Advice please - should I put my son back into his old school?

[Halbina]

Last year we moved house - not far from our old house but to a more rural area. There is a small village school by our new house so we moved our son to this school. He started year 4 there in September 2023 and has now been there for 6 months. It's a lovely school, but very small and so out of the small number of kids there he's struggled to find a friend he really bonds with.

As we haven't moved very far away from our old house we still see a lot of the old friends from the old school. At Christmas my son asked me if he could move back to his old school, so I called the old school to ask but at the time there were no spaces. Then this week the old school phoned to say a space had come up - did we want it? They have given me one week to make a decision and then it will be offered to someone else on the waiting list.

I haven't told my son yet - I thought Id mention it at the weekend as he's so chatty I didn't want him going into the new school and saying anything before a decision had been made!

If we did go back to the old school it would mean a 10min dive from our new house, whereas the new school is only a short walk.

Overall I do like the new school and I appreciate the extra teaching help he's able to have with a smaller class. But I do also think that school friendships are important, especially at this age (he's 9 years) and so when my sons tells he doesn't have a friend to play with a break time and sometimes eats his lunch on his own I feel sad for him.

I feel it's a big decision and don't know what to do! What would you advice be?

Thank you for your reply. There are only 7 boys in his year at the new school.

If he's back in his old class, I'd move him.
Ask him first, then go with his choice.

Agree with everyone else, unless the quality of education is massively better at the new school, then he is better off in the old one.

Take it take it take it

it's fate if the space is in his old class.

he's done 1.5 terms in his new school, it's not working out - it could but the opportunity has arisen that it doesn't need to work out.

I'd move him. I'd hate to think my dc's were feeling a bit friendless too. X

I don’t think it matters where he goes to school as there are pros and cons for each outcome, but how you pitch it to him will lay the ground for how he approaches difficulties in the future.
ask yourself will it be better for you to decide or him to decide?
would it better if he asked for the move or you suggested it?
what is the reason driving the move?

Have you invited children in his new class for play dates? He may just need some time with them one on one to start to bond and for them to find out what he's like out of class.

We've had two different boys over for playdates and both went really well, which is why I don't understand why he's still saying he's on his own at lunchtime! Maybe he just needs more time?

You don’t seem to want to move him back, OP. ?

Personally I would like him to stay in the local school because going to the new school has been a great way to meet people in our new village. But as we are still good friends with people from the old school / old class I know he will hear about the space so it's probably best he hears from me. I plan to tell him in a very casual way and just see his reaction!

Yes your right - I want him to settle in the new school but I would have thought he'd have done that in 6 months.

I'd put him where he is happiest but also ask him. 10 minute drive is nothing

What will happen with secondary school? Are both schools in the same catchment area? You don't want to let him move back then him end up having to go to a different secondary school to all his friends. Apart from that I would let him move back if he wants to, friendships are important too - happy kids do better in school

Thanks for your reply. Both the old school and new school feed into the same secondary school. There is another secondary school within catchment but it's further away so most kids go to the local one.

But if you’ve already met the people in the village, they aren’t going to stop talking to you because your son goes back to his old school.

I get wanting to be part of the community, but sounds like your son would much prefer being at his old school.

and he can always maintain his friendships with the other kids in the village at weekends/ holidays.

sounds like it would be easier this way.

With this I’d move him without a 2nd thought…usually my instinct is to not look back, but given that he still has 2.5 years of primary school to go, that’s a lot for a child of his age. Just do it

I would always prioritise the child's happiness as long as there are no other pressing reasons to prioritise something else. He sounds lonely at the new school but he was flourishing at the old one.

I would have left him in the original school in the first place given that it is only a ten minute drive away and he will be going to the same secondary as his classmates. You are very lucky to get this place back in the old school and I would grab it with both hands!

I always felt that the most important thing in primary school is the child feeling happy and settled with friends. Once you have that everything else falls into place and I would be really keen to avoid disrupting that.

He’s asked to go back and now you have the perfect opportunity. See what he says this weekend. I’d be inclined to move him, it is for 2 and a half years and that’s a lot when you’re 9.

As his friends from his old school will be attending the same secondary school, I would return him to his original school.

I'd discuss with the new school. What are their views on how he's settled? What could they do to support him? What do they think to him moving?

I'm also interested to know why you moved him in the first place, yes you moved house but with a 10 mins drive that isn't a particular inconvenience, what were your reasons to move him?

I live in a village 10 mins from another village and for me personally if I moved villages I wouldn't change primary.

In this circumstance,I would move him back. We moved house and went from city to village. Small school excellent teaching. My youngest was year 1 at the time,she's now year 3 and has only just started making solid friendships.
My eldest child was year 5,and never fully settled.
If I'd had the option,I would of allowed them to go back to the old school. My eldest still asks to go back now and she's year 7. Moving in year 5 was hard,this village school the children had already formed their friendships,and there isn't/wasn't alot or choice in terms of finding friend groups! We have around 10 in the class.

No hesitation. Move him back. This happened to me as a child but for different reasons and I was much happier when I went back to the old school

As the space in his old school is in his old class, I’d move him back. His friendships and happiness are key.

They are massively different in size, I’d definitely move him back if he was happier there