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Primary education

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My son got strangled by another child

42 replies

Joanna90 · 10/07/2024 21:22

My son has come home and said he got strangled by another child in his class. He openly admitted that he pushed this child first but then the child went and strangled him, another child had to get the ta on duty who told this child he would lose the rest of his play time. The child got taken in to see the teacher and he had to apologise along with my son for pushing him. They are 6. I have not been told anything by the school regarding this only because my son went to bed worrying he told me. Another parent had messaged me to ask if he was ok and her child’s story was the same as mine. What do I do? Do I go and speak to the head or the teacher? I feel I should have been told and more action should have been taken. Can I have some advice on this matter please.

OP posts:
Barnabyby · 10/07/2024 23:12

Joanna90 · 10/07/2024 21:53

This isn’t the first incident with this child. He had punched him in the stomach and also punched a little girl in the face who didn’t do anything wrong to him

So it's the second incident involving your child?

Speak to the teacher, express your concern about it continuing to happen.

To me, it was dealt with fine as a single event. If it's an ongoing issue though, then speak to the teacher.

BoleynMemories13 · 11/07/2024 06:13

Smoothie23 · 10/07/2024 22:56

And if there was no staff there to witness it, how so you know it lasted 10 minutes? Were you there?
As I clearly said, my son was there and was pulling the perpetrator away and he reported it. He said it was around 10 min.

The other boy fought and was put on the ground with his head banging against the gate. How much time it takes? My son noticed it and run across the playground. How much time it takes? Then they fought and the victim was strangled and as my son was pulling the perpetrator away he was also strangled then the other managed to get out and push the naughty kid away. How long is that? Then my son run to the teacher.

There were two who stated what happened.

Are you on the mission to defend all teaching staff in the country?

Edited

Kids have no perception of time at all! Heck even adults struggle to report the duration of a traumatic event as when something awful happens time seems to stand still and we lose all sense of time. Your son says it was 10 minutes so you automatically believe him instead of engaging common sense and thinking, hang on a minute, this doesn't sound right.

My point in both responses to you, and the OP, is that you can't always take a child's word for what happened as gospel. I'm not suggesting that anyone is lying, in either circumstances. It's just that the facts as told by a child, from their perspective, can be very different to the reality.

What you describe could have taken place in a minute before staff witnessed or were alerted and intervened. If a child was being 'strangled' for 10 minutes, they'd be dead! Common sense alone should be enough to tell you that's not quite right.

Yes I am a teacher and therefore I know that no incident would have persisted for 10 minutes, to that level of reported violence, without adult intervention in a school playground. Despite what Mumsnet would have you believe, playgrounds are supervised. If staff hadn't witnessed something like this themselves straight away, and had to be alerted, the likely explanation is that they were already dealing with something else such as first aid or another behaviour incident. It won't be because there was nobody out there supervising!

As I said to the OP, terms like 'strangled' can be misinterpreted by children. My point has always been, parents need to check the facts with school rather than simply taking their child's word for it on everything. By nature, a young child's account of an event can be unreliable. Again, not because they are lying. Their perception can often be different to the reality, that's all.

I'm just trying to add some common sense, among the hysteria.

BoleynMemories13 · 11/07/2024 06:28

Smoothie23 · 10/07/2024 23:00

Oh you are the teacher. " All you need to know it was dealt with". Yeah, OP, keep quiet even if your child is persistently strangled 🤦🏼‍♀️

Who has told OP to keep quiet? They've been advised to check the facts with the school. That's the opposite of keeping quiet!

The school will not be able to disclose exact consequences to them, as it's not their child receiving them. All they'll be able to share is that it has been dealt with (or is being investigated and will be dealt with). Quite what issue do you have with that?

Also, where does it say the child has been persistently strangled'? OP originally described a one off 'strangling' incident, before then adding that this child has hurt her child once before, via different means, and they've heard on the grapevine that this child has hurt other children too in other ways. I don't see any mention of repeated 'strangling' so stop exaggerating.

School will likely be on it already if this child is repeatedly struggling to regulate their emotions. If they're not, OP needs to draw their attention to it to ensure they're fully aware of what this child is doing. Not all children report everything, some things can unfortunately be missed until parents query it with school. Once school have a bigger picture, they'll be able to put things in place to support all the children involved.

Yes I do like to advocate for schools and teachers on here, as so many on here are so anti them. Different perspectives are important in any discussion. Luckily, some on here do appreciate a teacher's perspective, so I'll keep giving it.

ParaParaParaphrase · 11/07/2024 07:12

How on earth do you know what punishment the child received?

You know what your child perceived was the only punishment but have no idea what other consequences there were.

If you don’t trust the school then take your child out and find one you do trust. It’s going to be a long school journey for you otherwise.

It’s not acceptable for your child to be hurt but children are at school to learn. Not just academics but how to function in society. Things like this do happen. If you don’t trust the school then do them a favour and find a place you do trust.

Parents seem to want things like this to be solved by a good old public flogging.

Smoothie23 · 11/07/2024 07:37

Luckily, some on here do appreciate a teacher's perspective, so I'll keep giving it.

By accusing of exaggeration, questioning minutes of incident as if you were there.... Eh...teachers

dollopz · 12/07/2024 01:50

From a safeguarding point of view strangling has massive red flags. It’s potentially very serious.

Hihosilver123 · 19/07/2024 17:49

dollopz · 10/07/2024 21:29

Check your son’s neck for bruising or red marks. Photograph if necessary. Speak to the safeguarding lead at school. Ask what will happen to prevent a repeat and improve communication as you should have been told immediately. Explain that strangling is a precursor to more serious dangerous behaviours. Contact the NSPCC if unhappy or there’s a repeat.

🙄

umar123 · 21/07/2024 12:22

HcbSS · 10/07/2024 21:36

Both need to keep their hands to themselves.

Hands are for writing, eating, drawing, doing sport and throwing shapes, not for hurting each other!

Lol. Exactly. 100% agree

Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies · 21/07/2024 12:30

I once had a parent come in to school to complain about X. He’d been kicking and hitting their dc for the last week, and we hadn’t noticed. I double checked what had happened with their child. The hitting and kicking was confirmed. I asked if this had definitely been over the last week. Yes, absolutely…

…Which was strange as X hadn’t been in school last week.

Children lie. Children respond to their parents’ leading questions. And children tell the truth. You’d need to be Solomon to work out what has actually happened every time.

umar123 · 21/07/2024 12:33

We need to teach these children to behave and play sensibly instead of beefing

Spirallingdownwards · 21/07/2024 12:38

What punishment did your son receive out of interest?

You have a vague idea that the other lost the rest of playtime but what punishment did your son get seeing as though you acknowledge that on this occasion he started the physical aspect of the incident.

It may well be that hr has some form of punishment or plan you aren't aware of and indeed aren't entitled to be aware of.

Yes I agree that you should have been told about the incident but I disagree that you are entitled to know about the repercussions for the other boy.

Ask why you weren't informed and what plan is there to prevent a reoccurrence? Don't focus on what punishment he got as that isn't for you to be involved in.

umar123 · 21/07/2024 12:54

Smoothie23 · 10/07/2024 22:08

I agree, in the instance of my son's school the whole thing lasted like 10 min and there was no teacher or TA on the playground that would actually observe it. Terrible.

Schools normally have midday assistants/supervisors in the playground

Morherof3 · 14/03/2025 04:01

If your child has marks then you may have a point. If they don’t then ….get over yourself ?They are 6 they are not going to be a murderer cos they put their hands on a child that hit them ? really ? Come on

Morherof3 · 14/03/2025 04:03

At6 in reaction to being hit ? Interesting 🤨

Morherof3 · 14/03/2025 04:07

I’m bitterly disappointed that some of the responses here ahow the immaturity of some mothers. They are children and what one child classes straggling ( to be honest most 6 year should never have heard that word ) is another story altogether, and the reason why school has choose not to share it speaks volumes probably because they don’t want a revolt in the classroom and after school with all the busybody immature mothered looking into something that probably didn’t happen the way it’s written on paper 🙂‍↔️😕🤨

Hihosilver123 · 15/03/2025 13:10

dollopz · 10/07/2024 21:29

Check your son’s neck for bruising or red marks. Photograph if necessary. Speak to the safeguarding lead at school. Ask what will happen to prevent a repeat and improve communication as you should have been told immediately. Explain that strangling is a precursor to more serious dangerous behaviours. Contact the NSPCC if unhappy or there’s a repeat.

No, you don’t need to contact the NSPCC 🙄

Yes, school should’ve told you so that was a slip up. You could just ask what the system is. Beyond that, I don’t think you need to do anything further. Children do get physical sometimes but the school will presumably be using this as a teaching point, and ensuring there are consequences appropriate to their young age.

Motnight · 15/03/2025 13:12

Hihosilver123 · 15/03/2025 13:10

No, you don’t need to contact the NSPCC 🙄

Yes, school should’ve told you so that was a slip up. You could just ask what the system is. Beyond that, I don’t think you need to do anything further. Children do get physical sometimes but the school will presumably be using this as a teaching point, and ensuring there are consequences appropriate to their young age.

After 8 months this has probably been resolved one way or another

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