Yes you've misunderstood my point. I have no issue at all with children being assessed ("graded", as you term it from your experiences). That's an important part of education so individual children and their families know how they are doing, and what their targets are.
The grammar system sees those schools cherry picking the so called cream of the crop, the children capable of passing a non-statutory exam, to gain entry into their school. It sees children who don't make it feeling like a failure at a very young and vulnerable age. They generally take all the top students in that area, then the school and the parents of students who go there see the results they achieve as some sort of evidence of what an amazing school they are. It's hardly difficult to achieve amazing results when you only accept top students who generally have a great attitude to their learning and have families who support their education. Don't get me wrong, I understand why parents who live in such areas would want their child to get into a grammar school, as everyone wants the best accademic results for their child, but it's the culture which I find vulgar.
I've learned on here that most who undergo the 11+ have tutoring as apparently the school curriculum alone does not prepare children for these tests. That suggests to me that a) these tests do not test natural ability alone, as that is something which doesn't need to be 'taught' and b) suggests this system of schooling isn't as accessible to children from deprived backgrounds, as their families would be unable to fund this tutoring. A good education in this country should be accessible to all, not just those who can afford it. As someone who grew up in, and now works in, a very deprived area, this is something I feel very strongly about.
Some posts on this thread are suggesting it's ok for parents to want to know, and even be told, whether their child is working in the top 10% of their class, in order to know whether it's worth putting their child through the stress and pressure of the 11+. That's what I find vulgar. The idea that parents have a right to know about how other children are performing in order to pit their own child against them. Dog eat dog at 10 years old. Parents should only ever be privy to their own child's attainment imo. This idea of sharing that a child is working in the top 10% of their class feels so wrong to me, as someone who doesn't live in an area with such a system. We wouldn't dream of sharing such information with parents, as it's simply none of their business how other children are performing compared to their child.
My issue is with the grammar school culture of cherry picking, and parents in those areas in turn being privy to the attainment of the other kids in their child's class, not with schools assessing in general.