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Original poster

Teachers/TA’s social media and parents.

73 replies

notahappybunny7 · 10/12/2023 20:54

Are there rules in your school about being friends with parents on social media?
At the school my daughter attends there’s a huge amount of staff, mainly TA’s also some teachers who are friends with a lot of parents, it’s a small town and I imagine it’s unavoidable but given the children of those parents are also favourited it does leave a bad taste.

However my friend has let me know she is also friends with the staff at her daughter’s school too. She didn’t know any of them before her daughter went there and Lo and behold, her kid is also the favourite.

surely they should be rules on this sort of thing in this day and age??

OP posts:
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Sux2buthen · 12/12/2023 06:29

Blinkin · 11/12/2023 23:02

There's absolutely no rule that a parents can't teach/be in the same class as their child. At one point over 10% of children on roll where I taught were children of staff! It can be unavoidable and staff should be put where they fit best. Whether they teach their own child will sometimes be relevant to that, sometimes not.

Regarding favourites, I'm sure I'll get flamed but children of staff are often very well behaved! They do their homework, they read 5 times a week and put it in their reading diary, they speak politely to adults. Any child who does the same will be praised but children of staff disproportionately make up this group of children. I've quite honestly never taught a teacher/TA's child who has not been very well behaved.

100% agree

Original poster
notahappybunny7 · 12/12/2023 06:29

Soontobe60 · 12/12/2023 06:23

At my school, volunteers need a DBS. Therefore only a very few parents are asked to come on trips.

Show quote history

That’s absolutely not the case here.

OP posts:
Blinkin · 12/12/2023 07:03

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I knew you wouldn't like it! I feel sorry for the children of staff. They get criticised far more. For example, for having the most homework points. How do I stop children of teachers doing their homework?! I run a free homework club to encourage other children to come and complete theirs. I pay for my own children to be in childcare at the same time, but yes I am 'the worst kind of teacher'.

Blinkin · 12/12/2023 07:04

Also, are you a teacher? I didn't think it would be true bur I've taught for 15 years and that's my experience 🤷🏻‍♀️ Saying it's horseshit based on...nothing..isn't adding anything to a discussion.

Rycbar · 12/12/2023 07:05

notahappybunny7 · 11/12/2023 07:27

Getting away from the point but is favouritism something I should complain about? And a ta being in the same class as her child? Bad management by the head at the least?

There should never be favouritism so by all means speak to the school about that but having your own child in your class may be unavoidable as a TA. I’m a teacher in a tiny school and we have three TAs. One of these has specific early years qualifications so she’s the only one that can really be in the EYFS as we have nursery too. If her child started at the school theyd have to be in the same class.

Original poster
notahappybunny7 · 12/12/2023 07:15

Blinkin · 12/12/2023 07:04

Also, are you a teacher? I didn't think it would be true bur I've taught for 15 years and that's my experience 🤷🏻‍♀️ Saying it's horseshit based on...nothing..isn't adding anything to a discussion.

It’s your know it all attitude.

OP posts:
exLtEveDallas · 12/12/2023 07:23

That’s absolutely not the case here

I'd be absolutely astounded if that wasn't the case. It was the very first thing that Ofsted checked on our last inspection - Enhanced DBS for all staff and volunteers.

If that is true for your school, then you've got a lot more issues to worry about than favouritism

Atishooooo · 12/12/2023 07:26

Almost every TA and several teachers in my kids' small village-type school were parents there before they were staff - so they were already connected with many of the parents on Facebook before they became members of staff. What's supposed to happen then; do they have to unfriend all their friends who happen to have a child in the school?

The more useful thing would be for ALL staff to be sensible about what gets posted - while pictures of Mrs So-and-so on holidays with her kids (who may also be pupils) doesn't really matter, nobody needs to see drunken nights out with colleagues tagged etc. Some staff were a lot more careful than others.

Original poster
notahappybunny7 · 12/12/2023 07:31

exLtEveDallas · 12/12/2023 07:23

That’s absolutely not the case here

I'd be absolutely astounded if that wasn't the case. It was the very first thing that Ofsted checked on our last inspection - Enhanced DBS for all staff and volunteers.

If that is true for your school, then you've got a lot more issues to worry about than favouritism

If they need a dbs check why not say? They hand out forms and ask for volunteers, surely they’d state then if you needed one?

OP posts:
LovedMyLastNameItHadToGo · 12/12/2023 07:35

Our schools have a lot of parent teachers, in fact nearly all the teachers in both schools are parents and teachers. I know sometimes they are not on whatsapp groups, or if they are they tend not to comment. Bar once during Covid and it was like a 730am shut down of a bubble.

It’s hard not to be Facebook friends/friends out of school. I’m not best friends with any of them! But we will like each other’s posts. Speak at school etc. perhaps the occasional group meal.

They’re only human!

Codlingmoths · 12/12/2023 07:36

notahappybunny7 · 10/12/2023 21:27

Well yes, absolutely.

Show quote history

Former students is fine once they are 18, minors absolutely not. Parents though? Especially in small communities, I’d expect parents and teachers to be friends, especially when the teachers are also parents at the school. We have teachers who are parents at the school, the principal has gone to private dads social events, we knew another teacher from when we were back at school ourselves. Friends on fb is irrelevant. Maintaining a professional social media presence and having a fair school environment where teachers don’t play favourites is basic professionalism and it sounds like your school doesn’t have that.

Missingmybabysomuch · 12/12/2023 07:37

@notahappybunny7
I will try hard to explain a few points

  1. @Blinkin is absolutely right, statistically children of staff ARE very well behaved. They follow rules, do homework, read regularly, and being the child of staff shouldn't negate their right to be rewarded for their hard work.

  2. Although it isn't strictly a legal requirement to obtain a DBS for a one off trip IF they are not helping with an overnight, or helping more than once a week, or more than three times in a month or if they will be unsupervised with the children at any point then a DBS is just good practice rather than a requirement. But as it is good practice, most schools would rather use DBS checked parents as it cover them should anything happen or if the parent helper is ever unsupervised. Otherwise, having them help isn't that helpful if staff have to accompany/shadow them constantly. DBS checks cost, school budgets are tight, therefore it absolutely makes sense that schools would rather DBS a smaller set of parents who are available regularly and use them, than keep paying for endless ad hoc DBS checks for parents who fancy helping out once a year.

  3. Other than a gut feeling, you have no actual evidence of favouritism. Therefore you need to be very careful of what you go round accusing people of. Also, although I know lots of teachers wouldn't want to work in the same class their child is in, there is absolutely nothing preventing this happening and in many smaller schools is almost unavoidable.

  4. Feeling that your child is slipping "under the radar" is not the same as everyone else's kid being the favourite. If you do feel she is being overlooked then by all means have that discussion with school but if you want to be heard then I suggest you take the massive chip off your shoulder and adjust your attitude before you talk to them.

Blinkin · 12/12/2023 07:46

notahappybunny7 · 12/12/2023 07:15

It’s your know it all attitude.

Show quote history

For sharing my experience? I was trying to join in your thread OP. I've just contributed to the discussion and been sworn at and personally insulted twice in response.

Longma · 12/12/2023 08:05

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Longma · 12/12/2023 08:10

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Original poster
notahappybunny7 · 12/12/2023 08:19

Missingmybabysomuch · 12/12/2023 07:37

@notahappybunny7
I will try hard to explain a few points

  1. @Blinkin is absolutely right, statistically children of staff ARE very well behaved. They follow rules, do homework, read regularly, and being the child of staff shouldn't negate their right to be rewarded for their hard work.

  2. Although it isn't strictly a legal requirement to obtain a DBS for a one off trip IF they are not helping with an overnight, or helping more than once a week, or more than three times in a month or if they will be unsupervised with the children at any point then a DBS is just good practice rather than a requirement. But as it is good practice, most schools would rather use DBS checked parents as it cover them should anything happen or if the parent helper is ever unsupervised. Otherwise, having them help isn't that helpful if staff have to accompany/shadow them constantly. DBS checks cost, school budgets are tight, therefore it absolutely makes sense that schools would rather DBS a smaller set of parents who are available regularly and use them, than keep paying for endless ad hoc DBS checks for parents who fancy helping out once a year.

  3. Other than a gut feeling, you have no actual evidence of favouritism. Therefore you need to be very careful of what you go round accusing people of. Also, although I know lots of teachers wouldn't want to work in the same class their child is in, there is absolutely nothing preventing this happening and in many smaller schools is almost unavoidable.

  4. Feeling that your child is slipping "under the radar" is not the same as everyone else's kid being the favourite. If you do feel she is being overlooked then by all means have that discussion with school but if you want to be heard then I suggest you take the massive chip off your shoulder and adjust your attitude before you talk to them.

My child is well behaved, reads regularly and follows rules. Where’s her rewards? Also it’s not a gut feeling it’s the same group of kids/parents who get everything. I’m able to offer time and do regularly but I obviously don’t fit the criteria they want.
m why should the children of parents who can’t help not be front and centre in things. Everyone should be getting a chance.

OP posts:
CaptainMyCaptain · 12/12/2023 08:54

Some of the posts on this thread are absolutely toxic in their attitudes towards teachers. In over 30 years in teaching I certainly met teachers who were better than others and vice versa but never the favouritism that is talked about on MN. This thread is horrible and I'm so glad I never have to set foot in a classroom again.

By the way, my child was in the same school as me for a few years although not in my class. If anything, teachers went out of the way NOT to show any favouritism. TA's children were very often in the school because they lived in the same village and it was a convenient place for their mothers to work. I never saw any sign of favouritism with them either.

Original poster
notahappybunny7 · 12/12/2023 09:05

CaptainMyCaptain · 12/12/2023 08:54

Some of the posts on this thread are absolutely toxic in their attitudes towards teachers. In over 30 years in teaching I certainly met teachers who were better than others and vice versa but never the favouritism that is talked about on MN. This thread is horrible and I'm so glad I never have to set foot in a classroom again.

By the way, my child was in the same school as me for a few years although not in my class. If anything, teachers went out of the way NOT to show any favouritism. TA's children were very often in the school because they lived in the same village and it was a convenient place for their mothers to work. I never saw any sign of favouritism with them either.

Edited

Yet another teacher who thinks they know how every school works.
I happen to think the attitude of some of the teachers I’ve met is pretty toxic.

OP posts:
rainbowstardrops · 12/12/2023 09:15

Maybe you don't feel like you fit their criteria because of that massive chip on your shoulder?
I've worked in a school as a TA for 13 years and my child was at the same school. They were never favoured. Probably the opposite!
You're being quite rude to teaching staff on here and whilst not all schools are the same, the points mentioned by school employees on here are in line with my school too, so we're not all wrong!

waitlistt · 12/12/2023 21:47

CaptainMyCaptain · 12/12/2023 08:54

Some of the posts on this thread are absolutely toxic in their attitudes towards teachers. In over 30 years in teaching I certainly met teachers who were better than others and vice versa but never the favouritism that is talked about on MN. This thread is horrible and I'm so glad I never have to set foot in a classroom again.

By the way, my child was in the same school as me for a few years although not in my class. If anything, teachers went out of the way NOT to show any favouritism. TA's children were very often in the school because they lived in the same village and it was a convenient place for their mothers to work. I never saw any sign of favouritism with them either.

Edited

Are you saying the culture of schools unlike every other institution and every single profession is free from nepotism and cronyism ?

It happens at the highest levels in Whitehall , its rife in my profession too, I lead a team and have my favourites and I'm guilty of it if I'm being honest, we all are. OP is just calling it out, and it can have negative impacts on children not favoured.

This thread isn't a toxic attack on teachers and TA's, nepotism and cronyism are very human traits. I find it odd you've never experienced favouritism in 30 years of teaching, but as you're not an ordinary parent, maybe (like other teachers and TA's) its hard to discern.

To dismiss OP like @rainbowstardrops does of having a 'chip on her shoulder' strengthens OP's point how tone deaf those on the 'inside' can be to all of this.

CaptainMyCaptain · 13/12/2023 07:25

waitlistt · 12/12/2023 21:47

Are you saying the culture of schools unlike every other institution and every single profession is free from nepotism and cronyism ?

It happens at the highest levels in Whitehall , its rife in my profession too, I lead a team and have my favourites and I'm guilty of it if I'm being honest, we all are. OP is just calling it out, and it can have negative impacts on children not favoured.

This thread isn't a toxic attack on teachers and TA's, nepotism and cronyism are very human traits. I find it odd you've never experienced favouritism in 30 years of teaching, but as you're not an ordinary parent, maybe (like other teachers and TA's) its hard to discern.

To dismiss OP like @rainbowstardrops does of having a 'chip on her shoulder' strengthens OP's point how tone deaf those on the 'inside' can be to all of this.

Show quote history

I said I had never experienced after my own school years, my teaching career, my daughter's schools years and several grandchildren. It may well happen but not to the extent described on MN where pp seem to think all teachers are at it.

Original poster
notahappybunny7 · 13/12/2023 07:26

waitlistt · 12/12/2023 21:47

Are you saying the culture of schools unlike every other institution and every single profession is free from nepotism and cronyism ?

It happens at the highest levels in Whitehall , its rife in my profession too, I lead a team and have my favourites and I'm guilty of it if I'm being honest, we all are. OP is just calling it out, and it can have negative impacts on children not favoured.

This thread isn't a toxic attack on teachers and TA's, nepotism and cronyism are very human traits. I find it odd you've never experienced favouritism in 30 years of teaching, but as you're not an ordinary parent, maybe (like other teachers and TA's) its hard to discern.

To dismiss OP like @rainbowstardrops does of having a 'chip on her shoulder' strengthens OP's point how tone deaf those on the 'inside' can be to all of this.

Show quote history

They’re not tone deaf, the word is gas lighting. Some of the teachers I’ve met are narcissists.

OP posts:
saraclara · 13/12/2023 08:25

You're angry, I get it. And I'm a teacher and I've (briefly) taught in the school my children attended.

But I think what you need to do, as a pp suggested, is to work on keeping that anger under control in order to talk to the head in a very calm and rational way. Not pointing out the favouritism as such, but to say that their 'out of the hat' system appears not to be working well, as your child has not yet been able to join any clubs, while others are in all of them.

I'd ask if any records are kept to show discrepancies between different children's opportunities, and if in the next round of club selections, they could prioritise children who have fallen through the cracks.

I know you'll want to rant, and I understand why. But if your goal is to be listened to, and for your daughter to benefit, you've got to put on your best rational, reasonable and calm but firm parent act.

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