4 year old suspended

[notanothernamechange12]

My won started school on the 11th if Sep and was aggressive from day 1, he hasn't improved at all and this isn't behaviour he displays at home or has ever shown in preschool or with the childminder. He is one of the youngest he turned 4 leas than two months ago. Im at a loss what to do the school said they have done everything they can and they have done lots, he is with an adult all the time, has access to sensory room, various referrals including psychologist and OT but it all takes time

What do I do with w child who already says he hates school and the reason he gave for hitting a teacher today was "because I wanted to go home "

We have no family support, a six month old and I am working until 2am to accommodate the 1/3 length days put in place

So *

put him back at pre-school/with childminder.
it doesn’t sound as if he’s ready.

Has he been officially suspended?.You should have paperwork if so. A reduced timetable is an illegal exclusion. Sending him home when he plays up is counterproductive, the school need to find a way of managing his behaviour and incentivising good behaviour. If you take him out you may simply be kicking the underlying problem down the line rather than addressing it.

He showed no evidence of anger or physical lashing out at pre school at all?

Mine was the same ,diagnosed with autism age 4 ,and adhd and PDA.
some kids just can’t cope with school,and show that by lashing out
school need to apply for an EHCP so he can get help and a specialist school.

or you could wait and see
he is very young
He may settle down
we knew things were wrong because there was lots of indications things were not right with h8m ,he was headbanging on the wooden floor as a 6 month old baby ,he didn’t ever respond to his name ,we thought he was deaf ..
and the violence towards other children,siblings as well ,meant he could never be left alone .
school are not allowed to send him home because they can’t cope with him.
get the LEA involved if this keeps happening

Actually..mine at 4 wouldn’t have been able to say he was hitting because he wanted to go home .
his speech was delayed a lot ,your little man doesn’t sound like his speech is delayed if he can tell u why he was hitting.
even so ,is there a senco you could have a chat with ,he can’t be the first child the school have had problems with ,they must have some ideas how to manage him

Nope none at all in fact he was hurt by other children there

No he has hit all his milestones, great speech actually. So I don't know if it is sen of just he can't cope. He hasn't lashed out at his cousins or brothers at all or other adults like me and his gma etc it's literally started at school and has got progressively worse there

And yes we started a reduced timetable this week but he has been so disruptive this afternoon I was called to get him and given a suspension letter for tomorrow he isn't allowed back until Thursday

Might be worth contacting Sendias , they can advise on processes and how to push for assessment and support for him in the classroom. Also the inclusion officer at LA. It seems very early to exclude him.

I would advise an emergency meeting with the school (Headteacher and SENCO) to help to you understand what they have already put in place to support, and what their next steps are from here. I'm surprised this hasn't already been offered if they gave issued an exclusion.

Schools are so incredibly stretched with staff and funding these days. The system is broken. I understand how on the face of it an exclusion sounds as if they're washing their hands of your child but I hope in fact the opposite is true. An exclusion sends out an emergency cry for help as far as the school are concerned with outside agency help. The waiting lists are so incredibly long. An exclusion is them declaring that they cannot meet the needs of your child without additional support, and is in essence fast tracking those applications. They do have to prove they've tried all other options to support your child before issuing an exclusion though, so a meeting is definitely needed to establish the facts.

I appreciate it's horrific for you in the meantime but I certainly hope that's what their intentions are (fast tracking applications for support). If he's already on a reduced timetable and has constant 1-1 support while he's there (funded by the school, and therefore taking much needed support away from elsewhere) and he's still unmanageable and causing a danger to himself and others then they need outside agencies in to observe him asap so they can press forward with applications for assessments to support your child.

I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this as it is most unusual for a child to become violent overnight with no prior warning signs at home or in previous settings that they may be struggling with their emotions. I really hope you and the school can move forward together quickly on this one to support him with the transition but in the meantime I would definitely push for a meeting.

Good luck

I’d put him back in preschool and ask for a CSA reception start. Then work with whatever school he will go to next year to do a really staged and planned transition, possibly with help of other agencies if possible. Gives you all a bit of time and space to sort and support him and gives him longer to develop and be ready for school.

I wonder if it is the right school for him. Maybe it could be too structured and strict and has come as a shock to him. Are there any other local schools to look at as it seems odd he was fine before at pre school.

When is he 5? CSA is the term after his 5th birthday so he could go back to preschool until then. Maybe in the meantime look at other schools in the area or an alternative like home educating and how it might work in your situation.

Agree with PP go for a csa start.
My dd was similar with issues after week1 of school. And despite seeming to get better by y2. We are now from 10yo looking at asd/adhd assessment.
Dd was very ahead with speech and took to reading very fast.
However she did have a few issues at nursery. Flooded the bathroom etc.

School was very different and strict. The change from being able to play to being told off if not doing a particular activity and going to 60 kids...

You could do part time hours as well. If it could be tiredness

Sorry, I missed the bit earlier about him being summer born. In that case I would seriously consider withdrawing him for now, until compulsory school age, to see if it is a case of him simply not being ready yet, as you say this behaviour seems so out of character.

It could also be that a change of school is necessary, if this current one really isn't the right place for him. That's all assuming this really is an out of the blue unexpected turn of events. If you do have concerns deep down about his regulation, and violent outbursts (say if this happened to develop into something he starts struggling with at home too) I would push for further assessments anyway to ensure the best support possible for your child.

Good luck

Thank you for all your responses. There is a primary about 20 minutes away that is 1/3 of the size of his current one it's just one class per year. So that's a consideration. His current school is part of a cofe trust and wondering if that has some part to play.

Sounds really tough.

A few options - would it be better to take him out and send him to school next year, can you see him moving to being ready in the next few weeks and months? If not and you think it will take a year think about putting him back in pre-school given he is one of the youngest.

If you want to stick it out get school to put in place more support. They have a sensory room you mentioned, is that a quiet space he can go and spend time in when he needs? Could you/school get him noise cancelling headphones for when it is too much?

If you are doing part days, and have a little one, can you afford to take a few weeks career break so you can focus on getting this sorted and park work for a while - working till 2am and doing it all isn't sustainable!

So theres 90 kids in the year?

Sadly we are already on the bones of our arse I simply cannot afford to stop working

188 in smaller school vs 580 in his current school. The smaller school is a one form school as in one class per year

If he's honestly never shown any sign of unacceptable behaviour anywhere else then it sounds like the school is not right for him.

What's the set up of Reception? If it's a large multi-form entry are all the children in one communal area where they can access all the resources? I've done supply teaching in schools like that and found them hellish and some children also hate them. It could be that he'd do much better in a small school with a smaller classroom and a limited number of children to work and play with.

If I were you I would probably remove him from Reception and send him back to nursery then apply for a deferred Reception place for next year in the smaller school.

Have you told him he can't come home?

We had this situation. Extreme behaviour when our DS started school with no prior indications. He was expelled from a (private) pre-reception. He started a state school the following year, by which point we’d been to a paediatrician (privately) and we’d found he was autistic. He now has a 1-to-1 and the school are applying for an EHCP.

He’s a very clever, chatty young man who happens to hate chaos, fast-moving objects and loud noises - which happen in a busy primary-school classroom (but, largely, not elsewhere).

So, it happens… I’d look into possible SEN diagnosis.

In the meantime, the school need to put SEN support in place, even without a diagnosis; a short/partial timetable is illegal. It is not your DC’s fault if they can’t cope without accommodations - they are not trying to behave ‘badly’. My DS1, who has behavioural challenges in school, is an angel at home where he has fewer sensory triggers, much better behaved, helpful and politer than his (curse, grumble) neurotypical little brother.

Could yoh request help from a family support worker. Just one idea in a sea of many.