Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

What do I do about dd being yelled at by one of the school cooks?

47 replies

WigWamBam · 15/05/2008 16:50

Dd didn't like any of the food she had been given for lunch (they aren't allowed to refuse to have food if they don't like either of the alternatives; they have to take one of the choices from every server) so didn't want to eat it. One of the play-leaders had tried to coax her into trying some, which dd had done, but she still didn't like it so the play-leader told her she could just eat her chips and pudding, and she would find her some fruit to have as well.

So far so good. But along comes one of the cooks who really lets rip, shouting at dd and telling her that she must eat all her food, it's a waste, it's disgraceful that she won't even touch it, that dd is being naughty for not eating the stuff. Meanwhile the waste bucket is full of fish fingers that other children have left. Dd was left in tears - although two of the play-leaders defended her against the cook.

Before anyone tells me that children exaggerate, both of the play-leaders have corroborated dd's version of events. The cook was yelling and screaming at my daughter, even in the face of my her tears.

This cook has been reported to the Head before about her attitude to both children and staff, and I feel that I should speak to the Head about what happened today, but there is one problem ... I work as a play-leader at the school too, so I have to work with this woman for at least one lunchtime every week.

Do I make a complaint and suffer the consequences? Or do I let it go, bearing in mind that dd goes up to Juniors in September? My gut feeling is that I should complain so that other children aren't spoken to in that way but (being purely selfish here) I don't want to make life unpleasant for myself.

Your thoughts?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
NotABanana · 15/05/2008 16:53

TBH I think you should put the welfare of the children first, before you, as you are an adult who can stand up for yourself. The cook sounds a right cow and I think you should complain tbh. Bullies make me sick.

Mercy · 15/05/2008 16:54

I would complain tbh. How horrible for dd to be treated like that.

I assume the cook has no authority over you?

SaintGeorge · 15/05/2008 16:54

Complain, loudly.

No way should she have spoken to your dd like that.

I'm a lunchtime supervisor. If I shouted at a child for not eating, I would be sacked.

Cezzy · 15/05/2008 16:54

Go with you gut instinct - I work in a a school and even if you are fed up and tired and the kids have played up screaming at them wouldnt be tolerated.

Will the others who witnessed this go and back you up if you made a complaint?

lou33 · 15/05/2008 16:55

complain

LazyLinePainterJane · 15/05/2008 16:58

I would complain. Repeatedly until something was done. I don't believe child discipline is the job of a school cook.

WigWamBam · 15/05/2008 17:01

No, the cook has no authority over me. But she has made life pretty miserable for some of the other play-leaders who she has taken against for some reason or another and I can see it blowing up in my face if I complain.

Of course I should put the children first, Banana; I guess what I am looking for is perspective more than anything else - whether I am over-reacting. Dd was already upset before she had her dinner (some little shit boy had punched her in the face) and I don't know how much it would have bothered her otherwise. I'm also unsure whether I would have complained if I had only had dd's version of events - if it had been someone else's child who only had their word for it, maybe it wouldn't seem so bad.

I have never shouted at any of the children for not eating either, StG - we have to encourage them but can't force it. Gentle encouragement often works wonders; if you shout, they children stop listening.

If the head had been there at lunchtime I would probably have complained then ... I just didn't know whether I was over-reacting. Although I'm pretty sure I'm not.

Thanks.

OP posts:
PortAndLemon · 15/05/2008 17:03

Complain.

SaintGeorge · 15/05/2008 17:04

No WWB, you are not over reacting at all.

Sounds to me like the cook is a bully

hatrick · 15/05/2008 17:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

NotABanana · 15/05/2008 17:22

I wasn't trying to say you wouldn't put the kids first (sorry) I just felt so cross on your behalf and for all the other kids she has been a cow too.

If all the staff are not onthe best terms with her maybe it is time she did go. Not an environment that is healthy for kids imo.

Complain tomorrow, try and make it slightly less personal about just your child and about all the other times she has been awful to the kids, and the other staff.

WigWamBam · 15/05/2008 17:41

She is, StG. Dd once said to me "If she doesn't like children, she shouldn't work in a school" ... and I can see why!

Hatrick, I am very tempted! I'm glad that the other play-leaders stuck up for dd; I'd like to think I would have done the same for someone else's child if it had been me in the dining room today.

I think I shall ask for a word with the head when I take dd to school tomorrow. I spoke to my supervisor about it and she brushed me off a little bit, but that was before I spoke to the other play-leaders. And I took dd home with me after lunch (she had a lump on her head the size of a small egg where she had been punched, and was feeling sick, so I wanted to keep an eye on her myself) so I couldn't see the head tonight.

Thanks all.

OP posts:
NotABanana · 15/05/2008 18:12

She was punched so hard she has a lump? No wonder she didn't want any dinner! The punching needs addressing too, if not already. Poor love.

NotABanana · 15/05/2008 18:13

She was punched so hard she has a lump? No wonder she didn't want any dinner! The punching needs addressing too, if not already. Poor love.

FluffyMummy123 · 15/05/2008 18:13

Message withdrawn

NotABanana · 15/05/2008 18:13

Oops. It is soooooooooooooooo slow again.

kittywise · 15/05/2008 18:26

if someone yelled at any of my kids like that I'd go ballistic. It's MY prerogative to do that ,no one else's not even their father's!!
The woman must be sacked and you need to take it higher than the head.

WigWamBam · 15/05/2008 18:40

I did tell the school, cod - the children's mentor brushed it off as dd being over-dramatic. I later found out that she wasn't. I just needed some perspective ... sometimes I feel as if I'm a bit over-protective.

The punch was dealt with by the head, but she had left by the time I came to leave. The boy who punched her is ... well, I'm not allowed to call him a little shit but you get my drift.

I don't want her sacked, kitty. But maybe some training in people-skills or something would be a good idea!

OP posts:
Sanctuary · 15/05/2008 18:42

Complain BIG TIME

edam · 15/05/2008 18:46

I agree with everyone else, complain! Appalling way for anyone working in a school to behave. Sounds as if the woman can't control her temper, which is a very bad sign indeed.

Saturn74 · 15/05/2008 18:50

It makes me so when adults abuse their authority over children.

As this woman has had complaints made about her before, perhaps she would be better being utilised in a non end-user facing role?

ie: get the old trout moved elsewhere or booted out entirely, so she can't be mean to the children or other members of staff.

kittywise · 15/05/2008 18:52

Why don't you want her sacked.? She is abusive and shouldn't be working with children.

FluffyMummy123 · 15/05/2008 18:53

Message withdrawn

BreeVanderCampLGJ · 15/05/2008 18:57

Complain.

I sometimes wonder if because DS is an only child, if I over react.

But in this case, it is cut and dried.

at Hatrick, and I always had you down as a Laydeee.

serendippity · 15/05/2008 19:02

ooh complain definatly. What a bitch. I remember having complete nazis people like that in my school when i was about 6. I ended up being so anxious about going into lunch that i felt physicaly sick and often cried with nerves as i was waiting to go in. I even got butterflys when i was in my lessons and heard the canteen getting ready to open. It was awful.