Started reception - accidents, awful behaviour - help!

[purplebeansprouts]

What do I do? My child started reception this year - Slowly her behaviour has deteriorated. Potty training (wees) has gone out the window and I am having to wash her school uniform every day due to accidents. I've taken her water bottle off her to see if that helps. She kicks and bites at home now like she's 2 again. It's like she's regressed! help what do I do!!!?

I expect she is tied and in need of half term. Some early nights and quiet days during the holidays.

She telling you she’s overwhelmed.
Just love on her. Baby her a bit more if that’s what she needs right now. Clear the diary, lots of chilled secure activities at home, no additional stresses. Let the teacher know she’s struggling. Then reassess in a month.

Sounds like she desperately need half term.

You are not alone. Starting school is a rude awakening for a lot of children. She will get there. You will have a different child by Easter.
Have you asked her why she is wetting herself so often? Does she not feel comfortable asking to go? (She obviously could do it beforehand). The odd accident is expected in Reception but this sounds excessive.
Consequences for biting and aggression. But you know that anyway.

Thank you all so much. She says she forgets to go until it's too late. I feel awful for her but it didn't seem to bother her.

The first half term is LONG for kids that age.

Get some rest and see where you are afterwards.

My dd had accidents in reception. It turned out she knew she needed the loo but was so interested in what she was doing, she was ignoring the urge until it was too late. We talked to her about how wet clothes can make our skin sore and how important it is to go the loo as soon as we notice we need it. Never made any comment about wet clothes after school, just got her washed and changed, but every morning on the walk in, reminded her it's important to go to the loo when you feel it and not to ignore the urge. It tapered out over the first term.

We also had tantrums at home where she was effectively beyond herself. She was absolutely shattered. We kept after school and weekends to chilling at home mainly, walks and maybe an hour or so in the park. And very low-key half-term/holidays to give her time and space to recharge.

As others said, the first half term is a lot. DD's reception teacher said this morning how they were all exhausted atm.

Please don't take her water bottle away, though. It is important that she is hydrated.

I think it's important to stay hydrated when you're having wee accidents.

It may be the toilets smell weird or are scary. What does she say?

Typical first half term of reception, tired, mixing with kids that don’t behave, and germ central.

It is not only you ....many of us go through things kids/school wise.....try your best to follow the accepted methods making sure your child is happy no matter what or who or else

First few months of school were tough for our DD! Also a few accidents. Scared of the toilets with bigger kids and stuff. Bonkers behaviour at home as well and super tired! All good after a few months. School is tough for little ones!! Good luck!

Great thank you all so much. I feel so alone with it as all the other kids seem so happy on the walk home when mine is screaming!

Is she one of the younger ones?

She’ll get there OP, it’s a big change and you can guarantee she’s not the only one having accidents. My DD has just started too in September and is so bloody tired every evening, also ridiculously hangry as well which is affecting her mood so we give her dinner earlier after school now.

Did she go to nursery at all as it does seem as if she is very overwhelmed and not used to all that will be going on in the classroom.

A general comment rather than specific but reception in this country is broken. 28 kids and maybe 1 or 2 adults. Some children never been to nursery and yet suddenly expected to have a much greater degree of independence. Reception teachers have it hard.

She sounds just like my little girl. She is really ratty for about an hour after pick-up and then she comes round. She needs to decompress and then she'll chat all about her day and really looks forward to school.

She's also having accidents, it was almost everyday although we're starting to see an improvement in this now. School is great and very understanding, I'm sure they see it every year. We're just riding it out and then she's getting a lot of reward for dry days (extra marbles in her jar)

It's all very normal. They are so tired. Going to the toilet is not a priority when there is so much to do.

Just keep things steady at home. Which is easier in the winter. No going to the supermarket or anything after school. Have a longer evening by doing bathtime bit earlier.

She’ll be tired like many reception children the first term. However, is the teacher toileting the class regularly? This was something we always did when I was teaching especially with reception children until they get the hang of knowing it was ok to go to the toilet. Are they changing her into clean clothes after she’s had an accident?

Please don’t remove her water bottle, classrooms get warm even in winter.

The biting at home is unusual tbh. I’d advise asking for a meeting with the school, they should be able to remind her to go to the toilet at regular intervals and keep an eye on if anything is upsetting her in school.

First two weeks of reception were awful, total personality transplant. From speaking to other parents this was totally normal. DD was one of those that looked happy being dropped off and picked up but then would have the mother of all meltdowns when she got home. Each kid is going to settle in their own time. Just keep love bombing her, make sure she gets rest. It will pass.

As others have said, she's absolutely exhausted. It's common for behaviour to regress at home when they start. School gets the best of them all day, then you receive them home utterly shattered. Take it as a compliment, she feels comfortable around you and is not afraid for you to see her in beast mode. She wants her teachers to think good of her, but she knows she can be a complete demon at home and you'll still love her regardless. I know it's hard now, but it should get better when she's rested over half term.

Toilet accidents are also quite common at that age in a new environment. She does need to drink though so please don't restrict water. Just request they give her lots of toilet reminders.

Yeah

Mine also had lots of wee accidents in reception. It’s very normal. Some of them don’t feel confident enough to ask the teacher if they can go when they feel the need. Often they are just having too much fun and don’t want to stop it to go to the loo.

I echo other posters - don’t take the water bottle off her. She’ll only be rattier if she’s dehydrated.

Are you sending a change of clothes into school every day so she can change herself when she has an accident?

With my child, I put a lot of emphasis on doing “safety”/“tactical” wees (they call them tactical wees in Bluey) and asked the teacher to use that language at the general toileting breaks. Encouraging DC to go regularly and not wait is key I think.

Our walk home goes past a newsagents so DC also got a 10p sweet every day that they didn’t have an accident which seemed to work quite well too.

Hopefully the behaviour improves by Christmas. It’s probably just a reaction to the new environment and routine and all the rules. Good luck!

As a Reception teacher I find this comment very sad and actually disagree with the idea of Reception being 'broken'. Don't get me wrong, we definitely have it tougher now than we did 15 years ago when I started teaching, but society in general has changed so much in that time. Children are definitely arriving, in the main, less prepared for school than they once were. Funding is severely lacking, which doesn't help. I assume this is the point you're trying to make but there's nothing fundamentally wrong with Reception and how it works. Reception is all about learning through play and helping children to develop independence (we certainly don't expect it straight away). Reception is an absolute ball compared to Year 1. There isn't actually much I'd change about how Reception currently operates. It's not 'Reception' which is broken, more so society in general.

There is a lot wrong with education right now, due to a severe lack of funding. The old government sadly made the national curriculum way too formal and dry for Years 1-6 too. This doesn't affect Reception though, as we don't follow the national curriculum. It certainly isn't the reason why so many children regress with behaviour when they start. They're just exhausted. That's something which has never changed during all my years of teaching. A lot has, but 4 year olds will always be exhausted by massive changes in their life.