How do you balance parenting with a full-time job?

[hasuty67]

I'm a working mum and often find it challenging to balance my career with raising my kids. How do you manage the demands of work and family life without feeling overwhelmed?

Without feeling overwhelmed? Not sure! I do it, but I definitely feel overwhelmed...

Otherwise:
Short (walking) commute for me
I work full time but finish at 4pm, 4.30 latest
DH works two days from home
Cleaner once a fortnight to keep a basic level of cleanliness
Nursery for youngest 4 days a week
Eldest is at school + after-school club till 4.30
School dinners!

I think the saving grace is that, although our jobs are demanding in some ways, they are flexible.

Is school "parenting" your child? Is a one-evening babysitter "parenting" your child? If not, then why is a nursery or nanny "parenting" your child? (And if the school is parenting my child, then why do they have to get my permission to give them a medicine or take them off the grounds?)

If you work FT and have preschoolers, then yes, you have to outsource the hands-on care during your working hours. That isn't the same as outsourcing parenting. You are still the parent - you still call the shots, set the standard for behaviour, do the worrying. There's more to parenting than changing nappies and spooning puree. I'm doing some parenting right now from my desk, researching and arranging secondary school visits for DC1.

Husband is a teacher so he does all holiday time childcare. She
We share all housework, and each gets their time to do their interests. We don't overload the kids with activities (they have 2 each that they enjoy). We also take turns with other parents to take/collect from after school clubs (as a few friends go to the same activity).

To answer the question honestly- very badly, with lots of balls dropped and a huge amount of guilt on all fronts

I work full time, so does DH. I would say I have a career, I'm a business analyst for a software company, and I'm working my way up.

We have a 4yo in reception, and a 6yo in y2. They go to after school club every day, until 5.30. DH requested he start his day as early as possible which means he works 8-5, and he does pick up from ASC. I work 9-5.30 also by request, and I WFH full time, so I do drop offs. We live close enough to school so it's a five minute walk which helps a lot. I travel occasionally for work and so does DH.

In terms of managing day to day, the kids don't do any evening clubs at the moment. DH does most of the cooking, and we do meal planning and an online grocery shop together on a friday evening usually. I do most of the laundry, and until recently we had a cleaner who came once a week, I'm in the process of trying to replace her at the moment. We're working on getting the kids to tidy up after themselves, and the state of the house is a constant battle at the moment.

In the evenings, DH picks them up, he cooks dinner while I do reading and homework with the kids/clean up the kitchen around him/fold laundry/tidy up etc.

Grandparents are about 40 minutes away. They do have them for a day here and there in the school holidays, but are too far away for after school care. DH's sister stays with us often, and she will care for them in the evening, or on a weekend if we want to go out occasionally. The rest of holidays are managed with annual leave and a holiday club run by the after school club.

So we manage, with some paid for help, and a bit of family help which I am very very grateful for. I do sometimes feel the kids miss out on things, I'd like them to go to cubs or sports clubs or whatever, but it's just not practical with our working hours at the moment. In a couple of years I might be able to reduce my hours a bit, and allow the kids to do those things, but at the moment money is too tight for us to really think about that.

It's taken a lot of effort on both sides for me and DH to set ourselves up to work like this, he was as proactive as me about requesting hours of work that fit with family life, he changed jobs recently and rejected a few potential roles because the commute would be too disruptive or the hours wouldn't work. We're a team, which is the main thing that makes it work.

I have a cleaner.
I have a nanny who does the school runs although I am around after 4. She then sorts out the kids' clothes, their laundry and their rooms a bit. Also picks up and drops off from activities.
We meal plan and batch cook.
Life runs to a schedule. Everything is sorted the night before we go to bed.
Breakfast is the same in the morning.
DH is an equal parent in every sense of the term (he sits on the PTA, takes a lot of the mental load).
Neither of us have any personal time. I don't think we have done a 'date night' in years.

We live in a state of constant chaos. We share drop offs / pick ups. I do work from home a couple of days and DP finishes work earlier twice a week. We rely on breakfast clubs and after school clubs. We have a cleaner and we often use food boxes as we can't seem to think about food too much. We work late into the evenings most days.