Youngest in the year - reception

[yaboreme]

Hi,

I was just looking to see how things are/ turned out for any of you that had summer born children who started school at 4.

My son was 4 in August and I'm really worried that I made the wrong decision to send him to reception after only turning 4, 2 weeks prior to the start of the school year.

He's emotionally a little behind and is a little behind his peers with reading, writing etc but I have been assured that he knows the concept of simple math and is very enthusiastic to learn.

My concern is that he may have benefited from an additional year to be 5 when he started to be of a more similar age to his peers.

Am I worrying about nothing? Or should I enquire about resitting reception (if that's another option).

Hopefully this makes sense.

Thank you

I’m baffled how you can just ignore actual science. Do you think the policy was created for fun? Do you think people have spent years researching for no reason? It is VERY clear now summer born children cope. Absolutely great you think your two August born children coped fine but that doesn’t mean the research is fake.

I have a summer born who is currently in reception and has done well. If my child had struggled, I would look at the summer born Facebook group to see what my rights were. Then I’d speak to the school about my concerns and possibly repeating the year.

I can easily see how some children may have issues with confidence even if they catch up later. I don’t begrudge those who decide to start their children a year later. It was a leap of faith for us to start at 4 and we are lucky that it has turned out okay.

We are the same as you
we went for it at 4
she was so bored at preschool and it was a very noisy chaotic environment and she actually didn't seem to enjoy it
whereas school she adores and she is thriving academically and enjoys it socially
however I also do rainbows which is 4-7 age group and do several groups (so total 40 girls) and I can say you can tell a reception child from a year 1 child 100% maturity/listening skills and such wise and I can tell emotionally (confidence, self awareness and emotional control ) between a 4 and 5 year old in the same academic year I also find in rainbows (which is obviously at like 4-5 ish after school) that the just 4 do seem to get very tired compared to the 5year olds even in the same class / school (and accounting for those who do wraparound care etc )

I think people shouldn't stress over it as you can thrive going at just 4 and you can't ever really have a crystal ball either but I also don't think we should dismiss the issue as nothing but paranoia if a parent decides a younger children needs more support or longer to adjust or even shock horror repeating a year or deferring a place

A great measured post for this thread.

@starlight889 - I mever claimed that the research was was "fake" so please don't put words in my mouth.

I worked in education for many years and was well aware of the research around summer borns. I am also a parent who knows my children best and have been proved right by letting them start at 4yrs old with their peers from pre school.

Parents are best placed to judge whether their child is ready for school but you seem to think that those of us who didn't defer don't have our children's best interests at heart.

Sorry had to edit previous post.

@Havingashittyarthritisday
How have you been proved right by letting them start at 4? You have nothing to compare it to.
Perhaps they'd be doing even more amazingly if they'd stated a year later.
We are practically one of the only countries where children start school so young. Also very normal for a parent to decide to defer in many countries such as Australia and Scotland.

@Grasshopper7 - they would be amazing to me whatever they did.

And no, no parent can say what would have happened if they had done x instead of y because children are not part of an experiment.

I don't know why you are so concerned about whether I have been proved right or not. I am giving my experience which is as valid as anyone else who has summer born children.

@Havingashittyarthritisday

You stated that you've been proved right. Of course your experience is valid but so is the copious research which shows that summer-born children are at a disadvantage. This research has been proven and is scientific evidence.

I’m not sure parents ARE best placed to make the decision, or anyone else for that matters! It’s hard to tell unless the child is an extreme one way or another. As my child was in a cohort his own age at nursery it was a shock going to school and being the only summer born. Suddenly he stood out in a way he hadn’t before. Add to that he is an only and I’m not around kids much and it wasn’t obvious to me when applying. Throw in the council statement of children being educated in their year group and that’s how we ended up where we are. We will make the best of it and be proud of him for who he is but evidence is there as pp say that summer born fair less well than autumn throughout life. We could have done without the farce that was covid as well - i think I’m angrier about the every man and his dog claiming a need to be in school when my child was excluded to the bitter end and the lie that was ‘children wont be impacted by the absence as they are resilient/baking cupcakes (etc) is all the learning they need’ than I am about the council’s hardline view in my area to teach in age appropriate year groups.

Looking at Mumsnet you would think that deferring summer borns is almost a given/at least very seriously considered in all cases.

In real life we only know one deferred summer born out of about 30 kids we have known with summer birthdays, and she has hearing loss, was delayed as a result. We never considered it for our August born.

One real issue that I can see happening with it is that in an already full and stretched reception class of 30 with an already wide range of ability and need, you could end up with an age range of 15 months and some summer borns in their correct cohort could lose out on attention and assistance to much older kids whose parents are demanding that they are 'challenged' and 'stretched'. Reception learning is so basic, I can't imagine a 5.2 year old who has already had 2 years at preschool would have anything at all left to learn. Even Y1 at our school is heavily play based, with tables only being introduced in Y2.

But each to their own, I would never judge someone for making a decision for their own kids.

Really feel for you on this level - our DS missed a lot of his school nursery year due to lockdown so started Reception virtually fresh out of the 'little' nursery. I did think that these kids should have been prioritised slightly when phasing back into school but it is what it is. Ours has caught up really nicely and is working at greater depth with reading and writing.

It’s so great that your children have done well in spite of being summer born; there are many who do, especially girls. I notice many for whom this isn’t a concern can be extremely judgemental of those who did decide to take the decision. Everyone knows their child best and some will be more bothered by the research into this area than others. As long as you and your kids are happy, there’s no need to spread misinformation or cast judgement on others (not suggesting you are one of those who have, but just as a generalisation to those who have commented ignorant things)

Interesting that you feel attacked.

you don’t seem to understand that the decision to start a child at compulsory school age does not mean a parent ‘doesn’t have faith in their child’ or that it means a child isn’t well adjusted.

Sorry but that assumption and assertion is insulting and offensive and says a lot about you as a parent and your ignorance around the summer born policy and why it exists. If you didn’t think it was of concern to you, excellent, but why do you feel the need to insult the children and parent’s of those who did?

If you genuinely do believe what you said (instead of just writing out of defensiveness for not doing the same for your child, which I’d understand) then I imagine it’s because you didn’t look into the issue / read all the research on it. If you had, you would know that it’s not about not having faith in your kid; quite the opposite, I think my child is so brilliant I didn’t want them to believe they weren’t or lose confidence because they were starting off on the back foot.

Even the language you’ve used ‘keep your child back’ is incorrect. So I’m sorry but you are coming across as ‘ignorant’ on this issue and ‘defensive’, but ultimately I’m pleased for your children that they’re happy and doing well. How wonderful for you. Let the parents of those who made a different decision to you, decide for themselves (based on acrual evidence rather than nasty opinions)

What a beautifully balanced approach :)

glad your child is doing well; it’s such a hard decision whatever you choose to do

Plenty of us on here have not "spread misinformation" by giving our experiences. Our experiences are just as valid and it is interesting that the most angry voices on this thread are towards those who chose to send their children to school within their age cohort.

You’re quite right, sharing your personal experience is not misinformation.

why would anyone feel the need to attack or criticise a person for making their own decisions about their family? Everyone’s circumstances are personal. I wouldn’t dream of judging a parent for sending their child at 4. Maybe they were well aware of the guidance but simply couldn’t afford another year of childcare; I’m well aware of the immense privilege of being able to pay for an ‘extra ‘ year of nursery (the data shows it’s more often high earning families who are professionals / well educated who choose to delay their summer born start so there’s a huge amount of privilege wrapped up in that).

There is however a lot of misinformation being shared here - about how the summer born guidance works, about the outcomes for summer borns, about the reasons a parent might choose to do this, what it means for those children who do start out of cohort and the terminology used. The reason parents will pick others up on this is because it may dissuade others from doing what’s best for their child or perpetuate ignorance that could be damaging more generally.

@Muthaofcats - thank you for your sensible reply.

As with any topic on parenting, people can be defensive which is understandable. A pp told me to imagine how much better my DDs could have done if I'd sent them a year later. I responded that I was perfectly happy, as are they, with where they are academically and emotionally.

I have never suggested that others should follow my lead, and anyone in this situation is advised to read research, talk to the teachers or key workers at Preschool and take the approach that works for them.

I just find a pps insistence on "scientific research" rather black and white.

Parenting requires us to make a myriad of decisions and most of us are trying our best. Research around summer borns is just one part of the picture as are many pieces of advice given to us from so many different sources as our children grow and learn.

I also agree that judging other's choices is particularly unnecessary and apologise if any of my posts have done that (I haven't read through them but don't remember saying anything).

I am defensive because I’ve been made to feel like a shitty parent for sending my late august born daughter to school at 4. Apparently that decision has set her up for a life time of misery if you read some of the drama on here. Meanwhile, in the real world, she’s happy, clever and well adjusted. Maybe people should just concentrate on their own child and stop worrying so much about other peoples?

I understand the defensiveness though not the people who become critical and judgmental. As a parent to a summer born I find all the threads on them intimidating. Even though she’s doing well in reception sometimes the words used here make me question if I did the right thing. Have I denied her an advantage? Is she only doing well because I helped her? Will she perform worse in following years? We all want what’s best for our children and sometimes all the research spouted makes me wonder if I’ve set her up to fail.

Yes, I agree with you. It seems particularly cruel that people like to be smug about their decision when some of us have already made our decision and our children seem to be doing well. It’s hardly kind to then say ‘oh well who knows how much better they could have done if you’d deferred’

I also agree with the person who said although it seems everyone and their dog defers entry for summer borns, in real life I know only one person who did it, and their child is entirely non verbal and severely autistic, and is now potentially leaving mainstream education. My child would have been bored out of her mind by another year in preschool, with the ‘babies’.

I can see how anxiety provoking this subject is - it’s so hard for parents of august borns whatever they choose to do.

Sorry you’re feeling like a shitty parent as a result of the discussion around the summer born disadvantage - it sounds like you’ve no reason to feel bad if you have a happy child who is doing well.

I think we owe it to ourselves (and each other) to be conscious of when something is triggering our anxiety not to let that lead to an emotionally reactive response that denigrates another parent or child just because we are feeling bad about something.

Telling me I don’t have faith in my kid or asserting they must have issues just because I did something that you chose not to, is going to make you feel even more shitty I suspect.

You’re right. I apologise for my defensive and emotionally charged response, that wasn’t fair of me to do any more than it’s fair for people to insinuate we are bad parents for making the choice to send our children in cohort.

You’re calling people smug and the children who did delay their start ‘babies’. Come on, you can do better than this.

You also sound confused because if your friend’s child is severely disabled she’d be on an EHCP which means the summer born guidelines would not apply to her.

The summer born csa starters I know are all bright, happy, confident children who have flourished as a result of getting the same benefits from early years exposure as their autumn born peers. Why wouldn’t you just be happy for these kids? It doesn’t threaten you or your own child, the option was available if you’d have wanted to take it, you didn’t, that was your choice.

Thank you - you clearly care very much about your child, which is a sign of a loving parent just wanting the best for her. I get how anxiety provoking and triggering this can be. We really don’t need to call anyone names , we are all just trying our best :)