4 year old not being invited to parties

[dual90]

Ok, so here goes. My child is happy, confident and friendly, she’s extremely sociable, but one of the youngest in her year. For this reason I was kind of expecting a few more party invites, especially as I had noticed on the board at school most birthdays are actually in November and December. She seems happy at school, but it was only yesterday I got chatting to another parent who dropped into the conversation that they’d been having 2 parties a day at weekends and it was getting a bit much. I was slightly surprised as my DD had only had 2 parties since stating reception. One was a whole year thing right at the start so everybody was invited, the other was a smaller girl party with a closer friend. She’s starting talking about parties that others at school we’re going to have, but no idea if they were just fictitious or sometime in the future. I’ve actually been checking her book bag expecting invites to be in there, but none! I came away from
the what’s app group as it started causing me anxiety. A friend mentioned her child was loud and my child was quieter ( which I don’t necessarily agree with) she’s not particularly quiet - but I have no idea how she comes across at school. That she may be getting over looked. She kept asking about another girls party who I know she plays with occasionally at school, but I had to explain we can’t go unless invited. I intially thought I may be missing invites by not being on the what’s app group - but have been assured there is nothing going on there party wise. It’s old fashioned invite in the book bag, but to date we’ve had none! I know it’s a stupid thing to get worked up about. I have a lot of anxiety when it comes to this kind of social pressure and the whole fabric of school due to my own difficult school life. But I honestly don’t remember the party thing being an issue when I was a kid, it was either around somebody house and you invited a couple of people from school and maybe a few from the neighbourhood, there simply wasn’t this type of pressure. I’ve been told I should be glad we aren’t being invited to cold community halls with crap food - but that’s easy to say when your child is being invited!

All of our class parties are organised via what's app so I'd guess that's the reason however I understand why you don't want to go back on.

It's 100% WhatsApp for ours

Yep it’s 98% likely that it’s because you’re not on the WhatsApp group. You may be uncomfortable but at this age your kids’ social life depends on you, so just join the whatsapp. You don’t have to use it.

We don’t have a class WhatsApp but we do have Facebook pages. It’s the only reason I have a Facebook account.

My son would always come out of reception/year 1 at the beginning of term announcing that he'd invited so and so to his party. He did but his birthday wasn't until the summer so they had a long wait

My child is in Reception in a class of 30. There are 28 children's names on the WhatsApp group description - 26 of these parents are in the group and one mum added two other first names from memory. People used this for Christmas card lists and might do for whole class party lists, although the suggestion at our school is to give 29 invites with no names on and the teachers will hand out. I do wonder if there are two children missing out but we don't have a class list or photo and my son can't think of anyone who is missing.

I use what’s app, I don’t have an issue with that. Just the group, I did try muting it but couldn’t help seeing messages and it all started to feel a bit competitive too. I will try it again.

If there are 30 why 29 that means one child will always be left out!

@dual90 because the birthday child is the 30th?

Lol!! 😂 ok it’s early!! Didn’t catch that one!

Person having the party is the 30th

I know! Sorry early in the morning. Been awake since 5 am!

Join the wats app group uts handy for info

For example friday was own clothes day for those in a certain pe group as they won most points previous term

It was put on the group as a reminder Fri 8am

Not all saw it in time meaning some of the group went to school in uniform and upset

Ask the teacher /head office how many in their class

I did that as class rep and could only find /name 27 kids and gave my number x2 to the teacher to put in kids bags saying hello text me so I can add you to wats app group

Do you have a partner who could get on the WhatsApp group instead of you if you're not keen- just to stay in the loop?

He already gets on the emails, and no way he’d like the group. I will try it again xx

Def get back on the whatsapp group. Parents organising parties will either put an invite on there or look at the contacts and send invites individually. Parents not on the group can get easily overlooked.

One of the best ways to get to know parents is throw a party for your own child. If your child's birthday is in the summer and you don't want to wait that long, organise playdates or throw a random party and think of a reason ie easter party etc. This is the best way to get to know everyone.

Start talking to the other parents at pick up etc. I know it can be a nightmare.

Look approachable and laid back friendly.

I came on here to suggest this. Men often have none of this anxiety so can just dispassionately scan for relevant info without feeling any stress about it.

My child started in reception in September and we’ve only had 1 party invite! I hadn’t thought much of that until now 😂 we don’t have a class WhatsApp either!

Others have said it's just a matter of being on the Whatsapp group so that your name is there when parents use it to make a party list. Not that you need to "court" them.

I don't think anyone is suggesting that you need to be active on the group in order to 'win' invites for your DC.

You can archive the group so you don't get hassled by seeing it daily.

Well done for joining your what’s app again

one thing though regularly check your junk emails as all invites now are paperless and sent via emails which 98% go to junk . If they re selected they won’t be discussed at the WhatsApp group so good to check junk 😉

it ll be fine, school social stuff can be crappy. I ve had all sorts positions at the PA, I was head last year, and it’s all caused me unnecessary stress and arguments. This year new school and keeping low profile

as a PP said any issues with school etc always talk to school directly or even to another parent you trust

good luck x

I’ll try it again. However, the mum had says that it wasn’t happening by what’s app and she was getting party invites in her bag, but who knows!

I wouldn’t of thought that much of it either, it’s only when another says her daughter had been chockablock with parties that I thought wait a minute!

Do you work full time? When my DS started party invites seemed to either be whole class or those where the parents knew each other, which was an issue as I worked full time at the time so was never at pick up to get to know anyone. By the time DD started we'd moved house and school and everything was done through WhatsApp, much better.

I would focus more on how close she is to a few say 8 kids. Some kids do get a few invites say 10 a year but the friendships are still not strong.
When dc1 started some boys parents never included girls. In fact with 2 girls (so over 120+ kids over the years maybe only 5 different boys parties even though both played wuth boys.

Parties can be unpredictable dc2 says boy x is her close friend - not one party invite in 4 years. One year mum did say she would be invited but didnt. A girl this yr pestered dd for a party invite (i didnt think they were close) of course dc didnt get invited back - so probably not close then.

2 kids behaving like besties at child S party, my dc seeming a bit left out, yet mine had been invited to the other kid's party but S hadnt.
Honestly its all pretty random.

With dc1 i tried really hard with the parents. But dc eventually drifted down to 1 friend.
Dc2 with covid etc ive never got close to the parents and its sad. But fingers crossed she is still getting some invites.

There will always be kids who are
Old in year
Fun and sporty
Play with both boys and girls
A bit cheeky
Noticed by the parents
Go to parties to up their noticeability.
So they go to several per weekend.

But over time things change. A few closer ones is most important. And some girls are good at being besties with whoever is around

The close friends are meeting up at weekends outside of the parties.

Thank you for this. I think what annoyed me a little is the said parent describing my child as bit of reserved child, and she’s never been described like that at all. She isn’t. She’s always been described as confident, happy and most of all lots of friends. And this was the reason she wasn’t getting invited, but she also did say there weee some parties of friends from nursery and other activities she does. So again I just find this kind of pigeon holing and selectiveness at this age really unfair and just plain wrong really. I’m not saying that’s the reason she doesn’t seem to have had many invites/ it could be for very benign reasons, like not really being on the what’s app group and withdrawing myself a little. Although I’ve been told no party activity is going on there ! I know in the scheme of things it’s not really a big deal and she’s only in reception! Plenty of time for her to shine.

I am surprised by how few parties my dd has been invited to. She got invited to plenty at nursery. Partly I think it could be because she goes to breakfast and after school club every day, I have never dropped her or picked her up with the other class parents, so I'm a nobody 🤣