PSHE Sex Ed Advice

[Loveplums88]

Hi - I have 3 daughters my eldest being in Year 4 (age 9) at an academy primary school. I am a mum who is open and talks to my daughters about body parts, women things, growing up etc. A month ago we received from the school PSE lesson plan which entailed what would be covered in this term which detailed - having a baby, girls & puberty.

I’ve collected my daughter from school this afternoon to be met with the conversation she had learned about sex in lesson today, when asked what sex was she replied ‘when a man puts his ps in a girls v*a hole - they are naked when they do this’. To me, the norm to start learning about intercourse at school is usually year 6+. I had phoned the receptionist on our way home to discuss this and was met with ‘The letter said the topics covered are having a baby and girls and puberty. So discussing sex ties in with having a baby.’ Which I feel it was not clarified clear enough and this is an unjustified excuse - something like this should have been clearly stated to parents to make an informed decision to either withdraw from the lesson or have the opportunity to discuss with our kids beforehand.

Please can I gather personal opinions/experiences? They were told to not discuss this with siblings however of course my daughter has now spoken about this in front of my 6 and 3 year old.

Is this highly inappropriate or am I just completely out of touch?

What do you think is going to happen because your daughter knows that babies are made through sex and what that entails?

Because the only thing that studies show is that children are less likely to be abused and more likely to speak up if they are, if they know what sex is.

I think they should have clarified this matter. Personally, I think I would prefer to have this conversation with my child prior to the school lesson so that they are free to ask questions etc. with me in a safe environment first.

They are also more likely to have sex earlier - which we have seen as a society.

It’s done in a factual way and you can’t undo the knowledge she has now.

Making babies is fact.

What did you think they were going to talk about?

You could’ve call the school and asked for copies of the material if you wanted to.

I think you are quite out of touch..
I'd say most 9yo would already know this and so it's important to teach them the actual facts and allow them to ask questions rather than just leave them to whatever ideas they have and gossip/rumour.

I have a 9yo and a 6yo and they both know the basics of what sex is and how it can result in pregnancy.
You do children no favours by not giving them this information.
It's very important in protecting them from exploitation and abuse.
Kids today tend to hit puberty earlier than in the past and so will need this info earlier too.

The material was provided to us, as I stated in my post. The above was NOT included anywhere in the information given - it was a video of what happens from the egg being fertilised onwards. After speaking to other parents with children in year 5 at the same school they have confirmed that there child has not learnt this in PSE. We have talks at home regularly about boundaries, private parts and what is not acceptable.

My concern is that at this age with children being curious it plants the idea that things can be inserted into their bodies. I thought that schools had a duty to address sex ed age appropriately and while I have zero concerns with them learning body parts, periods, how the body changes through puberty etc to discuss the above with out informing parents this was going ahead and the explanation they were given seems absolutely shocking.

I am shocked you haven't explained basic biology to your 9 year old. Children don't have the adult issues about human reproduction and it is science.

Generally most parents educate their children before puberty which can be from 8+.

They are aware of everything, believe me as a victim of SA I am VERY open with them to ensure they are informed what is right and wrong. However the only discussion that I have not had with them is how to have sex - do they really need to know that before 9?!

Yes, sadly as a fellow SA victim knowledge is power.

My pair were pretty much aware from age 6, as I trawled through mountains of research thar showed knowledge protected them from abuse as they knew it was for adults only.

Sex is very boring to younger children, it becomes a knowledge they don't specifically recall gaining and without any shame, feeling of it being inappropriate etc.

Why would you leave the basic mechanics of having sex out of the information you gave them about their bodies? Do you not see that that would just cause confusion and fear? And leave them open to abuse because they aren't entirely sure what sex is so how could they know if they were doing it or having it done to them etc??
You don't create sexuality in children by explaining to them about sex. In fact they develop sexuality gradually anyway regardless of whether they are actually given information or not... only they wouldn't have the language to describe it or understand it properly.. so keeping them in the dark about the exact facts doesn't prevent anything... in fact it leaves them at risk, and in confusion.

Thanks for your reply I appreciate your reply - just wished intercourse would have been mentioned in the lesson plan we were given so I could properly educate her… the way the class had been told was not ideal, a child asked to leave as she felt uncomfortable but the teacher refused.

You should have been informed in Ireland it is on the curriculum so accessible by all.

Take a breath, your daughter will be okay, it sadly is you who has been sideswiped.

I know when the worst happens we all can go to in different directions to cope.

I remember the scary crazy days of when my son was too old to go to the ladies and having to stand at the mens toilet door shouting in was he okay, hoping that would put off any predators. I swear I was close to being ready to physically tear any man who looked at him🤦‍♀️.

When the world has exposed the horrors of humans we question every single decision we make. Mind yourself she will be fine,💐

How did you explain how a baby is made without explaining sex?

My 6 year old asked me recently so I explained about daddy giving a special seed called sperm etc.... her first question... How does daddy do that? Kids aren't stupid, they are curious.

She accepted it, we moved on.
Don't make sex taboo.

Don’t make it into a big deal OP. Kids are curious and it’s just facts. My DS asked how babies were made when he was 4 and his friend’s mum was pregnant. I gave him a basic explanation about the mummy having an egg and the daddy having a seed but it wasn’t enough, he wanted to know exactly how the seed gets into the mummy’s tummy! So I told him - he thought it was hilarious and then promptly forgot all about it as he asked again about a year later. Each time he’s asked we’ve just reminded him of the basic facts.

I would suggest you get your daughter an age appropriate book to help answer any questions - I’ve heard Mummy Laid an Egg recommended a lot for this age group?

I personally, am horrified at some of these responses. The problem with this modern day world is that people are expecting children to grow up far earlier than they should. I am 29 and I'm a mum to a 9 year old girl and 3 year old boy. My little girl is obsessed with her imagination/horses/making dens/barbies all kinds and was allowed to participate in sex education 2 years ago. She come out with questions that were answered by me openly as we are extremely close but was also met with saying she didn't want to have lessons like that anymore. It really depends on the child, their maturity and whether they actually need to know that a mans and woman's parts make a baby. In time they will get to know it FROM ME and I do understand that some children grow up without parents or guardians who would be willing to be so open, so for them, it makes sense. However teaching children younger than 9 about sex isn't, in my opinion, necessary. Let children be children and in time they will learn about, hear about it and absolutely understand it. I find it ridiculous how people have the audacity to say anyone who stops their children having these lessons are opening them up to abuse in the future, maybe childhood trauma or instability growing up would have more chance of that? I know my daughter better than anyone and innocence plays a huge part in the beautiful person she is, innocence that I know won't last for much longer so let them be children for the small time they're allowed to be. Jesus Christ

I have been told it's easier to I teach younger kids as they just accept it as fact rather han getting all embarrassed. Year 6 is quite old to be heading this for the first time. Most parents I know had all the age appropriate books to explain growing up/ reproduction from year 4.

I’d have been more surprised if your daughter didn’t already know this at 9? All mine certainly did, and not through exposure to “inappropriate” materials of any kind, simply through normal age appropriate conversations. Youngest is 7 and he’s had some concept of it for a good while as friends of ours dog was expecting a litter of puppies and it naturally came up that way.
I don’t think it’s inappropriate. Body parts aren’t inappropriate. The correct names for body parts and understanding their primary functions is also fine.

I really don’t understand this as a concept… what makes your child less “innocent” simply by virtue of them knowing how babies are conceived?
Are children raised in farming families, who know about how animals are conceived from an early age less innocent than their peers?
This kind of reads like some kind of purity test in a sense. A child is no less a child because they understand biological functions?

In the nicest possible way, you have no idea how it was delivered to the class at all. Why would you need to tell your child before a teacher does? This makes it all seem a very taboo subject which is the opposite of how it should be introduced. They watched a video of fertilization - this is what they watch in science in year 5 as part of the curriculum. It’s biology.
i appreciate your own experience may have made this talk more meaningful, but it’s really quite common in schools. If you called on your way home I assume your child also heard?

I think you need to calm down a little bit tbh and maybe accept the fact people can have different opinions on how their children are raised. My daughter has recently started a private school and they haven't once touched on the subject of sex education until they're at least in year 5... not year 1 like state schools. If you're ok with your child learning about it then well done to you, but people are allowed other opinions.

How did you expect them to cover 'having a baby'? Stork? To me, it would have been obvious from that letter that a simple biological explanation would have been presented. Many parents would have already shared this information with their children beforehand. Maybe it was an oversight not to, on your part, and your now annoyed that school got there first? Children are naturally curious. Knowing a biological fact does not take away innocence. Knowledge is power.

Leaving out the part about how the baby came to be in the first place would only leave the children with more questions. Simply stating it as fact, before moving on, satisfied the curiosity without making it feel taboo. Let's face it, children are naturally drawn into anything which is presented as taboo. They have a burning need to find out more (and may end up finding their answers from inappropriate sources). Simply stating it, before moving on, is the best approach. Young children are really not interested in sex, when presented to them as a normal, healthy bodily function performed by adults who consent to it. At that age, they're usually far more interested in the next part, the baby itself.

This thread is nearly a year old 🧟🧟🧟🧟

Hi everyone, since this thread has gained traction again, I wanted to provide an update.
This incident occurred at the end of the school day on Friday, which didn’t give me much time to clarify with the school exactly what had been covered so I could address my daughter’s questions at home. On Monday, the deputy head invited me in for a conversation. During our meeting, he acknowledged that the discussion of intercourse and contraceptives should not have taken place, as the school’s own guidelines state these topics are only to be covered at the end of Years 5 and 6. He explained that parents are usually invited to preview the lesson plan in advance to make an informed decision, and he offered a sincere apology for the oversight.
To those who pointed out that I didn’t fully know how the lesson went—this was part of the reason I found the situation so upsetting and yes this is a conversation I would have preferred to have before hand with my own children as they will feel more comfortable to ask questions to me instead of around her peers. And to those asking what harm could come from children learning about these topics early: there have been several incidents of children in her class being suspended due to sexualised behaviour in the playground and school toilets since this lesson which has lead to a class meeting with parents to tackle the issue. As many of you have rightly said, kids are naturally curious. In my opinion, though, this content was introduced too early.

Thanks again to everyone who shared their insights—it’s been valuable reading through your perspectives however as parents I think we can all agree if something doesn’t feel right, question it and raise your concerns!

I genuinely couldn't agree more! This is the whole point to my post though and we should be allowed to have an opinion on our own children without the sex education police throwing themselves at us. My issue is, 2 years ago in my daughters previous primary school I was able to sit down with the teacher and look through all the slide shows that were being showed to each year group, I was horrified. I then got told 'we can opt your daughter out of it but don't tell anyone that youve seen the slides because we'll have more on our hands that want to opt out' if that's not a red flag I'm not sure what is. The school only gave us a very small amount of info on what's being taught to our children and I think it's wrong. Like I said previously, my daughter has just started a private school and they dont allow anything like that to be taught until year 5, which in my opinion is when children should be slowly introduced to it.

And not to be rude but a stork?!? I don't think you were told during class by your teacher how babies are made you heard it from friends most likely and got on with your day. Did us no harm 👍🏻