6 Weeks Pregnant - Should I Be Looking at Schools?

[WestLondonMummyToBe]

In West London. I’m thinking particularly of Pembridge Hall and Wetherby. Don’t you need to register from birth? Are there others I should know about like this?

I would have thought at the very least helps filter out the ones that won't be easy to teach.. I would be interested to know if those that do a ballot have a higher rate of 'asking pupils to leave' for not keeping up etc?

Surely it doesn’t really matter to the schools themselves if they miss out on a child who could have been a great candidate but had an off day that day. Whilst they obviously want to come across as playing fair, what they’re really interested in ultimately is getting enough bums on seats who have the potential to get top A-levels when the time comes and keep up the school’s position in the national league tables. The very top ones have plenty of those to choose from. The same applies to a Big 5 graduate training scheme.

@WestLondonMummyToBe
Yes exactly, but it does matter to the school if they have lots of children who aren't easy to teach / don't have the potential/ intelligence that's why a lot of them select rather than doing a ballot or whoever signs up first? Or maybe doing it randomly has as much success as selecting, especially at 3/4+ who knows. They definitely 'manage out' children who aren't keeping up, but I don't know how much and if this varies from school to school

I think the selection process works too. At our nursery, the same kids get multiple 4+ offers and same kids get no offers.

It would be interesting to see what happens to Wimbledon high in a couple of years time when they have more data to assess progress on. Maybe the difference between random ballot and those selected isn’t as broad at whs as it’s not a super selective school in the first place compared to more competitive schools.

For Bute House I have heard that the 4+ entries don’t do as well as the 7+ entries generally but still end up at great schools at 11.

@Worriedisither Thanks, yes I’d gathered there were some issues with Broadhurst these days. I’ve actually just started a separate thread on it.

Through schools want to select the most able cohort they can. Prep schools are maybe less concerned. It depends on how people judge the results which takes into account the admissions policy.

I'm kinda confused by this thread and the importance of these schools tbh. Me and DH both went to bog standard UK state schools and ended up with the highest results you can get in all our exams.

My younger brother was just awarded a scholarship for getting the top marks in his entire year at Oxford. Also from bog standard state school.

I do get that schools are important - but if your kid is smart they'll do well anywhere. At least that seems to be the case in my experience. Particularly with the internet now, so you can self teach. I skipped my A level lessons because the teachers were crap and taught myself online.

And if your kid isn't that smart and it doesn't come easily, do you really wanna be putting so much pressure on them so young, when they will likely struggle to keep up? Forcing them to constantly struggle? I see people like that and it ruined their mental health as adults.

I don't think any of this is as important as the OP seems to think it is. Better to bring up rounded kids IMO.

Most people chose private not only for the good exam results, but the overall experience and extra curricular opportunities too. Children can do very well at state school, but a lot don't, and the ones that don't could possibly have achieved more in smaller classes and with more personalised attention.

^What she says^

But there's a culture of perfectionism in these schools which causes a lot more pressure on the kids. As teens, a lot more prevalence of anorexia, mental health issues etc in these schools from what I've seen and read - if results aren't the main reason for sending your kids there, why on earth would you want such a high pressure environment for your kids to grow up with?

I can almost understand it if is just for the results, maybe you think they need that pressure to achieve well. But if you're saying it's not for that, then why not choose a school with a really inclusive, kind culture rather than one driven by assessing kids at age 4 and managing out kids who don't get high results?

I do understand the OP has her reasons, and we're all free to choose, but I genuinely don't understand it personally.

Also I'm not talking about private schools generally - but these super selective ones^

@Londonforestmum whilst I agree with what you’re saying, I wonder if it’s really necessary for a primary aged child to attend private school? I fully agree that it can make a big difference in secondary school and it’s not just about the experience, it’s also about the connections you make. A lot of industries rely on those connections.

I don’t agree with private school making a difference for younger kids. I’d be worried about it making my kid snobbish and entitled amongst other disadvantages such as being disconnected from the ‘real’ world (and the astronomical unnecessary fees).

Now speaking from experience, I went to a state primary school and then attended the top all-girls school in the state (back in Oz). My DS is currently in primary in a state school and I’ll be switching him to an all-boys private for secondary.

I suppose I’m sharing my opinion to say to OP that it’s a lot of pressure to put on an unborn child and that attending a state primary won’t determine his/her life.

@WestLondonMummyToBe - what are the state schools like in your area?

That’s a huge generalization. These schools work out very well for many. It’s not as if state comprehensives are without their problems either.

I’m in SW London and the prep schools that were “register at birth” a few years ago are now much less competitive due to the falling birth rate since 2012, which is happening country wide.

No school I’m aware of has taken pre birth registrations, even in the crazy you need to register at birth era, but it may be different in your area.

As an aside, I know lots of privately educated people and can’t think of one who has had any job advantage through school connections. Certainly wouldn’t choose private prep for this reason. More for the smaller class sizes, high staff ratio, greater number of specialist staff, streaming, extra curricular clubs and trips offered and - especially - the preparation for private senior entrance.

Each to their own! In London it's not always that easy to get into good private secondaries or grammars, so people may feel they stand less chance if they choose state primary (also not the only reason to choose it though) and yes of course there are state school kids that do get into these selective secondaries too.

Pretty poor. Arguably because everyone who can afford to goes private. Obviously this is not a great situation, I agree. However it unfortunately isn’t one I can change single-handedly.

Why is everyone piling in on the OP. She isn't aiming for a school that selects at 4. In fact, she's looking for the exact opposite @Rosiiee and @MsCactus

Yes, thank you. I hear the points people are making (re: possible pressure, snobbishness, etc.) and they’re already things I’m aware of and am taking into account when looking at individual schools. I’ve never said either that I won’t be regularly re-evaluating what is the best fit for my child(ren) as they grow and develop.

All I’m really trying to say at this stage is that I am fortunate/unfortunate enough to live in an area where this is how things work and I’m interested in hearing from others further along the line about how to make sure I don’t close any possible doors by being proactive enough early on. That is all for now. Many thank to those with relevant experience/knowledge who have contributed.

I’ve been through this process twice so a couple of points as I was you in my first pregnancy-

-by all means check out schools but doing it now when you haven’t yet had a child versus with your mum hat on and having an observational eye as a parent is very different
-cast a wide net because you may realise in time that the non selective school isn’t always the best option for your kid as they get older and you figure out their personality. If you can afford to have options you want to have as many as possible
-focus on the nursery school as the first priority as they can help massage the admissions process if your child doesn’t do well in assessments. Registering from birth does help but in my experience even registering a few months after the birth a space often magically appears, even if they say they’re at capacity.

If you live in or around the areas of Wetherby / Pembridge Hall that you originally referenced, there is a lot of transience and turnover in that part of London, spots do become available.

Good luck!

@SWLondonMum3 Thank you! Yes one of the Wetherby boys we knew of has gone back to the US now.

Wow, as someone who lives provincially and everyone just goes to their nearest state school this thread is 🤯 what a lot of stress!

Exactly - the reason certain schools have this ridiculous “sign up at birth” process is precisely because they AREN’T selecting at 4. There has to be some way of deciding which children get to come to your school when you are over-subscribed - it may be that a ballot is better but there is no perfect solution.
We ended up going to the local church primary but that also had quite a complicated entry process involving church going (we go anyway but plenty found God when their child turned 3 or so!), and also living close to the school, in a much more expensive house.
The good news is that demographically the child population is falling plus, as a PP said, the London population is transient so it is always worth being on a waiting list. Though when the woman at Wetherby’s had stopped laughing, I almost set her off again by asking if it was worth joining the waiting list…

Yes, even I’m starting to think now that maybe we should just move!

OP maybe just identify the target schools you have in mind and give them a quick buzz. They'll tell you honestly what the situation is. There's no harm looking around if you have the time. I don't think you'll be able to register until you've had the baby so it's not costing you anything. Then you've done the tours, it's one less thing to do. I looked at one prep school when pregnant - 3rd trimester though - as it took children from 2 yrs. The rest I toured after my first was born. Then we moved anyway.