I'm so happy I stuck with the school choice regardless of not knowing anyone there. It really suits our child and has been a lovely experience for us all due to the great school community.

alphabetti · 24/04/2025 08:59

My daughter is at a private nursery and there seems to be 2 main schools most will go to. Those were our 2nd and 3rd choices opted the catholic school for 1st choice. She got 1st choice and i have a pull of mum guilt that she will be split from her little friends some she has been with from since she can remember (i returned to work when she was 9mth).

But long term i feel this school will be better and closer distance to my mum who will take her and pick her up so just being very excited when speak to her about school and will involve her in buying uniform etc Her birthday is Dec so gonna plan to have a party and invite her whole class (30) to have chance to meet everyone.

calmingpompoms · 24/04/2025 09:01

How many friends do you still have from when you are 3?
I don’t have any so I wouldn’t see it as important.

NerrSnerr · 24/04/2025 09:05

Neither of my children had friends from nursery at their primary school. They both had quite tricky transitions but I don’t think having nursery friends would have made a difference .

What I have found has had a really positive impact on my children is having local friends, people they can walk to school with, go round houses easily and now my daughter is year 6 meet up easily at weekends and after school.

skkyelark · 24/04/2025 12:43

I absolutely would not change where my child went to school over it, but I would not necessarily be so dismissive of friendships at this age. Many are transient, but not all. DD1 had a couple of close friends go to school the year ahead of her – approaching two years later, she most definitely still considers them her friends, asks to meet up, and is thrilled when we do (quite rarely) manage to see them. She's also still close friends with the two girls from her nursery who are in her class at school, although she has made new friends as well.

I'd send your DD to the school you originally chose, but if she does have close nursery friendships, I'd be opening to helping her maintain those if she and they are interested. Some will naturally peter out quickly enough, others may not.

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