Son starts reception this sept he’s 4 need tips

[Dreamymama]

Hi guys,

my son starts reception this sept he’s a summer baby, I was in the middle of sending my son to reception this year and trying to get him tos dart once he’s 5 but council or school didn’t agree. Anyways I think he will be okay just on the emotional side I worry a bit.

he is tiolet trained and I am teaching him how to wipe himself. I was wondering how the toilets would be in school for little kids? He uses a smaller potty on the flush but would it be according to there size? Would they be able to sit on it easily? I am so worried as teachers are not allowed to help them. :(

also does he take packed lunch or does the school provided this? Anyone else has a summer born who started reception at 4? I am just worried about him settling and getting used to 5 days. He goes daycare at the moment 3 days a week.

also am I able to still send him daycare during summer holidays?

You've had a lot of good advice, but I would just add that if you need wrap around care (breakfast club / afterschool club) then definitely ask about that when you call the school on Monday. A lot of schools don't offer it, and many others will have waiting lists due to limited space.

If you need care outside of the school day the sooner you can book this (through school or another provider like a childminder) the better.

Wow, I really would push back on that. A month is ridiculous. Yes he's young, and he may be tired, but a month is far too long for half days. He's going to miss so much.

My son was a late August born too, schools are are used to the whole year intake group age range . There has to be a cut -off. There is nothing special about the younger ones. Are you being over protective?

Lots of good advice on here but yes I sympathise as mine had only turned 4 a few days before starting school - its a ridiculous system. One thing that really helped in the early days was that as well as sewing her name into everything that was not physically attached to her I drew a small picture in laundry marker on each of the labels - in her case it was a flower but for a boy it could be an apple or a bike or something - so that she could identify her things more easily than struggling through her name. Her teacher really liked the idea.

I’d focus on the toileting as the big one. From now on he uses the proper toilet, yes they will be appropriately sized at school, and get him to always wipe himself first then you check. Get daycare to do the same. Most don’t change for PE now but at home he should be putting shoes on the right feet, putting his raincoat on, putting them away when he gets in. Those are all things my 3YO who doesn’t start school for another year can manage so it’s not a big ask for a 4YO. School lunches are usually free (if it’s a state school) but you can normally do a packed lunch instead if he’d prefer that. Colouring and play doh are good for building up fine motor skills but don’t worry about nailing a perfect pencil grip or anything like that! Talk to the school about everything else. It’ll be fine! My eldest is a summer born too.

My eldest niece started school at 4, she has an August birthday. She is now a solicitor.

I remember her being quite tired at first but she was fine.

These are things you need to be asking the school.

My ds was 4 at the end of July and started school in September. We had worked on all these things as had his day nursery. He may not have been perfect, but he could have a bash at all of that.
You need to put the work in over the summer to make sure he is ready.
DS is nearly 16, just finished his GCSEs, and did very well as a summer born boy.

Those are all things my 3YO who doesn’t start school for another year can manage so it’s not a big ask for a 4YO

It might well be a big ask of some 4yo - just because your 3yo can do it doesn't mean all will be able to.

OP try to get a meet with the school, write a list of things you need to know, including how much support they give. I'm sure they will be able to reassure you about many of your concerns.

My ds was 4 and 4 days when he started. He loved it and thrived although he fell asleep on the sofa everyday after school for the first term.

Don’t worry- it’s juts soon things to help him have a go at and if he’s able to do some of them that’s great. I would say that the most important things would be-

getting himself changed and putting shoes on the right feet
putting his coat on/off
using the loo independently.
It’s not a tick list but some things to start practicing over the holidays. You’d be surprised at how much he can do if you start now!

Why doesn't he know how to do most of those things?
Rather than thinking " he's only 4" start thinking " he's 4! He needs to know how to do this!"
My son is an end of August birthday so was literally just four when he started but he could dress himself and go to the toilet and eat with a knife and fork etc

We do our children no favours when we baby them . They need to be capable and independent humans!

Really? Our preschool has all the kids changing their own shoes (wellies and velcro trainers) and putting on their coats, taking them off and hung up on their pegs, from when they started at 2.5 years old. I would have thought that a 4YO with no additional needs should easily be able to manage those things if given the opportunity. As well as encouraging him at home I’d get the current daycare/nursery to do the same if they aren’t already. He’ll be fine! The bottom wiping is the trickier one but there’s a month and a half to go and hopefully he can make good progress in that time.

It's usually small sized toilets in infants school but practice getting him to use a toilet rather than a potty at home over the summer, and make sure he can wash his hands too.
The school should have let you know arrangements for lunch, but it's free meals for reception I think? (I'm in Wales so slightly different rules) so assume he will be having school dinners.
If you do decide to send him with a packed lunch make sure he can open packets and containers because the staff will be busy trying to help everyone.
It would also be a good idea to practice getting his coat on and off, and shoes too for when they do PE

He won’t be left without his coat being done up, they will help but the more independent you make him the easier his transition will be. Give yourself an extra 10 mins before leaving the house and support rather than do things for him.

You need to get working on the wiping, dressing, shoes etc. They are pretty average expectations for a NT 4 year old. My 5 year old still isn't brilliant at wiping but manages.

Unfortunately teachers with 30 kids can't support all the children to do these things.

I'm sure you've done this already but it's worth checking out the school website. Ours has all the same material that they give to new parents there

A quarter of the kids starting are summer born, it's not that unusual. If his development was delayed, hopefully the nursery would have flagged it up.

Therefore, he can't do his coat etc because you always do it for him, no other reason - you can give him a bit more responsibility over the summer and he'll be fine.

The school will let you know logistics about lunch etc. There's nothing that can't be fixed gradually after he starts. My DD had a child start from Italy who couldn't speak much English and didn't know she was meant to wear uniform. It was nothing the school couldn't handle and she was all caught up in no time.

Op, good advice here!
Just to say: please relax. Kids pick this stuff up so fast when they are around other kids.

My 3.5yo is starting school nursery in September in a combined area with reception. They won't be the youngest, so yes the teachers will support.

Definitely call Monday and arrange a visit. Take DC with you, if you can, to meet teacher and get extra familiarisation. A longer play session would be useful if they can do that too.
Keep it fun and exciting.

There’s summer-born and there’s summer-born. There can be a big difference between a child born on 1 April and a child born on 31 August. Mine started within days of his 4th birthday so I get where you’re coming from. DC2 is 4.5 and about to start, and seems much more ready than DC1 did.

Our school has asked everyone to work on wiping after using the toilet as they can direct but can’t help. They’ve said it is helpful if they can read/recognise their own name, put own coat/shoes on, etc., and to try to work on these things.

Is he your first/only child? My first was much less of a self-starter in terms of doing things independently, which I don’t think is unusual - it’s worth pushing them a bit over the summer. But I would say that generally they are all fine, it can take a good few weeks/half term or more for them to get used to it and settle but you will be amazed at how much he will pick up from other children. Peer pressure can be great!

Toilets will be size appropriate with toilet paper on rolls. Staff won't routinely help wipe, etc though if there are accidents they will assist, obviously. Send a spare change of pants and trousers in a bag just incase.

Please don't send in flushable wipes. They cause no end of issues with plumbing, etc. They really shouldn't be flushed, regardless of what they are called, and there won't be bins in the toilet cubicles.

Food will be school dependent. However, all infant school pupils in England are entitled to a free lunch at school. There will be a menu to select from, it's often a rolling 3 week menu with a main option and a vegetarian option. Some will also offer a jacket potato and/or sandwich option too. Some schools do this daily - we do, we ask the children each morning, and others ask parents to make the selections in advance, often on an app/online site. Most also allow children to bring in their own packed lunch. Where these are eaten will vary in each school dependent on hall space, etc. We sit packed lunch children in a classroom as we are limited in hall space. Make sure packed lunch boxes are labelled.

Milk will be provided daily for free until the child turns 5. You can chose to pay for it after that.

Fruit/veg snacks are provided daily, free of charge, in infants. Some schools allow children to bring in their own healthy snacks but others won't allow this. It will be school dependent.

You will be expected to send your child in with a water bottle daily. They] children are normally only allowed water in this. Some insist on transparent water bottles, others don't. Make sure it is labelled with your child's name.

Your child will usually need a bag - usually called a book bag. Where possible avoid big backpacks as many schools have limited storage space for bags, coats, etc. Make sure this is labelled too. You may be asked to provide a bag with a change of clothes in too, incase of accidents. Some schools ask children to have indoor shoes, not all. Some ask for children to bring in PE kits for their pegs, but some simply ask children to come to school in kits on the pe days.

Infact make sure everything is labelled clearly - name on bags, objects, coats, uniform, everything!

In September there may be a staggered start so try to find the details of those in advance. Some schools start everyone full time on day 1, some stagger it over a week or two.

I would contact school early next week to get an information pack. They will have usually been sent out after the initial admissions dates came out so obviously as yours is a later entry I'd phone to chase - simply as many schools finish on Friday, or the week after. You may be able to get a short transition session sorted next week too, even if it's just a walk round tour.

Don't panic. He still has about 7-8 weeks before he starts school. That's plenty of time to nail basic life skills, if you put the ground work in to support him in being more independent.

You need to reframe this. Not, "he's only 4", but "he's now 4 and about to start school, I need to support him to learn how to do these things for himself now".

Reception staff are very use to supporting children to do up zips, wipe bottoms, put on shoes, take off jumpers etc. However, they will ask them to try for themselves first. You can always tell who is use to having everything done for them still and it's not helping them. They need to start learning some basic independence at this age. Schools never expect all children to have mastered all things on the school readiness list before they start school, but we do ask that parents encourage them to try doing all of these things for themselves now they're about to start school. Ultimately, it's for their own benefit.

So if you are still dressing him, feeding him, wiping his bum etc without a second thought, start saying to him "you need to try, I'm here if you need any help". You'll be amazed how much progress he makes once he starts to realise you are not going to automatically do everything for him anymore. Prepare to make a big fuss of him, lots of whooping and cheering etc every time he masters something new. He's growing up and learning that he needs to try doing these things for himself, but that adults are there to support him if he's stuck, is probably the best thing you can do in helping to prepare him for starting school.

I hope you manage to contact the school and ask many of the questions OP, I am sure they will be able to help you. But don’t worry, schools are well used to very young children with variable skills starting school. But as others have said, there are ways you can support him before he starts.

Many reception classes try not to do much dressing and undressing for PE in the first term for obvious reasons, but it is likely that he will have to take his shoes and socks off, so I would concentrate on those skills ( Velcro shoes are a blessing). Putting on his own coat is also useful, don’t worry too much about fastening it, they will help. Toileting has been well covered in previous posts.

One thing I would add is if you do go down the packed lunch box option is to practice at home. Can he open the lunch box, unwrap the food, know to eat his sandwich/ wrap first, put the yogurt spoon back in the lunch box not the bin etc.

I am sure he will be fine, remember he will be tired after the school day, it is busy, noisy and confusing at first. You will also learn fast that the things he remembers are not the ones you want to know about, you might want to know if he read with the teacher, but he will remember there was a wasp in the classroom, X fell over in the playground and Y was sick.

Practise using cut;dry for meals if he doesn't already. It's surprising how many of our children start school unable to use a knife and fork to eat. And a cup without a lid, without spilling it all.

Re the coat - this past year I've noticed a lot of our reception children do this thing where they lay the coat down in front of them and somehow pass it over their heads to put them on. Some have the zip part way dine so I assume it make fastening it easier - so long as they then don't fully unfasten it later. You could also get a coat that has Velcro fastening as well as a zip.

Re shoes - make sure you use Velcro ones. Don't put him in lace up shoes until he can tie his own. This is one of my big bugbears. I hate tying the laces of school shoes of our little ones - grim when the laces are wet and stool, but you know it's not been raining!

Thank you everyone for the supporting comment I am working on him with all the things everyone has mentioned above, he does pick up on things quite quickly so hopefully he will be able to do most of the things before reception. But it does feel at ease reading that the staff do support them :)

I'm with you on the laces. It's grim, plus young children are constantly tugging on them on the carpet pulling them undone on purpose. The noise of velcro being fiddled with on the carpet is like nails down a blackboard, but it's preferable to something they have no chance of doing up themselves and require constant support with.

I hate that ridiculous coat-flip trick. After witnessing too many children smacking other kids in the face when wildly flapping their arms/coat back (a metal zip hitting you full force in the face/tooth stings like mad), I put a ban on that method in school. It's just not appropriate in a busy cloakroom (but can see why parents wouldn't think of this). Quite why people can't teach their kids to slip their arms in normally anymore I'll never know. Curse of social media I think. Someone shared a video years back and suddenly everyone's like "oh what a genius idea". It's just not practical in reality. I do also wonder if these kids will forever be flipping their coat over their head into adulthood! 😂