Academic Y1 child anxious and frustrated about school

[Jellycatrabbit]

My Y1 DS (autumn birthday) is really struggling with the return to school. Please does anyone have any advice.

His maths and English are top end of KS2. Plays violin to grade 2 and can beat his dad at chess. In Reception he was largely allowed to do his own thing in lesson times - lots of stretch work. It's hard to explain how academic he is without it sounding unbelievable.

In Y1 school are (quite reasonably) requiring him to work with the class and complete the Y1 curriculum. This involves stuff like 20 questions on number bonds to 10, practicing phonics, writing the letter L 20 times, etc.

He's getting so frustrated at the work he's being given, claiming stomach ache every morning and generally behaving badly in school. There is potentially SEN - I'm ASD. At home he is fine except his stomach magically hurts every time school is mentioned.

School has a reputation for being one of the highest achieving in the area without being pushy or pressured, and good with SEN. They were great in Reception. I'm reluctant to move him to another state school. Inside gossip says the local private school is about to go under. I really don't want to give up my career to home school.

School are very aware and willing to work with us. We are trying to back school up and encouraging DS to join in class work.

I'm feeling really lost and would welcome advice.

The additional structure of Y1 means he can't pick up his extension books whenever he's bored or finished, as they are not always in their base room.

This seems like an easy fix - my bright DC (not gifted & talented level, tho) was always allowed to read when finished, so read a LOT! They can let him take reading books with him.

I do wonder whether the 'freedom' your DS was given in Reception didn't set him up in the best way for Y1 as he is now struggling to conform with the class routines (and that does have to happen to some extent in mainstream education, however bright he is!)

This sounds very likely to me. Most children find the transition from free-flow Reception to more formal Y1 difficult to a greater or lesser extent. If there’s suspected ASD, then transitions are often tricky, and routines and structure help but need to be adjusted to first. A long summer holiday, a new teacher - some teething problems are to be expected. But all the more reason to have the discussions around how they can help him.

Mine in Y2 is exactly the same. We are on the waiting list for a psychologist who specialises in gifted kids. I don't know what else to do. Last year it got to a point where she was making herself physically sick so she could try and stay home.

Having to drag a kicking and screaming child to school every day is not a great start of the day.

It's not the work that's the problem here. You need to work on his resilience, emotions and maturity. You have more of an issue here than academics. I'm a teacher and find it hard to believe a 5 year old can write and read at Year 6 level without being explicitly taught the concepts.

@Jellycatrabbit i agree you should act on this fast and keep a solid eye on his feelings and concerns he has many many more years of education ahead of him and you want him to continue the joy and wonder of it all for some time to come.
IF he is a sensible child I would ask for the ability to join in other classes besides just for math.
this conformation and indoctrination to sitting long periods bored out if his mind is obviously not suited for him. my dd and my grand daughter both had liberty to go to the library and work with the teacher librarian for different stretch work in a different setting. my daughter in law is a teacher librarian and has a variety of students that come to her throughout the day for differentiated work.

my point is if your little fellow needs to walk about different ideas should be considered.

We're a couple of years ahead just starting year 3 and DD's apathy re school is ramping up. Also likely ASD, also finds the maths and English a doddle. She is an overthinker and seems to use the time when she's finished the worksheets to sit and think negative thoughts.

It's a very unhappy situation to be in. People probably think I'm bragging if it comes up in conversation that DD is ahead of her peers academically but if I had a magic wand I would place her comfortably in the middle of the class.

Schools are generally instructed not to extend advanced pupils upwards so any greater depth involves lots of application of 3x4 in different ways. It's just not stimulating for a child who absolutely loves learning but was happily playing with numbers like this a couple of years ago.

Following for useful advice.

There is the academic ability and then there is the social & emotional side. I would go speak to the SENCO. Aim to extend out of school as much as possible with various instruments, languages, chess and possibly a Maths tutor if you cannot do it yourself. Have an agreement with school to complete the set work and then do something constructive even if it is reading, writing in a journal, reading a science book and doing a diagram type stuff.
In our school, he would be given TA support and 1:1 for the social & emotional side to discuss things he is interested in.
Are there any other kids like him in the class/higher up in the school? Again, buddy groups can help. There will be some clever kids, maybe not quite on his level, but he needs interaction that is intelligent/sophisticated games, he may need help to form those relationships.

The other important thing is that DCs with your DS’ profile can be very rigid about stuff they are not good at. May even be things like handwriting, catching a ball, whatever it is. You really want to not just push the stuff they are amazing at (like the Maths), but get them to learn patience with stuff they find more difficult. That is often the tricky bit. Especially the other people bit. Patience is difficult for all children, but gifted children in particular.

I'm a SENDCo and would recommend that you investigate ASD. Ask school to investigate a 'soft landing' for your DS at the beginning of the day, and frequent breaks to a quiet place to prevent overwhelm.

Thank you all. Lots and lots to think about.

He has had a good day today once he calmed down from drop-off, the SENCO is working on a support plan and we have a meeting booked with the teacher for the end of next week. I feel like I have a plan.

Sports are an area he struggled with and we go to a weekly team sport class. It's tricky though because once you have school, maths for fun, reading for fun, music, sports class . . . I do want to let him be little and not be pushing pushing pushing all the time. He does enough of that himself. But I also want him to be engaged and interested at school, after all he probably has another 13 years to go.

OP I am teaching year 1 this year - I will say that last week and this week I have made minimal adaptions for my class, and not much extension work at all

I am assessing their needs. I am seeing how well they can sit at the table independently and get on with their work. I am working out where my support needs to be, I’m working out who is going to need the extra adaptions and indeed who I need to push. I’m rebuilding social skills and school expectations which many need reinforcing after the summer holidays. I’m also getting them used to less choosing time, and the new expectations that they need to get on with work themselves, they can’t rush through and go off to play, they’ve got to start solving their own problems.

I highly expect things are similar in your son’s class. Us teacher hold transition meetings but until those children are right in front of us, we don’t truly know exactly the best way to teach them. Of course have a chat with the school, but as others have said, go in with an open mind. I am adapting my planning next week and have extension tasks at the ready but I probably still won’t get it entirely right.

It sounds like your son is struggling in other ways. Being top academically is great and he sounds like a very gifted boy……the struggle may well be the change of routine, the change of expectations,,,,,particularly the reduction in opportunities to take charge of what they want to do. I’m sure the school will be ready to work with you, the first couple of weeks are quite bumpy as everyone settles back and new routines are established.

My DD was the same (has ASD). However, what we realised was that it was the social side and implicit rules etc that was the challenge, along with being bored. I'd chase that assessment as a matter or urgency.