To consider raising concerns about this residential school trip

[TheMandaloriann]

im feeling upset about a planned two night school trip and I would really appreciate some guidance on whether im overreacting or I should ask to speak with the headteacher.

DS8’s school emailed last week asking for interest in a potential school trip. Yesterday, they emailed confirming the trip was going ahead and asking for a deposit by the end of next week.

I’m very supportive of school trips in general. My DS10 is going on a similar residential trip this year with the scho. I’ve volunteered for at least 60% of school day trips to date, as they’re usually short of chaperones. I can see the immense benefits the children derive from educational trips, so this isn’t in any way an anti-trips stance. However, I’m very uncomfortable with how this trip is being planned. I’ve tried to set them out here coherently but my thoughts are a bit jumbled at the moment.

1. My biggest problem is the location - in the initial email, the school only mentioned a company which runs the trip. The company has about 20 UK sites. In response to the initial email, I highlighted the fact that many of the children would be staying away from home for the first time, and it would be appropriate to chose one of the many sites near the school. The school has booked a site almost 4 hours away, it’s one of the most distant sites available. I feel uncomfortable that we would not be able to reach DS if needed and whilst I would have been comfortable with this site for a year 6 trip, it’s poor judgement to book for a yr 4 residential.
2. My concerns about how far the site is ties into the schools track record of supervision: the school is poor at supervising children and bullying is rife in the playground. The kids will sleep in rooms of 4, without any staff obviously, so plenty of opportunities for bullying. As the staff are ineffective, children have learnt not to complain and parents often sort out issues amongst ourselves. Worst of all, DS has been told several times that he should just ‘keep himself away’ from children that bully - that strategy obviously won’t work on a residential trip. For example, DS8 is squeamish about food touched by others - we’ve had instances of bullies spitting in his food, rubbing boogers on him etc as they know it triggers him. The school tends to put this down to accidents, but DS feels it’s targeted.
3. Finally, this isn’t a concern specifically for DS but I’m still concerned with how the school has handled it. The school is in a very mixed area by the wealth/ income of families and there have been several incidents of bullying based on wealth/ size of house etc. I know at least 5 families who won’t afford the trip or will struggle to, given we have had a weeks notice. Another 2 children have SEN which the school can’t manage on a residential trip and 2 children have severe allergies and aren’t old enough to administer their own medicine. Some of these children will go, but with difficulty. Again, I highlighted the fact that it probably wasn’t wise to plan an expensive trip (c.£300) and a cheaper one night trip might be more appropriate given recent incidents. The school has simply said ‘feedback has been considered’ but not changed anything . The class teacher speaks to the children about the trip daily - the kids knew the trip was proposed before parents did and several children have mentioned that she’s said things like ‘it’s not a real trip if everyone doesn’t make the effort to go’ and ‘you should all be trying your hardest to join’.

I guess people might want to know why I haven’t raised any of these issues with the school before? Honestly, I really do understand that schools are struggling enormously with resources at the moment and I’ve tried to mitigate issues ar home / with other parents until now.

if I was to go speak to the headteacher, I think I’d like to know:

• why did they choose the farthest site for yr 4?
• how will they prevent bullying overnight
• how do they plan to ensure children unable to join aren’t left feeling left out until the trip?

sorry for the essay, just trying to give as many facts as I can

I really appreciate this response - I think these are all the common sense things I would have expected as well.

I think I haven’t put it across too well, but as you say it’s a combination - the last minute planning, lack of communication, their responses in some other areas - not terrible enough to make me move schools but enough to just make me wonder whether I should send DS or not

That sounds really sensible and is the sort of progression I would expect - start the kids off small in Yr 4 and build them up. As you see in my OP, my older DS is going on the same trip and I have no concerns, but he can call me from reception himself if he needs to and he’s old enough to advocate for himself if needed

Thanks, I mentioned the other children in my op as I wanted to give some context - if it was 2 kids in the year with concerns, I wouldn’t expect any adjustments but if a large portion of the class has concerns, I’m surprised the headteacher can’t take them
on board.

Also worth noting this was a lower/middle/upper school system so y4 was the last year of lower school so treated more like y6 in terms of something significant before friends parted ways.

I don't think the distance really matters, 4 hours is doable. If you're not comfortable for your child going, then don't send them. Honestly soon schools won't bother with anything given so many parents have unnecessary demands.

By the way fussy parents, if you don't like what the school does why don't you organise and volunteer your time for these yourselves 🤷🏼‍♀️

Sorry, forgot to respond to the second part of your post. I’m also a bit worried about teacher allocations - the work in pairs and then tables of 4 in class. I know DS is seen as an amenable child and he is often paired with disruptive children as a moderating influence. He sometimes comes home upset at having had to deal with a disruptive partner all day, but we talk through his feelings at home. Again, I haven’t raised this with his teachers as I’m very aware they have more than enough to deal with but I don’t want them using the same strategy on the trip, because he won’t have respite.

By the way, if you don’t read the op (where I’ve made very clear I support the school in trips and do volunteer my time), why don’t you skip commenting

There's nothing to indicate that they didn't act on feedback. They just didn't act on your specific feedback. If 20 parents contacted to say "awesome," 9 contacted to say "not sure" and you wrote an essay, their overall feedback was "about 2/3, probably a few more, will come" and they think this makes it a financially viable trip. They will have read your specific concerns, but unless they have an indication that they're widespread vies, they wont have made changes based on your feedback alone. They don't need to explain how they intend to use feedback, as they probably don't know until they get it.

I never said that bullied children "should put up or ship out." But you're making a strong accusation against the school, while not doing anything about it yourself. The problem with the kind of unpleasant behaviour you've described is that there isn't a particular way to fix it, beyond PSHE teaching children to speak out if they experience or witness bullying, and as much supervision as possible - but the latter is enormously limited by lack of funding. So your view that the school are useless seems unfair based on this. A

Unfortunately when you lose confidence in a school/head and their ability to deal with bullying and other issues then this is the consequence. I have been there and the problems only got worse and I wish I had pulled my child out earlier. I wouldn't be sending my child... but I would be looking at other schools.

The school's attitude to bullying is the most concerning part.

I'd recommend leaving it until the New Year, then expressing your concerns about bullying in a letter to the Head. (If there are things you appreciate about the school and teachers it would be kind to also express that in the letter).

Read the school's bullying policy before writing the letter to see if the problem lies with the policy or its implementation. And review what what written in the last Ofsted report.

If the Head's reaction is unsatisfactory, take it to the governors. And then to Ofsted if necessary. Ofsted will probably do nothing and barely check it at the next inspection on current form, but it's worth a try!

Getting the school to tackle bullying effectively could literally save a child's life.

I think this is probably part of the problem - we have a new headteacher this year and there have been a whole host of ill thought out initiatives - with most of them, I’ll just roll my eyes, maybe have a moan with the other parents and then get on with it. With this one, I feel like the lack of thought has the potential to cause issues. It’s especially frustrating as the old head was brilliant and trusted by parents, this headteacher seems to go out of his way to not engage with parents/ set up initiatives that sounds good on paper but have no proper thought behind them.

DS's Y4 trip was to the Isle of Wight, we don't live near the South Coast. It wasn't the distance but the trip across the water that made me feel slightly nervous, but DS had a ball.

At the time they booked it was the cheapest place they could get with availability, even taking the ferry cost in to account. Somewhere else had been planned, but there were safeguarding concerns so school had to find an alternative venue quickly, and most other nearby venues were already booked up

Again, I don’t think you’re understanding. I KNOW this sort of behaviour is the hardest to stamp out, I KNOW that they don’t have enough resources for adequate supervision - surely those facts are cause for increased concern/ better planning?

i would caution you to take your own advice about jumping to conclusions about whether someone is ‘useless’. You write that I’m ‘not doing anything about it it yourself’, in fact I’ve been working incredibly hard, building other friendships for DS in extra curricular, role playing scenarios on which he feels targeted, taking him to self defence classes, encourage other children over to play, speaking to other parents where they are receptive - I’m not sure what else I can do, unless you want to return to your original point that children who are bullied should have to move schools?

Don't send him on the trip. It's not hard, is it!

I genuinely don’t understand responses like this - obviously if we all only had binary options, every situation would be easily addressed.

don’t like your MIL - don’t meet her then
struggling with your mood - get happier then
don't like your job - get another one then
its not hard, is it!

i Understand you might genuinely see life like this, obviously I know I have the option not the send DS. I’m asking if other posters might share my concerns in the situation I’ve described or whether they are unwarranted

But you do have a binary option - you either send him or you don’t

On trips they are normally with friends, they give in some names.

i would complain about being with a disruptive partner in class.

The trip sounds fine, and I don’t think it’s ok for you to question every aspect like this. Either send your child or not . It’s not compulsory. Wait til secondary when there’s a ballot for every trip so kids miss out all the time. And trips are overseas so cost a bloody fortune. Although I wouldn’t complain as my dd missed 4 years of trips thanks to COVID.

Sorry your DD missed out on these trips - I’m sure she’d much rather have had the choice and I hope she gets some opportunities now

Also this. I don’t think it’s really healthy for you or or ds for you to be micromanaging like this. I can understand being worried about the bullying but trips seem to be ok. I’d let him decide in y4. Not all kids do residentials in y4.

Thanks for everyone who posted sensible replies. You’ve really helped me understand that the problem is wider than this trip - problems aren’t being dealt with in school and that needs to change. I’ll be more proactive about the issues DS has faced with his teachers, there is still a while to the actual trip and the schools responses should help me assess whether DS should go or not.

With the short notice and far away site, it may be that the company had a cancellation and therefore made the site available at a lower rate. I’m sure all the teachers would rather go closer and it would certainly make any coach cheaper.

As others have said, kids usually give names of friends and get at least one to share with, and teachers should be keeping an eye after lights out that kids are on their dorms

This! Just don't send your child if you don't like the plans.

Overprotective parents must be the bane of a headteacher's life!!

I never called you useless. I apologise for saying "you're not doing anything about it," but what I meant was - if it was really serious, you do have an option to address it by moving his school. Is it fair? No. But people do it because there is nothing anyone can do to completely stop other children from bullying and being hurtful, short of moving schools. As you say, this isn't necessary in your son's case, and that's OK. You're clearly a caring and proactive parent, and I apologise if you felt I was suggesting otherwise.

Please don't ask to meet with the headteacher to question their plans for the trip. Sure, the last-minute planning is poor form, and you have questions about night time arrangements. But headteachers have so much to deal with. You clearly don't yet have faith in the new headteacher, but they're most likely trying their utmost and don't deserve to be grilled on every decision. You have a clear choice - send him on the trip or not. If there are questions that you need to ask to decide, direct them to the teacher or school office in the first instance.