How do you balance parenting with a full-time job?

[hasuty67]

I'm a working mum and often find it challenging to balance my career with raising my kids. How do you manage the demands of work and family life without feeling overwhelmed?

I don't. Once my children went to school, for me something had to give and I swapped my career for a job.

I now finish work at 2.30, have a job I can leave at the door and collect children from school. My brain is bored but I'm finding the boredom easier than the overwhelm was.

I went back full time when baby was 6 months and again at 6 months for second baby.

It is hard to balance everything but somethings I do include

• paid cleaner every week
• order food online, write up a menu on the fridge so dh or nanny can cook
• after school nanny during the primary years who also did kids laundry

And I'm lucky to have a somewhat flexible job (time off in the day can be made up in the evening).

And most importantly, DH genuinely does 50% of the parenting and 50% of the household stuff.

First few years were tough but it got easier.

I don’t manage. I cry a lot. I keep think life will get easier but it doesn’t.

I went 4 days a week. Now as a single parent to a schoolchild. And have super defined work boundaries.

In my younger days I gave everything to the job and I tell you now it gives literally no shits about me. So I graft solidly for four days a week, and once I get in the car I'm done. And on my one day off, I have six hours to do the stuff that needs doing.

DH does his full share. I earn enough to buy in serious childcare and have a cleaner. I enjoy my job (and although we discussed DH being a SAHD we didn’t even think about it for me). Works well.

I think the key is to have a supportive husband or co-parent who does their fair share. DH does all the school drop offs so I can start work early and finish in time to do the pick ups. Also waiting until you have finished climbing the career ladder before having kids helps as you aren’t stressed upskilling and chasing promotions. Working from home the majority of the time is a major factor in balancing everything as you aren’t wasting any of the day commuting etc.

I just do. I don't think I do anything special. We have a cleaner and DS (5) attends after school clubs and wraparound care most days so both of us can work FT. We tend to split the drop offs/pick ups based on our diaries and are both senior enough to be able to manage our own schedules.

We do only have one child which helps a lot but that was a deliberate choice on our part.

Felt stressed as fuck for years. Probably prioritised work, tbh, as the regime I was working under dictated it and we couldn't afford for one of us to lose our job.

Everything got done though. Reading, homework fucking costumes for Everything, money for this, money for that, kids round to play after school sometimes, clubs for the kids, endless weekends of parties. Dh and I split a lot of it, but I still did all the emotional stuff and planning. Kids have been helping with some chores as soon as age appropriate because the whole thing falls apart if we don't work together.

I. Also made sure I had time to do what I wanted- gym/friends. I did feel constantly on the verge of burnout, but only for about 12 years in total.

I don’t think you can to be honest. Something’s got to give and for me it’s been the job, which is why I now only work part time

I don’t and am now fat and depleted. Even with a cleaner and meal boxes and dh who helps out, I’ve taken a back seat in my own life and I’m constantly exhausted.

Took it in turns. I worked PT for a while, then DH did.

Dropped a day in order to be able to work from home, unpaid, on that day. Still have to work evenings and some hours on a weekend. DC wraparound care. Always worried I'm not meeting DC's needs, especially DC1 who has SEN.
Dropping career in favour of a 'job' is very tempting.

I dropped a day (I still earn more than DH on 0.81 FTE). I’m hybrid, he WFH full time. We moved to live in a small village right by the nursery and school so that our travel time is minimal (apart from my 2 office days). The school run takes less than 5 mins there and back walking. This makes a huge difference. DD does breakfast club and ASC 4 days a week and has school dinners so she only needs a simple home dinner and no packed lunch to make. We eat our main meal at lunchtime when I am WFH which makes evenings easier.

We do laundry and cooking on WFH days. On my non work day I do the cleaning and general chores. DH splits pick up and drop off with me. He does most of the cooking and food shopping and we do equal bedtimes etc.

We are also living in a house renovation so free time for DH is all house things and I largely do activities with DD (purely because I am shit at DIY and he’s good). We have let the large garden go to wild as we can’t do it all.

Basically we are both hands on and have very little downtime. We also have hens, horse and cats in the mix.

Only 1 child helps though, I don’t think we’d have enjoyed 2.

As a single mum, my career had to continue so life involved ASC, working for an employer based within 5 miles of the school, and a lot of advanced planning.

But I didn't have to worry about maintaining a relationship as well. When at home, DS was my priority. That made things easier.And only having one child.

I question my life choices 5 days a week and every one of them tell myself it will get better. I’m keeping afloat, won’t say coping as I’m missing things left and right both at work and home but no one has died. I get through the weeks with;
DH doing drop offs, I do pick ups
Online shopping for food and everything else
Cleaner
Gardener
Really helpful and supportive parents - without these I wouldn’t be afloat, very privileged and grateful to have their support
Crying
Have in the last few months ensured that I do some exercise and this has really helped me mentally - one of my classes is off at the moment and I’ve noticed my coping levels dip as a result
Outsouring decorating and other jobs because there isn’t enough holiday for all the children’s holidays and my mind goes crazy with things that need doing when I am struggling

I have no idea what else I could do to make it work better and have come to the conclusion that I am doing all that I can. The next step would be to change job (known to the a challenging and under resourced field with even more of a crunch to come).

Single parent of 3, working full time, the nature of the job is very important. Previous job I wasn’t able to work full time, this one I can because of flexi time and managing my own workload. Also having a school with wrap around care.

We both have public sector jobs so crap salary but a lot of flexibility around hybrid working and flexing start/finish times which reduces wraparound care.

We don't have a cleaner but considering getting one. House is hygienic but messy most of the time currently. Online food shop is a must.

If I'm honest my career has flatlined somewhat since having DC as some days are a bit 'do minimum' at work. I don't really have the energy to go above and beyond to score a promotion right now.

Single mum of three primary kids, work full time. No help from ExH or family, but the flexibility to work from home 2 days a week, and a wonderful school with wraparound care. It still feels like the house is always a mess and there are a million chores round the house I'll never get round to though.

Two dc, now age 6 and 8. I work almost full time (one slightly short day). DH is full time but can flex his hours a bit. We live 5 minutes from school and both work larely from home, with very occasional meetings elsewhere. DH more than pulls his weight, we split everything. We use after school club 3 days a week, don't need breakfast club because of closeness to school.

So WFH, proximity to school, equal partnership, and a bit of paid childcare is what makes it work for us. We do OK, with no family nearby.

I tried but hated it so gave up. Stopped f/t work until youngest was 9.
Just cut our life style massively. All clothes hand me downs or charity shops. Same old car for 20 years. Camping holidays or house swaps. Kids present all from car boots. Never bought stuff we didn't really need. Small house. Lots of house parties for us and kids rather than paying a fortune at shitty soft play places.
Daytrips only if on offer or free. It isn't for everyone but worked. I now have gone into a new career. Love it. Work from home so still about for the teens. No savings, small pension but not that fussed. Very happy to have had all those years with them now that they only want to grunt at us every few days 😂

I manage because DH is an equal parent and I have the support of my parents. I’m genuinely dreading going back to work after this mat leave and having to juggle my condensed hours alongside my 3 children.

I think having chilled weekends and just accepting that weekends time for house jobs and chores helps too

WFH in a job that has a degree of flexibility.

I work 4 days a week as well

DH and I both have flexibility. We pay a cleaner. DH pulls his weight and we're 50:50 on everything. That's it really. I don't find it easy, but I don't find it cripplingly hard either..? I'm having a chill right now while the kids tidy their room.

We're both FT for what it's worth.

And also stuck to one child!