Need advice based on a comment a teacher made to my 5 year old

[Bec1998]

My daughter is under assessment for ADHD and was not allowed to go to an activity due to her saying duck duck goose was stupid and not wanting to play ( she is in reception) so she was left with a teaching assistant and another child. My daughter told me that when leaving the classroom the teacher said to the other child “shall we just leave her here?” The child responded with no so she went with them. I don’t know what to think of this but It’s made me feel so angry and sad that an adult has made a comment like this not only to another 5 year old, but about my 5 year old. Is it just me that thinks this is so inappropriate for an adult to be talking like this in a primary school? She already got her consequences which I don’t dispute but the comment is just like ???? In my head and my daughter said it made her really sad.

This is a very silly comment to make about a child with ADHD. I would love it if my DD could just control her emotions but ADHD doesn't allow kids to just stop doing things.

I have 2 small boys. When one of them aren't wanting to go where ive asked them to go, I'll often say to the other 'shall we just leave him here then?'. Its tongue in cheek silly nonsense. I'd not hesitate to say that to another child. I'd not let it worry you.

This.

I honestly cannot stand Mumsnet sometimes!! The comments on here baffle me. You post something with a hope of support and you get bashed and called ridiculous over something that has perfect right to offend you.
I personally wouldn't be happy about this comment made by a teacher, no it's not the end of the world, of course, but it's not nice to hear that somebody has spoken to your child in this way.
Yes you CAN take a 5 year olds word for it.
Would all of you say the same if a 5 year old alleged they had been touched inappropriately?? Or would you simply just "not take a 5 year olds word for it" ??
I would speak to the teacher concerned about this first and then from there decide whether you want to put it to rest or make a formal complaint.
I apologise on behalf of these comments making you out to be overreacting. Your feelings are absolutely valid, it's your child 🩷

Find out what actually happened and what was said first.

Please don't embarrass yourself by going into school and relaying what your 5 year old has said. Unless you've worked in a class full of 5 year olds you'll know how easy they misinterpret things

Honestly the year is nearly over , let this go. If your child has adhd you are going to need to develop a thicker skin than this and learn to pick your battles.

Yes you CAN take a 5 year olds word for it.

You think? I once had an irate mum come into.the classroom because her child had told her the TA had locked her in the outdoor equipment cupboard. I showed her the cupboard - it had no door and was really just a bay off the room. The child admitted she made it up. It was pure fantasy, maybe a dream. I could give other similar examples.

I don't mean you shouldn't believe anything they say just hold fire for a bit. In the case of the OP I think it was a question of nuance and its just the sort of thing people say in a jokey way.

You have an amazing 5 year old! One who can repeat a conversation between two people with the correct nuance and context!
If it was said at all it will have been said in a jokey way.
It's such a small thing so when you go in to try and find out what really happened, don't be surprised if no one remembers it.

and who told you about this conversation... i assume it was the 5 year old? ofcourse it was, and 5 year olds never ever tell stories or make things up ever!

But back to my point of - you can believe a 5 year old.
At what point do you draw the line here ?

5 year old tells me a comment teacher has made to her that caused upset - "she's probably making it up, she's 5"
5 year old tells me somebody touched her inappropriately - "she's probably making it up, she's 5"

I don't think so.
All areas need to be covered here.

It should be "we will speak to the teacher and get to the bottom of this"

I'd wonder if the teacher and ta had met 5yos if they ban them for an activity for declaring a game stupid 😂

They are 5. They do t like everything. They often quite happily share their feelings. It's hardly crime if the century.

But with regards the second part I'd leave it and monitor because you not have the 5yo version if it.

You want to make a complaint? Don't be ridiculous. Good luck with the rest of her schooling if you think a small thing like this is worth getting worked up about.

A formal complaint?!!! Don't be ridiculous!

@indianwoman I'm not saying I would personally choose to do this, nor am I suggesting the OP should.
I am saying I would first talk to the teacher to get to the bottom of the situation, then if she feels like she can put it to bed, brilliant. If not she can decide what route to take.

Why is it ridiculous to want to stick up for your child when you feel like they've had an unfair comment made against them?

Agree this is not a big deal and I really don't know why you're so ott irrate about it.

Exactly. Parents need to understand their role.

Reason eleventy billion to get out of teaching

Sorry, but if you had any common sense you would obviously take the touching comment more seriously than the other. There is a huge difference between a jokey comment and a child claiming they've been touched inappropriately.

I'm sorry, but ADHD does not give a child the excuse to be rude and disrespectful. Would they be treated differently in the workplace if they said something like this to their boss? Probably not. Children with ADHD may certainly find it harder than others to control their emotions, but they still need to learn to do it.

Do you think teachers believe everything children say about their parents?!
Please don't automatically take your child's word as gospel and we shall do the same. Talk to the adults.

@Barnabyby well not really when you're going by the logic that 5 year olds cannot be trusted on what they say.
I have a 5 year old, and if she came home saying the teacher had said something that appeared to have upset her, I would speak to the teacher about it !

This.

But also most of what the overwhelming majority of posters have said in their responses.

I was just about to write the same thing.

You are being completely OTT about this OP. Just leave things alone. As several posters have already said, 5 year old children are not the most reliable, and even if correct it sounds like it was a harmless joke, the sort of thing said to recalcitrant children since the beginning of time.

Teachers and TAs have all my sympathy, especially when they have to deal with parents like you.

I'm a teacher and also a parent!

I've been teaching a long time now and I cannot wait to retire.

Just. Ridiculous

I never believed a word that came out of my children's mouths!