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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Original poster

Untitled

30 replies

UpForAir · 19/03/2008 14:13

I'm a regular who's name changed.

I need to talk on here, as DH seems unconcerned,("It'll blow over") but we don't really want people in RL to know about this.

Ds (9)excluded form school for one day for hitting a girl.

I feel so ashamed that DH and I are the parents of a child who could be violent. At the same time furious that the school seem oblivious to the fact that he was teased, and has been attacked twice last week by a boy in his class.- one of the atacks resulted in his hand being badly swollen for 3/4 days.

I've obviously talked to DS about this,and how unaceptable hitting is, but's he's having a fine time reading books in his room, and extreamly happy to have a day at home.

The point of exclision is temporarily eluding me.

OP posts:
Original poster
UpForAir · 19/03/2008 14:16

And no thread title Ahhhh!

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Original poster
UpForAir · 19/03/2008 14:22

.

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bluejelly · 19/03/2008 14:23

Oh dear, don't be ashamed tho-- it's not like it was you hitting another child!

Have you talked to your son about it? How does he explain what happeend?

Original poster
UpForAir · 19/03/2008 14:25

He was being teased.. being reapeatedly called Postman Pat, and retaliated by hitting.

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avenanap · 19/03/2008 14:26

Poor thing. Some kids just reach breaking point because of some other kid making their life a misery and they get into more trouble for lashing out. It's really unfair. Have you asked him what happened? Is he normally a nice child? The head should have told you what the reasn for the exclusion was.

DoodleToYou · 19/03/2008 14:28

Message withdrawn

avenanap · 19/03/2008 14:28

I wouldn't blame him, he just had enough. It's understandable but you need to teach him to turn around and walk away if other children are annoying him. He needs to recognise his breaking point and learn some techniques to help himself.

3NAB · 19/03/2008 14:30

I understand you feeling ashamed your child hit but don't be.

Sounds like he had just had enough.

I would write a note to the school explainig what had gone on previously and asking them to explain the point of the exclusion.

My 7 (today!! ) year old is getting hassle from a girl in his class and I have tried to make allowances as her parents have recently split up, but tbh I have had enough. I tell him to tell the teacher but he says nothing happens. If it carries on after this break I will be speaking to the teacher.

chocolatemummy · 19/03/2008 14:31

not a good attitude by the school, prob as he hit 'a girl' its all more serious than another boy hitting a boy, which is wrong as bullying is bullying and excluding him for a one off thing seem very drastic

Original poster
UpForAir · 19/03/2008 14:35

There is a lot more to this story. From what I can gather, half the boys in the class are disruptive, including DS at times, and the teacher is just plain fed up. Aparently the initial plan was to ohone any parents today if any of the boys were bing silly, but when the teacher spoke to me yesterday evening she had decided it would be best if DS didn't go in today. I asked if it was a formal exclusion, and the teacher thought it would be better for DS if it were formally recorded, "to get him the help he might need".

He is blissfully happy at this school, after hating his last school.

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3NAB · 19/03/2008 14:36

Hmmmm

Original poster
UpForAir · 19/03/2008 14:37

I meant phone the parents of boys being sill, and ask them to collect their child.

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DoodleToYou · 19/03/2008 14:38

Message withdrawn

avenanap · 19/03/2008 14:38

It doesn't sound as if your ds needs any help, he needs to learn how to walk away but has behaved like any other child. If half the class are disruptive it's going to annoy your child and he's going to join in. It doesn't sound as if the school are on the ball with the behaviour of the other children and the bullying problems. Have you spoken to the headteacher?

3NAB · 19/03/2008 14:40

The class wouldn't be disruptive if the teacher had control...........

chocolatemummy · 19/03/2008 14:42

help? he wont get much 'help' sitting at home in his bedroom will he ?
Honestly, I know it is very tough for teachers these days but really.......
do they have bullying workshops? behaviour support groups? mentoring schemes? maybe he needs some responsibiliy or the group that are causing problems t=need to have some focussed work done with them sending them home is not helping anyone

Twiglett · 19/03/2008 14:42

I assume the boy who attacked him has also been excluded and it's not one rule for DS and another for other children

you can't have an 'informal exclusion'

chocolatemummy · 19/03/2008 14:45

any exclusion what ever they want to call it is not good and will be on the childs record forever, how old is he?

Original poster
UpForAir · 19/03/2008 14:46

Would I be unreasonable to think these boys are bored?

We had a lot of problems with DS in his last school - school refusal, and lots of tantrums- and some self harming- at home. He's now happy (if silly)at school and his behaviour at home is angelic (yes, really)

He has self harmed oncce at shcool, by screatchng himself with a pensil after bing told off, and was seen by school ed pscych.

I think the school is just generally concerned about the "immature" behaviour of several boys in the class.

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avenanap · 19/03/2008 14:53

That's not at all unreasonable. Boys can be very disruptive when they are bored and the aftermath can be spectacular! My ds is a bit silly at school, they don't appreciate that these are children and not test machines. They are not going to mature by being pushed, they need guidance and support (I'm not a hippy!). If it's a class problem your ds is going to have problems and excluding the boys if they get annoying is really not the best way to go. Have you spoken to the head?

Original poster
UpForAir · 19/03/2008 14:59

The head is an extreamly lovely man, whom the children all adore. As far as I can see he tries to avoid all cases of dicipline, and focus of the fun parts of his job.

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Original poster
UpForAir · 19/03/2008 14:59

What I mean is, no I haven't spoken to the head.

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avenanap · 19/03/2008 15:06

Ahh, loving and nurturing. That's not alot of help for your ds. He has to learn that discipline is a vital part of his job and that it's not fun all of the time.

It's going to be very difficult for you to guide your child's behaviour if the school don't support you and back you up. I know you say that he's happy and that you've already moved him but if he's being bullied, there's discipline problems, the teacher doesn't know how to handle things and the head's like a big kid is this really the best environment for your child?

Original poster
UpForAir · 19/03/2008 15:57

I don't mean to critise the school, they really are doing a fantastic job with the resourses they have. I feel the teachers are just fed up of the general bad behaviour of this class, and are now taking serious action.

Out of all the possible options, I'm confident that this is the best place for DS atm.

From what I remember form being at school, (junior and high school) a child wouldn't have been excluded for hitting another child, but they would have had a jolly severe talking to, and probably ended up in tears.

These days exclusions seem to be in fashion.

And no the boy who kicked my son wasn't excluded.

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avenanap · 19/03/2008 16:10

I don't think that you are criticising the school but you need to think whether it is meeting your child's needs. It sounds like they are taking drastic action and I do not think that it is right to exclude some for causing problems and not others. This sends mixed messages. It sounds like they need to rethink their discipline and bullying policy but as a parent, your hands are pretty much tied. They break up for easter soon don't they? I brought a book for my ds called the unwritten rules of friendship, it gives stretegies for children that are vulnerable to help them avoid the bullies and gives ideas how to help a child in class, aswell as how to make friends. Maybee your child would benefit from this? You could each him that the behaviour of the other children is wrong. It's not appropriate for them to mess around in class and disturb the other children, he can be the rebel and not do the same thing. If you can guide your child and show him the right thing to do them others may follow and he's less likely to get into problems. If you want your child to stay there then things can not really go on like this. Your son can't be blamed for lashing out, he was angry and upset and this is ok. He just showed how angry he was in the wrong way. It's very unfair that he was punished when others that have hurt him have not. This is something that you should take up with the school as they are giving your child mixed messages that will be confusing him. It will be hard for you to change his behaviour if this is what he can see. Have you thought of getting together with some parents who have the same concerns and working as a team with the school to try and work out how best to manage these children? The head doesn't sound very good if he's only in the job for fun times.