Academic Y1 child anxious and frustrated about school

[Jellycatrabbit]

My Y1 DS (autumn birthday) is really struggling with the return to school. Please does anyone have any advice.

His maths and English are top end of KS2. Plays violin to grade 2 and can beat his dad at chess. In Reception he was largely allowed to do his own thing in lesson times - lots of stretch work. It's hard to explain how academic he is without it sounding unbelievable.

In Y1 school are (quite reasonably) requiring him to work with the class and complete the Y1 curriculum. This involves stuff like 20 questions on number bonds to 10, practicing phonics, writing the letter L 20 times, etc.

He's getting so frustrated at the work he's being given, claiming stomach ache every morning and generally behaving badly in school. There is potentially SEN - I'm ASD. At home he is fine except his stomach magically hurts every time school is mentioned.

School has a reputation for being one of the highest achieving in the area without being pushy or pressured, and good with SEN. They were great in Reception. I'm reluctant to move him to another state school. Inside gossip says the local private school is about to go under. I really don't want to give up my career to home school.

School are very aware and willing to work with us. We are trying to back school up and encouraging DS to join in class work.

I'm feeling really lost and would welcome advice.

I think you need to talk to the school again. It isn't at all reasonable expecting him to work at a Y1 curriculum level when he's clearly already significantly beyond that. Have the y1 teachers liaised with Reception staff and shared the sort of extension activities that he's been used to?

I'd say fair enough do the class work but teachers should know / expect it to take him 2 seconds and have lots of extension work ready for him afterwards?

Are you in England and have been back at school for 2 weeks max?

If so you are being a bit dramatic taking about homeschooling tbh. Y1 is quite a big transition because the kids have less control over what they do and are much more constrained by the formal classroom. If he has ASD as you suspect this is going to be hard for him but that doesn't mean he can't do it.

The work may not be stimulating enough and you might have to do your own work to support school in the specifics of how that might change, but for now I would be trying to get into from him about exactly what it is about school that is upsetting him. It may be more about having to move around as a group/ sit in a prescribed chair etc than the actual work.

If his maths and English are at ks2 level then I presume he can read and write very happily.

You may get better advice posting in the gifted and talented section.

Speak to school again. If they're willing to work with you, that's great. Explain how DS is feeling and that you're worried it's starting to have a real impact on his relationship with school. Could you have a conversation with the SENDCO as well (not about ASD necessarily, but just about the fact that he's so exceptionally able - that is a special educational need).

How do you know he's at the top end of KS2 - has he sat assessments? Is his Maths/English UKS2 level across the board, or are there gaps? For example, is he composing and writing pieces of fiction and non-fiction at a Y5/6 level? Does he have a secure understanding of all the grammar terminology up to Y5/6?

Depending on the answers to the above, I would have thought it would perhaps make sense for him to go to other classes for his Maths and English, but stay with his current class for Science and the foundation subjects so that he covers the curriculum. At the very least, he needs extension work, and if his handwriting is Y5/6 level then he absolutely does not need to be writing single letters. No wonder he's bored!

They have only been back a week ffs! 7 weeks is a long time when you are 5!They are just trying to get them settled in a bit.They spend only a short time each day on English and maths.I feel this is coming from you!

Thank you for all the suggestions. I am going to request a meeting with school focusing on extension work.

He went back last Tues but the reaction has been so extreme. I mentioned home schooling just so the thread didn't get derailed in that direction. I do want to support him where he is.

I do also think the work is the issue. I've had similar in jobs with little or nothing to do, its completely soul destroying. The additional structure of Y1 means he can't pick up his extension books whenever he's bored or finished, as they are not always in their base room.

Maths to KS2 school have identified no gaps (they have tried hard to find them!). Non fiction writing is good, more like Y4 than Y6 level apparently. Fiction- he lacks imagination and isn't using enough adverbs. Grammar knowledge is solid. How on earth he has picked it up I do not know. He did occasionally do maths with Y4/5 class last year. I will suggest again. Isn't it impractical though to move around like that?

My GS was like this in primary school. He was not disturbed by it though - he just mucked in with what was going on and got used to other children asking him how to do things - they called him The Prof. It was all very lighthearted. The teachers responded to his cleverness by asking him to do things that meant he shared his talents. His parents were cool about it all, feeling he was learning important social lessons about the value of individuals and not judging them on their intellectual abilities.

There is no need for your child to be pushed on - he has done that for himself already - and the fact that the work is so easy for him is not something to be concerned about. He does not have to be crammed with extra academic stuff - that will all come later. What will he gain by adding in extra work? - he's going to grasp it all easily as time goes on. As a bright child, his life will be full of people having expectations of him - let him drift a bit just now - he will lose nothing.

He will take his lead from you if you do not convey any anxiety about this - there is nothing to be concerned about. The school will have seen all this before and they will know that it usually happens that things even out a bit between chidlren over time. You need to convey the positives of this situation to him and talk about the things he can do to help others. And encourage him to enjoy the outings, art, sport, music etc. It does not matter that he has grade 2 violin - he can share that with everyone else and join in the music making, but at his level.

My GS got a full scholarship to an excellent private school at secondary level and is settled and happy. The fact that he was at a basic village school at primary level has stood him in good stead and certainly not held him back in any way. He is a sociable and respectful young man who values those around him, whether bright or not. He has missed out on nothing. He is set to get good grades as would be expected.

It is very important that you are positive with him about school. Forget the "stretch work" - what a ghastly expression!!

How many mornings should I carry him screaming into the school office before asking for help? A week is also a long time when you're 5.

Yes it's been just over a week. The rest of the class don't seem to be struggling as much.

Sounds like he's probably bored and needs more work. My daughter can do number bonds to ten, add and subtract independently and practice writing her letters and she would be starting reception this month (decided to home ed instead). I was the same as a kid and ended up reading my book under the table after finishing my work each lesson. Maybe the teacher will let him read or do more advanced work?

@Jellycatrabbit

If you are carrying him in screaming the school surely knows he is unhappy? Why aren't they talking to you about it?

@tothelefttotheleft we are chatting at drop off and pick up but I probably need to arrange something more formal

One of my Dc is very bright for age. I am fortunate in that the sch put them in the higher year groups throughout the day which helps them not be bored. My concern is when there are no higher year groups. I regularly meet with the school though and they are very pro active.

my only real comment to you is to not forget they may be bright but they are still 5 . They are still only very young.
good luck and work with the school

That's quite an extreme response to being bored with the work, is there something else going on? How is he settled outside of the academics? Y1 is the second year of primary, right? So it'll still be heavily play based, and the social side is at least as important as the academics. Sounds like it may be more social issues with settling coming out through frustration with the work if that makes any sense.

Speak to the teacher and make sure he knows what he should do once he's finished the work that's been set (and they're probably all getting the same work this early in the year while the teacher identifies who's where, so he won't be the only one finishing early even if the others aren't as far ahead as him). Probably one for the SENCO too.

Talk to him a lot about the social side of school, playing, friends etc.

Ah, that's great that he's already done some Maths with a different class - so the school are open to it. It shouldn't be impractical to have children move around like that - it's quite common in schools, e.g. for phonics groups. Or sometimes children with significant gaps will work with lower years for specific subjects until those gaps are filled. No reason why it shouldn't work the other way round!

(I appreciate this was donkey's years ago, but I worked with older year groups for Maths and English when I was a kid at primary - didn't seem to cause a problem at the time.)

He can't just be left bored out of his mind doing the Y1 curriculum! Do get in touch with them today - it sounds like they'll be receptive.

Presumably as he's just started Y1, he has a new teacher? Maybe they need a bit of time to adapt their lesson planning to include stretching him. I would just keep talking to them, and let them get to know him and what he needs.

His behaviour might have more to do with potential ASD than academic ability. My recently confirmed ASD dd had a similarly difficult transition into y1 - the difference in format and expectations was a real shock to the system and we were all (dc, us as parents, school) a bit caught out by how hard it was for her. The loss of autonomy was a big part of it as it meant fewer opportunities for self-regulating activities. Sensory issues became more pronounced - things like carpet time became quite triggering, for example. She was basically being overwhelmed by new demands and then had insufficient outlet for self regulation.

understanding what is causing the stress is key, and it probably goes beyond just being bored - that just might be the bit he is best able to articulate.

also, not sure what your school’s timetable is, but reading and maths lesson is rarely more than a couple of hours at my dc (admittedly private) school. They do more throughout the day, but usually in the guise of a special project or science lesson, which has much more scope for children to adapt to their own learning level. Add in PE, assembly, art, forest school, music, etc. and the time spent on formal lessons is a surprisingly small part of the day, so it isn’t like he has 7 hours of drudgery even if the lessons are a total mismatch to his ability.

This was me at primary school & I was only ever given extra homework as an extension, which felt like a punishment, and didn't solve the problem of school being boring. I have ADHD (only diagnosed in my teens after becoming very depressed). In girls often, but potentially also boys, ADHD can lead to extreme emotional responses. It's not as simple as finding the lessons dull, but I actually felt like my head was going to explode because I was so unhappy with having nothing to do/focus on. I don't say this to brag at all but was in top 1% apparently + I was so bored. A whole 6 hour day with no stimulation for a child is an eternity & it made me depressed.

I started misbehaving at secondary school because it was too easy, lost interest in school, attendance below 30% in years 10-11 and came out with As & Bs. I should've been getting the top grades but I didn't care.

I say all this because only in my 20s have I started to tap into my gifts again & actually learn to enjoy being pushed & challenged. I really hope that similar doesn't happen to your son. They're only young for a short time & once they "switch off", it's very hard to re-engage them

If you are dragging him in "screaming" then the problem does not lie with his academic prowess but with something else entirely.

You need to talk with the school, but need to be ready to listen and take on board that his intelligence, which you rightly value, might have nothing to do with the situation at all. Go in with an open mind.

I don't teach maths any more but I did for a long time.

This sort of situation is tricky but relatively common. Most primaries will have in them a gifted kid. The usual solution is that they read their book when the work is done in English or phonics. For maths I'd suggest getting him started on theNRich ks1 problems working up to ks2.

nrich.maths.org/students/primary

Primary maths challenge papers might also be helpful.

www.primarymathschallenge.org.uk

However if he is emotionally reacting to inappropriate work in this way I would have concerns about ASD. This means that there needs to be balance as he will need to develop emotional maturity and social skills as well so it's not as simple as sending him up to work with other classes.

Check out the gifted and talented forum.

I would doubt that his extreme reaction is solely about not being stretched academically. He may say it is as it's easier than saying 'I'm really upset because Bobby didn't play with me' or 'I find the class overwhelming' etc.

Have you looked at this organisation? They might be able to help https://potentialplusuk.org/

I agree with pp though, year 1 is when social bonds become more important for the kids.
Could social aspects be impacting his happiness at school?

I agree with others that this sounds like more than just being bored academically at school.

My DD (who is certainly not as gifted academically as your DS, though she is now flying at grammar school) was easily kept stimulated in Reception as there was so much freedom, but in Y1 she did find the work very easy, which the teachers acknowledged and tried to tailor the work (not very successfully) - the extension work often dried up, and DD was over-used as a free TA at times (and anyone who says it is good for deepening their learning is only right up to a point...)

However, there were plenty of good lessons learned in Y1 about following instructions, working in a more formal setting, doing the easy work quickly and accurately and learning how to ask politely for something more challenging, and general social development. It did DD no harm in the long run, academically, and she wasn't unhappy.

Your school seems to be handling it very well - helpful and flexible, and keen to work with you. I do wonder whether the 'freedom' your DS was given in Reception didn't set him up in the best way for Y1 as he is now struggling to conform with the class routines (and that does have to happen to some extent in mainstream education, however bright he is!)

It does sound as though your DS's reaction is out of proportion to simply finding the work too easy. There is definitely more going on there - whether it is a friendship/bullying issue, or SEN. Good luck with working with the school (and perhaps specialists in due course) to help him.

If you’re having to carry him screaming into the school office every morning, the problem isn’t just that the year one work is unchallenging.

Smart kids push themselves. Their own natural interest extends their thinking.I used to help in y1 and the teacher would set lots of open ended exploration work. No need for any child to be bored.

Add to this maths and English take up only a fraction of the day.They have all the foundation subjects to cover plus all the other stuff like assemblies break time which are equally important for your child's holistic development

Why don't you give the academics rest for now and look at other areas of development where he is less strong.I mean if he is coming in screaming every morning , that might bea good place to start