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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Situation with the head teacher - what woudl you advise?

51 replies

lisalisa · 10/04/2008 22:28

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

stuffitllama · 10/04/2008 22:29

That's appalling.

I am thinking.

CarGirl · 10/04/2008 22:30

State or private?

if it's based on test results then it is utterly flawed it should be on effort and improvement.

It's just awful, awful, awful.

I wonder if the party thing was to make sure her own dd was always included!

edam · 10/04/2008 22:31

Ooh, that's tricky. Sounds outrageous and I would be furious too. But no idea on tactics.

Anyway, however you tackle it, do take your dd out for a treat to make up for the miserable way she's been treated.

stuffitllama · 10/04/2008 22:31

First of all you must do it quickly, tomorrow morning. Don't accept any fobbing off, make her realise how urgent it is. Sit and wait if necessary.

stuffitllama · 10/04/2008 22:33

I would focus on the issue of favouritism. Stress her own declared opposition to favouritism, and ask her to explain how this treat doesn't look like favouritism to a child. Say that you are sure you don't need to explain to a head how damaging this is to a child's self-esteem and motivation. Tell her the scale of the reward is far out of kilter with the achievements of the children (which it is).

Original poster

lisalisa · 10/04/2008 22:34

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stuffitllama · 10/04/2008 22:34

By the way I am quite stroppy so please bear that in mind!

stuffitllama · 10/04/2008 22:35

She takes out parental complaints on the children?

stuffitllama · 10/04/2008 22:36

It's pretty awful. There are much more appropriate rewards. I can see that "tea with the headmistress" could be a treat for the "girl of the week" but this is too much. Excluding two girls only is unkind to say the least.

CarGirl · 10/04/2008 22:37

Does it have a waiting list or are they struggling to get enough children to keep going????

I would come from the angle that one of the reasons why you chose & still choose the school is because of their attitude to favourtism and bullying (being excluded is a form of bullying hence the party thing) and it seems in direct contrast to the schools ethos on it. As your dd is not one of the more academically achieving she never stood a chance of earning enough and the girls are so stressed out about it that there has been photocopying of money going on and was the head aware of this?

ShinyPinkShoes · 10/04/2008 22:38

It's exclusion- and that's the approach Iwould take.

Original poster

lisalisa · 10/04/2008 22:38

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stuffitllama · 10/04/2008 22:39

Cargirl's approach is much more tactful and likely to minimise aggro. I'll be orf with my tub-thumping. But good luck lisa and hope you manage it.

3littlefrogs · 10/04/2008 22:39

If it is private I would take your child and your money elsewhere. The head sounds like a nutcase.

stuffitllama · 10/04/2008 22:40

x-posted sorry ..
But I like the idea about reporting the photocopying of money. And perhaps not quite so tub-thumpy as I would be, as she sounds rather vindictive.

BBBee · 10/04/2008 22:41

flatter:

"I think it is so wonderful that you have this scheme to motivate the children and it sounds really exciting"

explain:

"I am just a little concerned about X's self esteem, she has worked quite hard to get consist marks.."

modesty:

"I know that some people are able to score wonderful marks but x is more of a mid range achiever and has to work quite hard to stay there."

flatter:

"but the teaching has really worked for her this term and although it may not show in her marks she has worked hard. It is a credit to the teaching really - the amount of thought and effort that goes into these things - as parents we really appreicate it."

explain:

"I was wondering if there was any way she could earn some extra money - she takes school very seriously and really is commited to these schemes but I know that it would be a vital piece of motivation for her."

All that kind of bollocks.

See it as a game - jump through hoops to try and get what you want.

Original poster

lisalisa · 10/04/2008 22:41

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stuffitllama · 10/04/2008 22:41

In fact she sounds like she's on a power jag.

Freckle · 10/04/2008 22:42

The Head dictates whom girls can invite to their parties?? Outrageous. I hope you don't take any notice of that.

The scheme sounds dreadful. If some girls can cheat by photocopying money, it shows that she is easily fooled or is prepared to ignore cheating. I would certainly tackle her on the fairness aspect.

Original poster

lisalisa · 10/04/2008 22:44

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CarGirl · 10/04/2008 22:46

let's face it if the photocopying hadn't happened there would be 5 girls going on the treat and 4 not, which would be easier for the non goers to handle!!!

stuffitllama · 10/04/2008 22:46

Lisa ..even if you can't get an appointment you must go. She will know what you want to talk about and may avoid you. Can you just turn up. Or can your dp/dh go?

Original poster

lisalisa · 10/04/2008 22:47

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Original poster

lisalisa · 10/04/2008 22:48

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stuffitllama · 10/04/2008 22:52

If you can be calm and in control, and not get upset and angry or weepy, I would confront it head on, direct gaze, pen and notebook in hand. Otherwise I would write it in a very stiff letter and give it to her, by hand, and tell you will need an appointment on Monday or you will -go-- to the trustees.

Ok maybe not that far. But she must know her policy is vulnerable to challenge and you can capitalise on that.

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