Need advice based on a comment a teacher made to my 5 year old

[Bec1998]

My daughter is under assessment for ADHD and was not allowed to go to an activity due to her saying duck duck goose was stupid and not wanting to play ( she is in reception) so she was left with a teaching assistant and another child. My daughter told me that when leaving the classroom the teacher said to the other child “shall we just leave her here?” The child responded with no so she went with them. I don’t know what to think of this but It’s made me feel so angry and sad that an adult has made a comment like this not only to another 5 year old, but about my 5 year old. Is it just me that thinks this is so inappropriate for an adult to be talking like this in a primary school? She already got her consequences which I don’t dispute but the comment is just like ???? In my head and my daughter said it made her really sad.

I went back to the school to discuss it with the teachers and said teaching assistant but they had all gone home. I want to make a complaint because I just think it’s really nasty, has any other mums been in any similar situations? Thank you in advance

It is hard but I'm from the time when we got hit by teachers!

I personally would not make a big deal out of this but would monitor the situation going forward.

Storm in a teacup! Move on.

You haven't spoken to an adult about this.

Please do this before even thinking about complaining.

You've no idea what was actually said or meant. 5 year olds are not the best at understanding or remembering accurately.

Leave it. Your child was in a mood, she was being rude about the game being played, and the comment was clearly not serious. You will look silly if you make a big deal of it.

Not a big deal. Leave it.

Please don't go complaining to school over a comment overheard and retold by a 5 year old 🙄 They are notoriously unreliable, either at interpreting comments/context or remembering them accurately. You've no idea what that interaction actually was, and I would be extremely hesitant to react based solely on that. It could very easily have been misinterpreted.
Maybe the teacher/TA had been discussing going elsewhere with the children like the library or a different classroom but for some reason there was a complexity.
"Shall we just leave her here then?" Would be an entirely innocent response to that.
It astounds me how quick parents can be to complain to a school over a 5 year olds account of a situation 🙄

Jesus Christ. It's no wonder no one wants to be a teacher nowadays.

It's not appropriate to make a complaint before you've even spoken to the class teacher. You have a 5 year old's description of what happened - you need to ask the class teacher to describe what happened when they left with the other children to go to the activity.

Just ask to speak to the class teacher, after school if they normally do that, or ask for a specific appointment with them if not. Try not to go in all guns blazing, just ask what happened from their point of view. Then just explain that your DD was left feeling sad and confused, or however you want to describe it, and ask for ways that they can work with your DD around transitions between activities. Don't make the teacher your enemy straight off the bat!

it isn't clear from your description whether your DD actually took part in the activity or stayed in the classroom?

For context: this comment was made after the duck duck goose game. The rest of the class got to go to a different activity but my daughter and another child was left behind. The other child was doing an activity with the teaching assistant and the comment was made after they had finished the activity and was leaving the room. So obviously a teacher is not going to leave a 5 year old in a classroom unsupervised on their own, so why would a teaching assistant who is supposed to act professional make a comment like that after the situation was over with. And they’re dealing with 5 year olds not 16 year olds.

You only have a 5 year olds word, don’t be ridiculous

Were you in the room to witness all this?

Is it the class teacher or the TA who made the comment?

It is the kind of comment that could easily be misconstrued depending on context and tone. I guess that you feel that it was a spiteful mean comment, that the teacher/TA was genuinely suggesting leaving your child on her own? Or that she deserved to be left on her own?

Op I have two young children who I would obviously defend to the ends of the earth. But I’ve also worked in schools, small children are not reliable narrators, they misinterpret, misunderstand and often get things confused as they relay information.

Speak to your child’s school, but I’d take a beat and cool off first. Maybe they did step out of turn, but equally your 5 year old could have the wrong end of the stick. A complaint will benefit no one right now.

This. It sounds to me like it was said as a joke.

You are acting like your DD was sweetly following them out the room and the TA was trying to bully her out of nowhere.

It's the kind of comment someone makes in a light-hearted way when a child isn't coming or doing as they're asked.

Have you never used lines like "okay, bye then, see you later," when a young child is refusing to leave the park. Plenty of people do, are you on the phone to ss to report neglect?

Add context, think a little bit and you won't look so silly

I was going to say this, it sounds to me as if OPs child might have been whinging and non compliant and in order to chivvy her along, TA might have said to the other child 'oh shall we leave her here then', this usually makes kids think twice about missing out on something.

Thats if it was said at all directed at her in that way

You are going to have a long and difficult road ahead with school if you are making a big deal about this.🙄

You are being absolutely ridiculous.

You were not there!! Seriously our job is hard enough. "My 5 year old said you said bla bla bla..." 🙄

I can see this going like: other child is pulling TA's hand to leave the room, TA says " shall we just leave her here then?" to remind the child your daughter was there, knowing the child will say "no!"

Then they all left. The end.

Mountain out of a molehill much?

(As an aside isn't five a bit young to be assessed for ADHD? One of mine would have met the criteria then easily (I have it) but would not now.)

The joys of bring a teacher 🙄

Perhaps she should stop saying that the activities on offer are ‘stupid’. Nobody asked for her opinion.

I teach. Is it not meant like..

When I have my 5yo's refusing to move to the hall for their dinner (believe me happens) and I say "shall I just leave you here then?" And they look at me and consider the prospect and then come to me and on we go to dinner like nothing happened?!

Reverse psychology etc?

If you are going to complain you need to follow the complaints policy which would start with talking to the teacher (which I would do without making it a formal complaint)