Advice please - should I put my son back into his old school?

[Halbina]

Last year we moved house - not far from our old house but to a more rural area. There is a small village school by our new house so we moved our son to this school. He started year 4 there in September 2023 and has now been there for 6 months. It's a lovely school, but very small and so out of the small number of kids there he's struggled to find a friend he really bonds with.

As we haven't moved very far away from our old house we still see a lot of the old friends from the old school. At Christmas my son asked me if he could move back to his old school, so I called the old school to ask but at the time there were no spaces. Then this week the old school phoned to say a space had come up - did we want it? They have given me one week to make a decision and then it will be offered to someone else on the waiting list.

I haven't told my son yet - I thought Id mention it at the weekend as he's so chatty I didn't want him going into the new school and saying anything before a decision had been made!

If we did go back to the old school it would mean a 10min dive from our new house, whereas the new school is only a short walk.

Overall I do like the new school and I appreciate the extra teaching help he's able to have with a smaller class. But I do also think that school friendships are important, especially at this age (he's 9 years) and so when my sons tells he doesn't have a friend to play with a break time and sometimes eats his lunch on his own I feel sad for him.

I feel it's a big decision and don't know what to do! What would you advice be?

When will he go to high school? Will the kids from his old primary go to the same high school or do you anticipate they will go into different schools at that time?

How small is the new school? Sometimes I think especially in KS2 you're correct that some small schools can be too limiting in terms of friendship.

If he's not made any friends since September I probably would move him back to be honest. He still has quite a way to go at primary and I'd hate to think my child was lonely with no one to play with for several years before moving to secondary.

I’d move him back in a heartbeat. 10 minute drive is nothing. He already has friends there. It’s a no- brainer!

I also think it’s an important life lesson that if something doesn’t work you can change it.

Also he’ll be better prepared for high school if he has a bigger group of friends going from the same school.

I'd move him back unless there seems to be any major differences otherwise in the schools.

Move him. Definitely.

Move him.

Thank you, for your reply. He has the rest of year 4 and then years 5 and 6 before he goes to high school. There are 2 high schools in our area but one is nearer and so most kids from both the old school and the new school will just go to the nearer school.

Thank you for your reply. In the new school there is roughly 150 kids in the whole school - this number is from reception right though to year 6. Whereas the old school was very big - 5 classes in just his year and 100's of kids in the whole school.

Would your son be able to understand that old friendships will have changed and the social dynamics if he goes back may be very different to when he left?

Personally, I’d keep at the new school - a walk is far easier to maintain attendance than a drive with possible car issues/ill parents etc he would soon be able to walk himself if he’s not already. He is still seeing old friends, and will go to high school with them too, plus have new friends. 150 roll is still plenty, (my children are in a school with a roll of 15 total!) but does provide more time. How do you feel when you visit the new school? Is it bright and welcoming and caring?

150 across the whole school isn't a lot especially if some year groups have more than others or the split of genders is not very even so I can see why he's finding it harder to make friends.

Moving him back would probably be a sensible plan, he's not been gone long so hopefully he fits back in and it will prevent further friendship problems down the line especially when they all go to the same secondary school.

I'd also be tempted to move him back if he was happy there, especially if he'll be able to move to High School with those children as well.

Move him. A happy child is more important than an (on paper) "better" school. Friendships are the most important thing for a child at school.

5 classes across the year? That's a lot. Would he be in a class with his friends?

As he’s in year 4 assuming you can manage the commute I’d move him back.

if he was younger I’d say stick it out. But I think year 4 is a key time for friendships properly solidifying.

Just read your update. 150 is not a particularly small school, small schools round here have 30-50 kids tops which definitely limits friendships.

the old school sounds vast, what guarantee is there that he’d be in a class with his friends? I’d be asking that question before proceeding further

I’d move him, if he says he still wants to move.

Thanks for your reply. The space thats come up is in his old class - so this should mean he'd fit back in easily.

Good point - the split of genders is not even. There is a lot more girls and very few boys.

Yes the space thats come up would be in his old class.

Certainly in our area if there is any enquiry made to a nearby school, the current school is informed, so they probably already know

I had a child do exactly this last year. She moved back 6 months later and it was like she'd never left!

I would definitely move him back.
Being stuck in a tiny school where friendship groups have already been formed can be soul destroying.

I bet he'll be thrilled when you mention it to him 😊

Move him back!

I'm.normally an advocate for being able to walk to school, but in your case I'd move him.

Small schools can be a nightmare in terms of friendships. My DC (now adults) were at a small school and DS1 really struggled as he was the only boy in his year who didn't like football. There were only 8 boys.