My son got strangled by another child

[Joanna90]

My son has come home and said he got strangled by another child in his class. He openly admitted that he pushed this child first but then the child went and strangled him, another child had to get the ta on duty who told this child he would lose the rest of his play time. The child got taken in to see the teacher and he had to apologise along with my son for pushing him. They are 6. I have not been told anything by the school regarding this only because my son went to bed worrying he told me. Another parent had messaged me to ask if he was ok and her child’s story was the same as mine. What do I do? Do I go and speak to the head or the teacher? I feel I should have been told and more action should have been taken. Can I have some advice on this matter please.

School should have communicated with you (& parent of the other child) but beyond that not sure what ‘action’ you feel should be taken.

What are you doing with your son re him initiating a fight?

You can talk to the teacher but don’t expect to be told what is happening with other child. They may want to talk to you about your child about how it started

Check your son’s neck for bruising or red marks. Photograph if necessary. Speak to the safeguarding lead at school. Ask what will happen to prevent a repeat and improve communication as you should have been told immediately. Explain that strangling is a precursor to more serious dangerous behaviours. Contact the NSPCC if unhappy or there’s a repeat.

I would just ask the teacher at pick up. They will be able to give you a clearer picture of what happened, and you can explain that although your child started it you will be working in his behaviour with him, you want to be advised of any physical altercations he is involved in.

Both need to keep their hands to themselves.

Hands are for writing, eating, drawing, doing sport and throwing shapes, not for hurting each other!

I agree with you all and yes he should not of pushed him and I have told him and explained that to him. I have said he was completely in the wrong for starting it. He told me he pushed him because this child is as nasty about his delayed speech.
I do not expect a severe punishment as I feel this child was sticking up for himself but I also think strangling is going to another level that should not be tolerated.
I want an opinion regarding the fact that I feel I should of been told about this incident and haven’t

I agree that you should have been told about it and it’s a reasonable thing to talk to the teacher about.

I agree you should have been told, so they've dropped the ball there, but I don't agree further action should be taken (assuming this is a one off and this child doesn't go round 'strangling' other children every day?)

They lost their playtime and apologies were issued. I would hope they've had it explained how dangerous it is and never to do it again. What further action would you expect? They're 6. At that age a reaction is a reaction. Kids don't grade 'violence' like we do. Things like biting, kicking, headbutting, punching etc will always have a worse rep with adults than a hit or push, and strangling sounds especially alarming, but children are still learning about boundaries and acceptable behaviour. As long as they learn from such outbursts that it is completely unacceptable, that's all we can ask. We can't expect them to automatically know how dangerous such an act is, until it's explained to them. Further punishment for something they perhaps didn't know was dangerous would simply be punishing them for being young and naive. If it happens again, after it's been explained to them, that's different. As a first offense, I think a missed playtime and apology is sufficient at age 6.

To be honest, 'strangling' sounds horrific but, in reality, it was most likely a grab around the neck. Dangerous, inappropriate, but easily exaggerated. As the school didn't even think to tell you, I"d hope this is the case here. A minor incident in reality which sounds much worse in how it has been described to you by your 6 year old and his friend. If I had a pound for every child who claims to have been 'punched', when in reality they were hit, open palm, I'd be very rich. Not nice, but not quite how reported by a 6 year old. Their limited life experience and vocabulary often means things get lost in translation.

I would ask school for the facts but be prepared for the fact it's likely case closed as far as further action is concerned.

Ultimately, your child shouldn't be pushing kids around any more than this other kid shouldn't be putting their hands around someone's neck. Remind him of that as, although the other child's actions were wrong, he's not completely innocent here.

Yes, I agree you should have been told, if, your DS was strangled.

This isn’t the first incident with this child. He had punched him in the stomach and also punched a little girl in the face who didn’t do anything wrong to him

Yes also I have told him he was the one in the wrong and shouldn’t have done that but after incidences before he is ultimately sticking up for himself. I am the first one to say to him what did you do first

I completely agree but this isn’t the first incident we have had with this child

Had something similar recently and my son was the one who tried to pull the strangling one off the other boy who als had his head banged against the gate. When my son was pulling him off he tried with the second had to strangle my son. But in the meantime the first victim managed to get control. My son reported it to the teacher or TA but we will never know if there were any consequences taken. They won't tell of course

I have spoken to him and told him he was in the wrong for starting it and that that’s the reason this child retaliated but also this child has previously punched him in the stomach and that’s come from the teacher so I feel sometimes he’s standing up for himself. I am the first one to question what he did first as he isn’t an angel and I know what he can be like

😂

I think it is disgraceful that we are not told. They are children and there should be safeguarding in place. I am the first one to say my child is no angel but school is meant to be a safe place and with this happening and not being told is unacceptable

I was responding to your opening post. Drip feeding information isn't helpful here as people can only reply with advice on what to do based on your opening post. If other incidents have happened that does change things, but we're not mind readers and can can only initially respond to the information you originally gave us.

Be really mindful of he said, she said (especially alleged incidents which do not involve your child). You have no idea what really goes on in school, you're not there. You need full facts before you throw accusations around but it sounds to me as if you've already made your mind up on this child. By all means speak to the school about your concerns but stick to incidents regarding your child. You absolutely can't refer to anything that has apparently happened to someone else's child as that has nothing to do with you, and you can't expect to be fully informed on consequences as it's not your child, so you shouldn't be party to that. All you need to know is that it's been dealt with and what's in place to protect your child.

Again, six year olds are still learning boundaries, how to handle their emotions and what is/isn't appropriate. This child isn't some sort of monster. They're a young person who needs support, not judgement. I'm sorry to hear your child was hurt. Hopefully he'll learn from this that pushing others isn't a great idea.

I agree, in the instance of my son's school the whole thing lasted like 10 min and there was no teacher or TA on the playground that would actually observe it. Terrible.

Just to add this isn’t the first incident

I could not edit my post to say about before.
also I never got told about the incident. Yes I have made my mind up about this child from previous experience. Yes I shouldn’t go on other children’s experience but it is always the same child so there is an issue

Why would there not be someone watching? I thought someone should be there at all times? It worries me schools are like this

And if there was no staff there to witness it, how so you know it lasted 10 minutes? Were you there?

Another example of how playground incidents can be so ridiculously exaggerated. No violent outburst lasts for 10 minutes on a school playground without adult intervention!

You need to speak to his teacher and ask her to inform you about any further incidents. It sounds like the school dealt with it pretty well at the time but should have informed you what had happened.

And if there was no staff there to witness it, how so you know it lasted 10 minutes? Were you there?
As I clearly said, my son was there and was pulling the perpetrator away and he reported it. He said it was around 10 min.

The other boy fought and was put on the ground with his head banging against the gate. How much time it takes? My son noticed it and run across the playground. How much time it takes? Then they fought and the victim was strangled and as my son was pulling the perpetrator away he was also strangled then the other managed to get out and push the naughty kid away. How long is that? Then my son run to the teacher.

There were two who stated what happened.

Are you on the mission to defend all teaching staff in the country?

Oh you are the teacher. " All you need to know it was dealt with". Yeah, OP, keep quiet even if your child is persistently strangled 🤦🏼‍♀️