DS nearly 5 struggles with writing and upset about it

[Picturesofowls]

First parents evening - doing well at maths, behaviour and science, struggling with writing. They're not being overly harsh if you ask for an s you get a very creative full page squiggle followed by aaaahhh I can't do this, pen down. Then I was upset to hear him call himself stupid, usually he's very confident.

What can we do to help? We think there are a couple of reasons:

1. He's never been into drawing or colouring (despite me bring arty) he'd just rather do sport or lego do doesn't have the hand control. I'm wondering if there's any superhero themed art or writing he might like?
2. He's not used to really struggling or noticing someone else can do what he cant. Things he's tried like bike riding, archery etc.. and numbers have come easily to him. If its both boring and difficult he gives up. I was sad to hear him calling himself stupid etc over the writing. We always say it's just practise, you're getting there, we'll done etc... we don't pile on pressure so it surprises me he said this.

Any advice please? Should we incentivise with stickers/toys, use a pad to practise hand control (we currently try to limit screen time and no pad use), will it just happen in time...just not sure.

Thanks, thats helpful. I told the teacher he's getting upset and calling himself stupid when he didn't used to do that. She said she didn't know why. However she thinks he may have only just realised some kids are better at writing and its a bit of a shock. She said there's a mix of abilities in the class.

He is generally competitive and people often comment 'isnt he intelligent' because hes very articulate and confident - also DH has a clever job and perhaps kids pick up on that.

So he may expect to be good at things. I try to praise effort rather than just outcome and show my own struggles (for example using tools) and that I keep trying.

I just wanted to say that struggling is actually a positive thing over all. Bright kids who find school easy frequently struggle later in education/ life more generally.

Learning to work at something is an important part of growing so even though it's horrid to watch your children struggle it's actually okay, even beneficial.

Hands are still developing at that age and girls tend to develop sooner. Good luck.

Was wondering. Though last time I tried DH thwarted my attempt as he accidentally found his birthday present. I'm always asking DH not to buy toys so I can use them as rewards. I thinknour parenting styles are not coordinated 🤣

Thanks I like this. I have a few friends who struggled at primary school for various reasons who are now happy and have great jobs they enjoy.

I guess though the key is that they don't give up altogether and just think learning isn't for me. I'm not sure of the difference.

Your child is not yet 5 - barely out of the womb in the bigger scheme of things. If he were in say Germany, he would not even be asked to try and do this till age 6. He should just be getting used to holding a pencil and controlling it enough to draw shapes/scribbles. He has the rest of his life to learn to write! The thought of him being upset about is the thing that needs dealing with - not the fact that he cannot do it! Concentrate on the things he can do and have fun with those.

If he still struggles with writing when he is perhaps 10 then you could seek help. Having said that, my brother is a grown adult and his writing is hopeless - always has been! Hasn't held him back. And in these days of computers/phones etc. we none of us write very much anyway!

Thanks, hes very good with lego but the other ideas are useful additions.

My DS is two years older than yours and still hates writing, we’ve been using the Write from the Start programme and have seen a huge improvement over the past few months. He still hates it but it’s eligible!

his school aren’t concerned and his senco told me we live in a world of technology where his handwriting just isn’t really going to matter, so don’t stress about it.

You’ve had loads of suggestions but my kids liked an app called Hairy Letters where you squish a little hairy monster and use it to write letters with your finger. Has small boy appeal!

Thanks. Sorry to hear it made her cry. It sounds like you struck a good balance between encouragement and patience.

I've looked at dyslexia symptoms. However he is very articulate for his age, has a great memory for directions, songs and stories. He's not a daydreamer like me - he's very present. So I don't know if it's possible he could be. Perhaps something to watch out if the issue persists in a few years.

Agree with every word of this!

Mine is a May born boy and he was exactly the same at this point in reception - no interest in drawing or writing.

He’s now in year 1 and with no effort from me other than making art supplies available he’s suddenly massively into drawing and writing and come on so much.

Also reversals are totally normal at this age. They’ve spent their lives learning that a chair upside down or the other way round is still a chair, so it involves a huge brain shift to twig that a b and a d and p and a q are all different.

No! Just make it fun so he wants to try.
Learning is a lifelong skill, I’m still doing it, and enjoying now more than ever!
A very wise person told me many moons ago
“ every day’s a learning day”
I didn’t really understand what that meant until I reached my 40s . Now, honestly, every day’s a learning day!

I second all of this. Terrible spidery writing in reception and hated doing it. Now happily writing sentences. Sometimes completely unprompted. I wouldn't have believed this if you told me a year ago. Regret worrying about it In Reception now as clearly just needed more time for hand strength and language ability to develop.

Hands are not fully developed until around 13 put in lots of finger gym and strengthening activities like playdo have a Google for ideas