Reception child very anxious

[Bananasinpyjamas1988]

Hi

my summer born DS started at a prep school in September. We just had his first parents’ evening and it was awful - they said he is leagues behind the bottom of the class.

the main problem seems to be fine motor (we know he has a delay in that) but then the need for constant coaching to do any of the activities, which is clearly a concern for the teacher as it takes her away from the other kids. However the activities mentioned are often ones he’s very comfortable with at home. Apparently at school he just ‘freezes’ which I think is anxiety - I think he feels inadequate in a class of 4/5 year olds and doesn’t feel supported so he just bottles it.

he knows all of his letters and can count on one to one correspondence up to about 15, and can count up to about 30. she says he is ‘way behind’ but I thought that was fairly normal for reception but the meeting with the teacher was a real sucker punch.

unsure if he really is that behind or if this just isn’t the school for him. Does anyone have any advice?

It was unprofessional language for her to use for a start. I would question anything she says next.

Her language seems manipulative. Is there a way she wants you to respond to this? Did you get the feeling she wanted you to delay his start/give him more support at home/private tuition?

You're right in expecting his motor skills to be behind the curve for a while. Children enter reception at very different stages - your child certainly doesn't sound particularly behind at all.

When you say he knows his letters, does he know the names of the letters or the sounds that they make? He needs to know the latter. Can he recognise groups of 2/3/4/5 etc and tell you what is one more or one less than a number - is that what you're saying he can do?

I would consider making sure he knows his letter sounds and staying on top of whatever phonemes are being taught. Ask her for a breakdown of areas where he is 'behind' and what steps are being taken to support him but make sure she's aware that you're asking with a view to being part of the support.

Thank you, that’s a very helpful reply.

just to answer your questions he knows the sounds each letter makes and can sound out words but not blend. He recognizes the first sound in a word if I sound it out very obviously but can’t all the time otherwise. He can count objects up to 15 or so and knows which numbers are bigger than others

i do think his fine motor skills are quite delayed. He has a pencil grip but struggles with scissors

Presumably he passed the assessment process to get a place? There is a wide variation in ability in reception one GC could read and another didn’t know the letter sounds. The latter has just started university.

Its likely some of the kids know how to read and some may know all times tables.

Depends how selctive the school is.

Is he one of the youngest?

If hes physically delayed he is surely likely to be delayed writing as that pretty hard generally.
Private schools dont have to follow the curriculum so mjght expect to be doing addition in their head or counting on from 20 to add 5 etc.
I cant imagine what they are doing that he needs a lot of help with - os it academic or laces or coat/zip or writing?

Really writing ability at 4 doesnt determine how bright a kid is.
My youngest was starting reception after covid and could do number bonds to 20 from the squeebles app when she started

They might be expecting him to have picked up blending by now several weeks in.

Did he ever watch alphablocks?

Practice his fine motor skills by get him to thread things pick up things using big tweezers strengthen them with rolling out playdough then getting him to cut it with scissors. Cut up straws and thread them . His hand muscles need to be strengthened. His teacher sounds poor and not trained in early years.

It’s more support in eg crafts and all activities really as he just doesn’t have the confidence to do it on his own.

they are non selective, but they did visit him at his nursery as part of the admissions process. Plus he had a taster day.

he is one of the youngest, yes. When I picked him up today the teacher made a point of saying she had helped him a lot with an art project. Then when we bumped into his friend in the car park the friend said the teacher had done the friend’s whole project whilst he was playing. It just felt a bit manipulative focusing on him needing help when others did too.

I am happy to be told he is delayed and needs extra support but ‘at the bottom by a country mile’ seems overboard?

it feels like they are trying to manage him out which I find very annoying as they pride themselves on being nurturing and inclusive. I do understand it’s hard if he takes up too much time but I also feel very protective.

I think maybe a state school and going back to nursery for a year to improve his confidence may be a good route.

The date for funding for nursery has passed now so if you send him back you might not get any funding.
Our experience of state school wasnt exactly nurturing. I think he would just be left to get on with the art or not. I think in the whole of reception there was 1-2 observations of each of my kids Everything else was groups and mainly photos of the whole 60 year group..
. And they read with the teacher maybe 6 times over the whole of reception...

He sounds anxious? Do they perhaps suspect some sen. As some schools expect confident outgoing kids.
Its certainly true some private do manage kids out.
But state sort of do too. In terms of sen my eldests class ended up with 10% of the class having asd. But despite issues from reception with at least 3 of the kids the school didnt realise it was autism.

Yes I think that may be true. I’m not sure if anxiety is counted as SEN, is it? I have never been concerned about autism.

That was exactly why we sent him to a private school - we thought he would get lost in a large class. But now I don’t know if we’ve made the right decision

we could send him back to the nursery feeder of his current school which the teacher did suggest but there is obviously a big risk they won’t accept him for reception so he will have even more upheaval

If he struggles with motor skills he could be dyspraxic. Why is the teacher doing the art projects while the kids are off playing? It sounds like a very strange set up.

Do you think he would be better starting again next September? He won’t be of conplusory school age until then. Private schools aren’t always the best places to support SEN. You say he is delayed in fine motor skills, is he actually delayed or is he where you would expect a just turned 4 year old to be.

I agree with a PP you need to find out where he is behind. You will be able to find the early learning goals on line. Remember this is were he should be at the end of the year. My children are in a state school but a decile 1 area (most affluent on the goverment assessment criteria) and about half the children start reception being able to read CVC words. It’s rarely the summer born children who can do this.

why strange? Clearly the kid gave up on the art project so she finished it for him and he went off to play somewhere else in the classroom

we have asked a doctor about dyspraxia but he doesn’t show signs of it.

She shouldn’t be finishing his work. This isn’t good teaching.

Reception kids knowing all the times tables?! Why would you tell OP that when she is clearly worried about her child? That is SO far beyond what would be expected of a reception child it is ridiculous and so very unhelpful. @Bananasinpyjamas1988 please ignore this mad comment. State school test children on their times tables at the end of Y4!!

I don’t have experience of the private sector but what you are describing OP sounds well within the realms of normal. I would make another appointment with the teacher now you’ve had a chance to process what they said to discuss it further, especially around what plans they can put in place to support your DC. You are paying them and they are there to help. Approach it as a team.

I teach reception in a state school and your little chappy sounds absolutely fine to me. I teach the child I have in front of me not the child I think I should have - that’s my job! Maybe visit a few other schools and don’t discount state.

I'm a ks1 teacher. Your DS sounds like a perfectly normal Reception-age child. In my state school we woukd be very pleased that he knows all the sounds already. Lots of kids have difficulty with fine motor skills at that age. Teacher sounds like she can't be bothered to do her job.

If you want to support at home do lots of playdoh, plasticine, colouring, threading etc.

Kids entering reception vary massively in their abilities anxd whether they have been taught sounds etc at nursery.

Some prep schools are very academic - either because they are preparing for 7+ entry or because they just are.

What's the reputation of the prep?

I say this as an experienced Reception teacher - please don't worry! To put it frankly, she sounds incredibly inexperienced with Reception if she thinks what you are describing is well below expected, and she's incredibly unprofessional to word it as she has. The problem with prep schools is that sometimes the staff are only use to dealing with a certain type of child (academic, keen to learn, well behaved) and are clueless how to tackle anything out of their perfect 'norm'. I work in a very deprived area with high EAL and high rates of pupil premium. Your son would probably be near the top of my class (not that I'd tell you that if he was in my class, as it's not professional to 'rank' children so publically to their parents). I guess what I'm saying is that it's all relative. 'Lowest' in a certain class in a certain school/area doesn't necessarily equate to low over all. It's not how we should be assessing children at all.

I can tell you now that, if your child genuinely does do all the things you say, he's definitely not low across the board. Obviously I don't know about any of the other children in the class, so he could indeed be 'lower' than them but a) she shouldn't be comparing (especially not publically to you!) and b) it's totally irrelevant where he is compared to the rest of the class. He can only be assessed in terms of government expectations, and from what you say he sounds fine in most areas.

There is plenty of time to develop his fine motor skills. They as a school should be prioritising this with interventions, rather than making you feel bad about it and making you fret unnecessarily. Loads of mine can't hold a pencil properly yet or cut independently with scissors. It's our job to get them there.

I would definitely be questioning if this is the right school for your family with attitudes like that I'm afraid. It doesn't bode well for the future.

Thank you everyone you have made me feel better. Someone has to be lowest in the class, I’m not too proud to not accept that, but to say it’s by a ‘country mile’ is just demoralizing and mean.

the prep has a good rep, including for mild SEN. But I do find it a bit intimidating (I went to state school) and all the children do look a bit perfect. I do like the smaller class sizes and I do think my son would get lost in a state school. But I’m disappointed in how uninclusive it seems.

my husband was saying today he thinks the teacher is out of her depth. When we had a follow up meeting with the SEN she looked pretty nervous. But then again as I say they could just be trying to manage us out….

Anyone know of any inclusive prep schools in bucks or Herts?!

Appreciate you may not want to say, but could you name the school OP?

My nephews go to Thorpe House in Bucks and get on well.

They may not be trying to manage you out.

Mine went to a prep school. Once they hit year 5 they got reports each year giving exam results and stating the position in class.

Preps also do not have to teach to the national curriculum (technically neither do academies) and so it is common for them to have higher expectations for each year group.

State schools tend to sugar coat reports to parents or alternatively don't say how well the child is doing. Prep schools tend to see parents as customers and will usually be very clear about how the child is doing.

This can come as a shock if you are not used to it.

My DS was appalling at foreign languages, and he got some awful reports. I was largely happy that they were being honest with me and he dropped them all at gcse.

Teacher sounds unprofessional and trying to make her stats good. Doesn't sound like the right class for your son ( not cos of ability, what you say sounds normal for a summer born, but cos of the teachers attitude) what exactly does she propose? She should offer advice, solutions. I'd go to headteacher, explain and ask if they'd like you to withdraw your £££.

My DD is in Reception in a private school which isn't selective. She can read simple words and has been blending for about 6 months now, but she is going to be 5 in a couple of weeks. I have just had her first report and she is classed as working beyond expectations for her age. What I am trying to say is that I think your little one is entirely normal for his age and if he follows the same trajectory as my DD, will take another 6 months to start blending. So plesse don't worry OP

I dont have any experience with prep schools but I just wanted to comment and say I hope you are ok. My DD is one of the eldest and has mild SEN/anxiety and speech and language issues. Her teacher told us @ parents evening they have tried everything and did not know what to do with her. I cried the whole night as felt like they had rejected her almost! She knew her sounds but blending them together just wasnt a thing.

She is now in Y1 and back up to speed 😃