School response to violence

[MinnieMouse1234]

My daughter is in y2 and it’s clear that there are some pupils in her class with various behavioural needs. I’m concerned what my daughter takes from how this is handled.

I’m pleased that she has learned empathy and understanding, and that everyone is different and that people deal with their emotions differently. I’m concerned that the concept of violence being wrong isn’t being spoken about.

I feel like she’s getting the impression that ‘sometimes boys can’t control their anger’.

Is this normal in Primary schools? Am I being old fashioned to think that a ‘what ‘x’ did was wrong and he’s working on that to try and not do it again’ is something that could be said? Teachers - please tell me!

I’m trying to think rationally about this whilst also raging about normalising violence at the same time….

Yes but the PPi was responding to has not mentioned Sen. I would say that’s not really relevant. She’s talked about lots of other things but not Sen. Sen might be poor behaviour but it’s a label that might not be appropriate either. What this poster describes would not get a ECHP. It should trigger different responses in the school though.

@SJM1988 You will continue to go round in circles then. Yes, children develop at different speeds but most grasp the behaviour aspect of being with other dc fairly quickly or all schools would be total anarchy.

The OP says “various behavioural needs” and goes on to talk about a “behavioural plan”. She may not be using the language used in schools, but these phrases imply SEN.

It is worrying that girls are considered collateral damage in classrooms. And make no mistake this is what’s happening. Trouble is, the teachers and support staff are too. That’s why there is teacher retention crisis and nobody wants the support jobs when they can get paid just as much to work in Aldi and not be bitten, kicked and sworn at (as much).

The SEND system is in crisis and it’s getting worse. And add in a perfect storm of reducing social/emotional skills in children and increasing levels of entitled lazy parenting. Oh and a large bucket of poverty and depravation on top.

I’m not sure what the answer is other than to vote with your feet and try another school (who may well have the same issues). Private? Or home schooling?

It’s distressing for adults to have to manage disregulated, violent children - sometimes parents struggle. So how they expect their young classmates to just sit there and take it all in without complaint or without any comforting is outrageous and a national scandal.

@GretchenWienersHair We have a culture now where every issue is sen. I quite agree that girls should not be in the firing line for the poor behaviour of boys. My other comments have been directed to the poster with a boy who is provoked and retaliates. That poster believes it’s a development issue but I have my doubts.

Our school bring in experts to talk to all the children about SEN and how the world look and feels to those with SEN and how it causes responses it does. The children really take it on board. I wish we could educate their parents as well

It is possible both to feel empathy for children with SEN and not want your own child to be in the vicinity of someone throwing chairs

This is my position too.

Of course people feel sympathy for the kid and the family. Everyone wants them to be in the environment that they should be.

However, my own priority will always be my child. Nothing will ever trump that and I’ll never allow them to be on the receiving end of violence or mistreatment from anyone, in any situation.

Do they bring in someone to talk about their legal, moral and ethical right to live a life free of violence and also their legal right to access education?

There are no positives in being violently attacked.

Let’s not teach our children that there are.

I would be complaining about every single incidence and asking how my DD is being kept safe. I was the victim of domestic violence, I never want DD to normalise violence against girls. I’m sorry but I just don’t care about anyone elses issues, my responsibility is my DD. Nothing comes before her safety.

This happens in both my children’s schools too and it’s because the staff cannot share information about the disruptive child’s potential diagnoses or IEP or home life etc etc. it definitely can be confusing which I why I do a lot of work at home to explain what’s going on.

Both children understand the difference between equity and equality and why certain children seem to be given privileges for what looks to them to be regular poor behaviour. They understand disregulated behaviour and that very often the violent child is acting that way as they are feeling big emotions and are often scared themselves. We have lots of conversations about differences and compassion so when they go into school they have a bit more understanding of what’s going on.

My advice is full in the gaps yourself and if you think a child at school is hurting your child then ask to talk to the teacher and escalate it if need be. The school has a duty of care to every child and if you think your child is at risk you advocate for them.

Sounds like a school problem. Perhaps time to move DC elsewhere, not all schools are like this.

What do you think another school would be magically doing that the first school isn't?

Agree with this.

I don’t have a daughter but I know I’d agree with you on the normalising violence point if I did.

Of course most of us have sympathy in general for kids with additional needs, but I think that far too often it’s expected that the parents and the child victims of violence in schools are expected to go beyond in their understanding and acceptance for the perpetrator. It’s not natural to expect that from people.

The LA/school/parent failings are not on my shoulders, nor those of my child. How do they get to shirk responsibility but a 5, 6 or 7 year old is expected to listen to “SEN experts” who come in and give them a take on compassion and understanding?

Laughable.

It’s such a shame we don’t have sufficient primary prus or behaviour therapy units. Children displaying violence used to attend a therapy class and learn how to play. 30 years plus ago we had such classes and tried our best as a LA to help dc. Now the money is devolved to school, therapy classes have gone. It’s to the detriment of all. It’s not up to other dc to be understanding of a dc throwing chairs or being violent. It’s up to the professional adults to find a solution.