So, if an 8yo boy cries floods of tears because he doesn't want to go to school....

[TooTicky]

....this is not good, is it?

He said he felt sick but I don't think there was actually a physical problem.

I can't find any reason for being particulkarly unhappy with school, except that he just doesn't like it.

Are some children just totally unsuited to school?

It's not good but I'm not sure it's that unusual. Is it the first time or is it a regular thing?

It could be something very small, a single incident, or it could be something which is huge to him but easily cleared up if you talk to his teacher.

I have spoken to the teacher before. She says he seems quite happy and there are no obvious problems , social or educational.

He hates writing and is very slow but insists it is not difficult, just that he dislikes doing it.

Oh, and it seems to go in phases - sometimes he is utterly miserable, other times he seems okay.

could it be PE or something that only happens on certain days.
Maybe a certain teacher they get on those days.
Have you noticed any pattern of any sort?

No, no pattern. But then, I don't know exactly what happens on different days.

I remember crying every Sunday evening and just feeling really low about school starting again - yet I loved school. I guess I just loved home more.

I think a word with the teacher is wise. Is he getting enough sleep?

It's hard, Kerrymum, he doesn't say a lot and is very sensitive to probing.

Yes, he sleeps well and wakes up naturally.

When my son went through this I started keeping a little diary with him to say how school had been that day. It helped him see that some days were fun, others were not, but that they weren't all awful. It would also help you see if there are particular days (with particular activities) which make him upset.

For me the big question would be, is he ok once he goes in? My DS2 (9) has real problems saying goodbye to me. When he went back to school recently having been homeschooled for 6 months we had tears at the classroom door every morning. I blatantly bribed him. He got a "brave present" for every morning he went in without tears - just a lollipop when I picked him up, but it worked in a week. I do realise that there is a lot in the above method that people would disapprove of but it worked. He did say though that he liked school really, just didn't like saying goodbye. If your son really doesn't like school it obviously wouldn't be as simple.

I would sit him down and say:

"You seem really upset, and I'd like to help sort it out for you, but I really need you to explain to me what you think the problem is."

Boys are particularly bad at this kind of verbalising ime -- we had a nightmare situation just before Christmas where ds (8) was suddenly and out of the blue hysterically upset about school. It took two days of conversations along the lines of:
Frog: So what is the matter, why are you so upset?
Froglet:
Frog: Well something must be wrong, you normally like school?
Froglet: Nothing.

before we got to the root of the problems which was...

that an 8yo girl in his class had written him a soppily explicit illustrated love letter. And all the girls knew about it and were talking about it. He was mortified, and it took me a solid evening of persuasion before he'd agree to me telling the form teacher so she could have a word with little Miss Hormones and tell her to cool it. After which all was fine again.

Moral: however hard it is for them, they owe it to you and themselves to try and learn to identify and explain what it is they are unhappy about. It can range from the very mundane to the complex, but you can't possibly sort it out without his co-operation.

Btw I have your parcel packed, just need to get to post office!

He may be coming down with something.

It isn't normal to be in floods of tears. Something must be troubling him beyond just not liking the schoolwork I'm afraid. Could be something that goes on at break and the teacher is unaware of.

Another thought - is he too old to draw whatever's bothering him if he can't talk about it? I know that can be helpful with younger children.

Thanks everybody. He really is a very reticent child when it comes to this kind of thing. Wonder if /I could get him talking in his sleep? I know he is a big worrier.
We have parents evening next week so will probe teacher again.

Ds1 loves school, but when he gets tired he just doesn't want to go. But it is entirely related to tiredness in his case.

I have been through similar with my Ds. It is so hard to get out of them what the problem is.
Sometimes I put my DD on the case and get her to report back (she is older than him)
Do you have an older child who could help or is he your eldest?

some children are unsuitaed. Home educate

He sounds like my ds. As you say, no pattern, some days he is okay. There may well be some underlying cause of distress for him. For my ds it seems to be putting on his uniform. He is fine up to that point. He said yesterday that putting it on makes him feel 'funny' inside. Once he's in school he's fine.
I borrowed a book from the library yestersay about school phobia but haven't had a chance to read it yet. Will be lurking for any advice!

He has a big sister, but I am ? home educating her for this year.

NeedMoreCoffee, that's kind of what I was thinking.
It's complicated, isn't it?
I also have ds2 at school and he likes it,m but if I HEed ds1, would ds2 go off school?

I get more out of DS by asking him "what was your best thing today" and then "what was your worst thing today" than any amount of "what did you do today?"

Once started along this course, he will then casually come out with stuff which he would never tell me if I asked directly - usually when he is in the bath!

And today he has come out of school positively bouncing because they've been studying Martin Luther King!