To consider raising concerns about this residential school trip

[TheMandaloriann]

im feeling upset about a planned two night school trip and I would really appreciate some guidance on whether im overreacting or I should ask to speak with the headteacher.

DS8’s school emailed last week asking for interest in a potential school trip. Yesterday, they emailed confirming the trip was going ahead and asking for a deposit by the end of next week.

I’m very supportive of school trips in general. My DS10 is going on a similar residential trip this year with the scho. I’ve volunteered for at least 60% of school day trips to date, as they’re usually short of chaperones. I can see the immense benefits the children derive from educational trips, so this isn’t in any way an anti-trips stance. However, I’m very uncomfortable with how this trip is being planned. I’ve tried to set them out here coherently but my thoughts are a bit jumbled at the moment.

1. My biggest problem is the location - in the initial email, the school only mentioned a company which runs the trip. The company has about 20 UK sites. In response to the initial email, I highlighted the fact that many of the children would be staying away from home for the first time, and it would be appropriate to chose one of the many sites near the school. The school has booked a site almost 4 hours away, it’s one of the most distant sites available. I feel uncomfortable that we would not be able to reach DS if needed and whilst I would have been comfortable with this site for a year 6 trip, it’s poor judgement to book for a yr 4 residential.
2. My concerns about how far the site is ties into the schools track record of supervision: the school is poor at supervising children and bullying is rife in the playground. The kids will sleep in rooms of 4, without any staff obviously, so plenty of opportunities for bullying. As the staff are ineffective, children have learnt not to complain and parents often sort out issues amongst ourselves. Worst of all, DS has been told several times that he should just ‘keep himself away’ from children that bully - that strategy obviously won’t work on a residential trip. For example, DS8 is squeamish about food touched by others - we’ve had instances of bullies spitting in his food, rubbing boogers on him etc as they know it triggers him. The school tends to put this down to accidents, but DS feels it’s targeted.
3. Finally, this isn’t a concern specifically for DS but I’m still concerned with how the school has handled it. The school is in a very mixed area by the wealth/ income of families and there have been several incidents of bullying based on wealth/ size of house etc. I know at least 5 families who won’t afford the trip or will struggle to, given we have had a weeks notice. Another 2 children have SEN which the school can’t manage on a residential trip and 2 children have severe allergies and aren’t old enough to administer their own medicine. Some of these children will go, but with difficulty. Again, I highlighted the fact that it probably wasn’t wise to plan an expensive trip (c.£300) and a cheaper one night trip might be more appropriate given recent incidents. The school has simply said ‘feedback has been considered’ but not changed anything . The class teacher speaks to the children about the trip daily - the kids knew the trip was proposed before parents did and several children have mentioned that she’s said things like ‘it’s not a real trip if everyone doesn’t make the effort to go’ and ‘you should all be trying your hardest to join’.

I guess people might want to know why I haven’t raised any of these issues with the school before? Honestly, I really do understand that schools are struggling enormously with resources at the moment and I’ve tried to mitigate issues ar home / with other parents until now.

if I was to go speak to the headteacher, I think I’d like to know:

• why did they choose the farthest site for yr 4?
• how will they prevent bullying overnight
• how do they plan to ensure children unable to join aren’t left feeling left out until the trip?

sorry for the essay, just trying to give as many facts as I can

Yeah I would also be unhappy if that was happening to my ds. I would speak to school and word it as ‘ds is feeling unhappy because he feels that…’
they can argue what happened (eg scuffling or whatever) but they can’t argue with how he feels. And it’s really important he feels happy and safe at school. So I would go in and say due to previous incidents where ds was injured and taunted, he is often feeling unhappy. He feels worried and anxious that other children don’t want to be his friend which really upsets him. Please can you advise what you can do as a school to support him?
its really not acceptable that your ds needed stitches and school did nothing about it! You could also ask to see their anti bullying policy

I think you need to separate out the issues

It is perfectly normal at my dds school for trip letter to go out asking for a deposit a week later. It means they vn make a sensible decision as to how to proceed and how many staff will be needed without weeks of indecisive tooing and froing on it.

The distance from home - irrelevant in my opinion. Chances are it is close to something to do with whatever topic they will be doing. Might be the only one that had enough spaces or the activities the kids had shown interest on.

As for cost, pupil premium is often used to support poorer families if they show interest or funds from the pta, also payment plans can then be worked out if needed. However, that is not your concern or your business to be raising.

The issues you raise about bullying etc are completely separate and you shouldn't be using the trip to highlight them. You should have been dealing with the class teacher or the Head. The only one failing your child in this situation is you I am afraid.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to have concerns about the way the school are organising this. It’s pretty fucking awful form to organise a big trip and ask for a deposit the week before Christmas. My kids school wouldn’t ever do these kind of paid trips at all, for inclusiveness, but to time it at the most expensive time of year is pretty tone deaf.
And definitely it would make sense to have just organised a closer 1 night trip for the first one given the children are so young and many won’t have been away overnight before.

You need other stuff to worry about.
Maybe the nearer place was booked up?
Try being grateful that teachers are giving up their free time to take kids away (unpaid of course)

That's true but it isn't always so black and white. One of mine was keen to go and have fun with their friends but very nervous about being away from home overnight. School assured us it was never an issue, I asked if I could speak to her on the phone at bedtime as it would settle her. Oh no, bad idea it would unsettle her. I'm her mother I do actually know a thing or two about her. I did have to smile when teacher running the trip rang me at nearly midnight, she was stressed and tired and DD wouldn't stop crying. Would I speak to her? Really? Wouldn't that unsettle her? So I had a quick chat, stopped her crying and off she went to bed secure in the knowledge I was available and I would be picking her up the following afternoon.

Sometimes we have to weight up the positives and negatives, there isn't one right answer and while a chat with mum might unsettle some kids it might reassure others. There's all shades of grey in these things.

Communication between parents/carers and the school is really important particularly if the more timid children who will probably benefit most from the experience are to be included.

no child of mine in year 4 would be going on a residential anyway full stop.

@hangingonfordearlife1 why not? Beavers/Brownies go on residentials at an earlier age

Rainbows go on residentials from 5. Beavers from 6. Some schools from 7/8. They use very heavily regulated sites and companies.
OP you are massively over thinking it all. If you aren't happy don't send child but let the others just get on with it

From your update I think you have way bigger problems than the residential!

Getting the whole class to call him piggy? Hunting him with sticks? What did I just read? You need to come down a lot heavier on the school. Did you ever file an official complaint? Was anything ever documented?

Last year a classmate of my DD wrote the word 'loser' on a notebook and passed it to DD's best friend, who subsequently passed it on the DD. Their teacher caught them and she came down like a ton of bricks... she gave me a call on the same day to tell me what had happened and also contacted the other parents. The 3 girls are all very good friends usually so I don't think it was malicious, truly misjudged teasing of each other. I thought it was a very minor infraction that could have been easily waved away, but anyway, this is how you want schools to be dealing with bullying issues, not sweep them under the rug.

Same reason I don't allow sleepovers at that age. Having gone on residentials myself from year 6 I experienced some pretty dodgy and unsavory things, involving both other children and adults. I will not allow my child, everyone else can do as they please....I'm a secondary SLTM now and am surprised any member of staff would want the responsibility.

I plan trips in a school, I think it's been poorly planned and communicated but that doesn't mean it would be an unsuccessful trip.

With regard to the incidents with your son I would email each and every time one occurs and refer back to the previous one(s) in your emails. Ask them what they are doing to safeguard your son and follow up with an email referring to what they're doing about it. . You need a written trail of what's happening for your own benefit and for if you need to escalate further. Honestly they sound poor at dealing with bullying behaviour, I would consider a move not because the bullies get to stay and the victim leaves but because the school are ineffectual at dealing with the issue and my sons wellbeing is paramount.

I can't help wondering if you're projecting your - very legitimate - concerns re the bullying, which you seem to feel unable to tackle robustly with the school for some reason, onto the trip, which you seem to feel more able to raise with the school - because it's contained and seems easier to handle?

I really don't understand why you are placing all the onus on your ds to put up with the bullying situation (playdates, role-playing scenarios, alternative friendships etc) rather than (calmly and politely, obv) dealing with each and every one of these incidents with the seriousness they merit, with the school. It sounds an absolutely terrible environment for children in general and those susceptible to bullying in particular. Your ds has had stitches? He's been held down and kicked? I'm sorry but it does seem intensely illogical to have accepted this state of affairs as 'just the way it is' (and laid the onus on your ds to adapt to it) but be going after the school about a trip.

I don't think there is anything outrageously abnormal about this planned trip. Nothing that justifies sending an email to a teacher telling them that they have poor judgement skills at least. I would hate to have put in all this work to organise something fun for the kids and to then be sent an email telling me it's all wrong. It does sound like you want to micromanage them and you want a trip that is specifically organised around yours and your DS wants.

I agree with you op. But actually to me , the biggest issue is the lack of notice. As a cash strapped single mum of twins I'd go nuclear if their school planned a trip that cost a fair whack ( double for me if course) without a reasonable amount of time to save it up. Of course lots of the privileged people on here won't even consider that. Your kids school sounds pretty shit overall tbh.

I’m amazed they don’t give a year’s notice. Where did y4 go last year? Is it a regular trip or is this the first one for y4? It seems quite unfortunate not to ask for instalments with much earlier notification.

Im in broad agreement with others. Not all feedback can be acted upon. The majority wanted the trip. Often dc sleep with friends.

You should be much clearer about your concerns re bullying. However your dc could have a great time with his friends. I would also start talking to DS about not being like a moth. Don’t be attracted to the bright lights. Be discerning. Tell a teacher about taunting. Don’t just sit back. Play with nicer dc. The trip could actually help him choose “friends” wisely.,