DS nearly 5 struggles with writing and upset about it

[Picturesofowls]

First parents evening - doing well at maths, behaviour and science, struggling with writing. They're not being overly harsh if you ask for an s you get a very creative full page squiggle followed by aaaahhh I can't do this, pen down. Then I was upset to hear him call himself stupid, usually he's very confident.

What can we do to help? We think there are a couple of reasons:

1. He's never been into drawing or colouring (despite me bring arty) he'd just rather do sport or lego do doesn't have the hand control. I'm wondering if there's any superhero themed art or writing he might like?
2. He's not used to really struggling or noticing someone else can do what he cant. Things he's tried like bike riding, archery etc.. and numbers have come easily to him. If its both boring and difficult he gives up. I was sad to hear him calling himself stupid etc over the writing. We always say it's just practise, you're getting there, we'll done etc... we don't pile on pressure so it surprises me he said this.

Any advice please? Should we incentivise with stickers/toys, use a pad to practise hand control (we currently try to limit screen time and no pad use), will it just happen in time...just not sure.

Most childre3n of that age struggle with writing. He will get there. Just give him time - and definitely do not focus on it with incentives. Just reassure him that people learn this at different rates and his turn will come - focus on al the other tings he can do.

In Europe he would not have even been asked to try this at his age.

Following as my son is going through the same:

He’s in reception yes? It’s so early to worry about this. Plenty of kids can’t form many letters yet - my daughter (same age) is actually super keen but still struggling with formation of quite a few letters and not brilliantly neat with the ones she can do.

Things like play dough are really good for developing the muscles needed for writing. I’d have thought Lego would help too, though again my daughter is good at Lego but not so good at writing!

I wouldn't worry at this age but if you want to try at home than I used to get my son to practice with tracing paper over the top of my writing and I also used to make dot to dot Alphabet letters for him to join up.

How about something like this?

https://www.amazon.co.uk/s?k=maze+puzzle+book+for+kids&crid=3CQWWG01RCDXC&sprefix=maze+puzzle+book+for+kids%2Caps%2C74&ref=nb_sb_noss_2

So he gets better at controlling the pencil?

Thanks. Yes reception but one of the oldest. I don't know how other kids are doing . Though I knew some kids who could write at 3 and the teacher was implying he was one of the ones struggling the most (though not the only one).

Glad to hear it's quite normal at this age.

He sounds similar to my son, he also didn't like drawing etc so didn't have good pen control. I remember tearing my hair out because he couldn't curl a 'C'!!
He is now in year 2 and much better. I honestly think taking the pressure off is the answer. He'll gradually build up his writing at school. They really are still incredibly young.

My son is the same, first parents evening yesturday. Teacher wasn't overly concerned as he has made progrss from the start of the year.

I'd suggest just to keep practicing. Get a book that you can use a whiteboard pen with with letters in. He will get there it's not usual at this age as a PP said

I used to teach this age group, it's really common for children to struggle with writing specifically at this age. How's his pencil control generally? For example, can he create controlled zigzags, wavy lines, circles etc?

If not, I'd stop worrying about forming letters for now and focus on helping him develop his fine motor skills (and the ability to sit in a comfortable position for writing for slightly longer periods). You can buy all sorts of pen control books that don't feel like schoolwork and are wipe clean- for some children, wipe clean really helps because they don't like looking at their mistakes and they can just wipe it off if it goes wonky.

If he's reluctant, maybe start with something like this:

Wipe-clean Pen Control: 1 https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1409582604?ref=ppxpoppmobappshare

That one is picture-based and gets them drawing straight and wavy lines, curves etc. Those skills will set him up well for writing letters. It's really lovely with very fun pictures to complete, my four-year-old goes and gets his out for fun (and he's by no means a motivated writer himself 😆). The book also has (I think) follow-on books to move onto when he progresses.

I'd also recommend:
Mazes where you draw the route between the lines (I think Usborne makes a maze book too with mazes going from easy to hard, again very popular with my DS)
Dot-to-dot
Play doh
Threading beads onto shoelaces. If shoelaces are too hard, start with pipe cleaners as they're more rigid
Anything else requiring fine motor control

If it's more a case that he can control his pencil but doesn't like writing, maybe try giving him different tools for writing. It's amazing how many children don't like writing with a pencil but will happily practise when you let them do it with paint/sparkly gel pens etc. Obviously he can't paint his school work but it might be a fun way to build up his confidence.

Oh and also, giving children a reason to want to write can help. Once they see the usefulness in everyday situations, it can help motivate them to have a go. So, writing a post card to granny and walking together to the post box to send it, helping you write a shopping list to make dinner and then cooking it together, even if he's just contributing a few words. Praise any attempts to write even if it's not formed neatly or there are spelling issues, that can be sorted later. I think the most important thing is to make writing pressure-free and purposeful for reluctant writers.

Does your son have access to writing tools that aren't pencil and paper? Eg gel pens, magna doodle, aqua doodle, fingers in shaving foam etc

Writing requires good fine and gross motor skills. So you need arm muscles as well as hand muscles. Is he using small Lego or duplo?

You can get cheap activity books with puzzles like dot to dot and drawing a line to match pairs eg Captain America and his shield sort of thing. This way he is writing but it's fun and not focused on phonics.

It's very young to be massively worried. First term of YR should very much be about them settling in and engagement with learning and the school structure. Don't give him a complex before he's even had chance to set off. If lego is what he likes then let him do lego. Brilliant for fine motor skills, spacial reasoning, problem solving and creativity. The writing will come. If you're dead set on pushing writing skills then make it fun and relaxed. How about a flat box filled with sand and a stick to practice letters? Mine loved her easel with whiteboard when she was first learning too. Don't stress. If he's smart and happy (which it sounds like he is) then the rest will follow

Thanks, that's reassuring. Today DS curled the perfect c, with the whole thing back to front.

Thanks. He wouldn't do that as hes not interested but it gives me and idea.. join the dots spiderman!!

Is it possible he's left-handed?

He is only 4. Get him some of those handwriting practice books where you trace round letters.

Thanks, really appreciate this. It's a combination, his pen control isn't the best because he's never been into drawing and coloring. But he seems specifically demotivated or uninterested in writing letters. So these or good ideas.

Also - it sounds as though you are displaying the right attitude to things that don't come naturally. If you don't know where him calling himself 'stupid' has come from I'd think about a gentle exploring chat with the teacher to see if he/she can shed any light on where that has come from.

You're right that a good mindset when it comes to things we find difficult is an important life skill.

It's a good idea. I did but he won't do them. He'll do the daily worksheet from the school for about one minute. He said he doesn't need anything else. I've said the practise helps but he's either not convinced or doesn't want to or both.

Can't you use bribery. He does say 5 letters then a treat or star to save up for a toy.

My DD was like this at 4 or 5, it turned out she was dyslexic, she really couldn't see the difference in lots of letters b, d, p and q were all the same, h and y, g an e, s and 5, 6 and 9, also things like on and no. She would just look at the letters she was meant to copy and cry. She sorted it out eventually by the shape of whole words and context, but it was painful trying to help and she didn't understand why it was so difficult. She did very well in all her exams later, so worked out OK.

My DH had always said he had trouble with letters because he 'missed' half the alphabet by being ill, in retrospect I think he had similar problems.

I could have written this word for word last year about my Ds! Literally identical, however we are now in year one and he's come on SO much where it wasn't even bought up at all in this year's parents evening (different teacher from the reception one)

I mentioned how difficult he found writing (he still won't do it at home with me at all) and the teacher looked surprised, and said no he's right on track, doing well and just needs to work on finger spaces. I was flabbergasted and she pulled his book and he is writing sentences!!! Yes they are a bit messy but I can fully read them!

So the advice I would give that seems to have worked for us this far is...

Don't push at home, don't use rewards and don't really mention it AT ALL (I didn't want to give ds a complex about it and make it a long term issue) so I literally backed off completely and let school work on it but nothing with me or at home.

Increase activities that build finger strength like playdoh, kinetic sand, sticker books etc

Leave pens/paper etc always accessable for them to see them out and about and decide to pick up themselves (Ds never did but eventually as he got more confident at school he started too!) We just left it on our coffee table in the living room.

Treat them to new art supplies/colouring books etc to see if they choose one they might like to do a few minutes of colouring - especially if you do it with them together and let them boss you around 😂

A mini whiteboard is really good for them to scribble on and wipe off (D's liked it because it's not permanent like paper is so he can just run it out and mess around with it) same with using a paintbrush and water outside to paint the fence or the patio etc

Do craft activities (it was hard to get D's interested) but we would combine it with going on a nature walk to collect pinecones etc and then decorate them when we got home, or doing Christmas or Halloween themed crafts together was met with less resistance lol!

Keep working on things they enjoy and are good at at home to build their confidence in general. If they like maths, or reading, or music etc encourage that as they will be working on writing at school and building their confidence in other areas (even if you don't think they need it) will help them feel positive in general.

Obviously I'm not an expert but it's super common for boys to take longer to get to grips with writing and so I would honestly take a complete back seat, even though I know the thought of that is terrifying because you don't want them to fall further behind and you want to help whilst it's not too late etc BUT I really do think it's a matter of giving them time to just mature physically and it will fall into place.

Last weekend D's told me they did a wanted poster for evil pea (from super tato the book) in school and he wanted to recreate that activity at home - I couldn't have dreamed he would want to or be able to do that a year ago.

Yesterday ds started drawing with the paper we leave out, whilst I was doing the dishes and he came running in, he had written me a note that said 'to mummy, your the best mummy in the world, I love you' again I couldn't even imagine him doing that before!

They're still so little so I'm sure it will come, they just need time and they can't naturally be good at everything.

No incentives -- look up extrinsic versus intrinsic motivation. Basically, if you reward academic things, you're in danger of making them seem less inherently important and appealing for their own sake. He's not behind at all at 5 IMO- he'll get there with lots of patience and positivity.

I’m in Australia and my son won’t even start school till he’s 5.5 like most kids his age. Barely any of them can write more than their name!

My son is in reception and can't write at all, and shows no interest in trying really. He is left handed though, so I think that makes a difference.