4 year old suspended

[notanothernamechange12]

My won started school on the 11th if Sep and was aggressive from day 1, he hasn't improved at all and this isn't behaviour he displays at home or has ever shown in preschool or with the childminder. He is one of the youngest he turned 4 leas than two months ago. Im at a loss what to do the school said they have done everything they can and they have done lots, he is with an adult all the time, has access to sensory room, various referrals including psychologist and OT but it all takes time

What do I do with w child who already says he hates school and the reason he gave for hitting a teacher today was "because I wanted to go home "

We have no family support, a six month old and I am working until 2am to accommodate the 1/3 length days put in place

Absolutely agree with deferring his entry into reception until CSA as other posters have said. Poor kid is obviously struggling hugely bless him and isn't ready.

I have an August boy, he started reception when he had just turned 5. It is the law in England for the parents to have this option (some local authorities more difficult than others about this). A year ago my son was not emotionally ready but another year at preschool and now he is thriving at school.

All the best with everything, sounds horrible for you 😞

My DD hit all her milestones and spoke in full complex sentences from quite young. She's still Autistic. The behaviour issues didn't start till she was 8 and even then just at home. Some children shut down at school when overwhelmed, others lash out. Mine always masked at school and lashed out at home to siblings and us, one had public meltdowns including at school but they stopped happening at school when he started first year of school himself.

This is more than just being young and not ready for school. He's completely overwhelmed by something about the school environment. It could be SEN or something like anxiety, but I think there's a good chance he's Autistic or has ADHD. I'm sorry you're all experiencing this right now, it's so hard seeing them overwhelmed and not knowing how to help them. It might take a while, anything to do with SEN tends to take forever, but you will get to a place where you understand better and can help him through this. Wishing you all the best.

Thank you for all your responses. Will update tomorrow after meeting with the school.

That's not going to work, now that he's found out how to get the school to send him home.

Hopefully the school will have some ideas about a way forward. Back to pre-school and a very carefully organised transition next year (whether to this school or a smaller one) sounds a good idea, if it can be arranged. But you could also do with getting to the root of the problem, so that if it is a case of some form of ND/SEN, steps can be taken towards a diagnosis.
In a way, a suspension this early is a way of signalling that there is a problem, and may make it easier for the school to get outside agencies involved.

I hope you manage to find a solution that works for him, and allows you to work.

Course he did. Just doesn’t want to mention that and prefers to blame someone else. Personally I say well done school, why should 29 kids be disrupted for the sake of one?

@notanothernamechange12 The Government guidance clearly says part time timetabling must not be used to manage behaviour. My first thought was to negotiate a later start for him in 2025.

Often larger schools do see more DC like this and are better at managing them. I always feel disheartened that a church school is willing, very quickly, to mine to a suspension. Although part time schooling is not a suspension. It’s just illegal for controlling behaviour. So much for all the good things church schools are meant to be!

Be careful, therefore, about thinking 1 class at a smaller school will be better. There will still be 30 Dc in the classroom so he won’t see a difference. You might also find they really aren’t good with disruption either and as above, some parents might not be either. You will hopefully make a decision you can live with. If the school reduces his learning you can use the complaints policy to complain.

Mine - move to a ……

Personally I say well done school, why should 29 kids be disrupted for the sake of one?

This is disturbing to read.

Oh dear. They've only had him 5 mins and they're suspending him? They can't have tried very much!

He sounds anxious and overwhelmed, I would definitely consider a school move, smaller might be more manageable and his current one don't sound helpful at all. Possibly think about an EHC needs assessment application if it continues.

Because he turned 4 two months ago and probably has special needs. No one is saying his behaviour is acceptable least of all me and his Dad but he still deserves help, an education and to be part of society.

We have decided we are taking him out and will do a very slow introduction next year. This school didn't do a phased start he went in full days straight away and is clearly not emotionally or socially ready for school. Means surviving on 4-5 hours sleep a night during the week so I can work but you can do anything for like a year right 🤣 just seems the best option for him

&Because he turned 4 two months ago and probably has special needs. No one is saying his behaviour is acceptable least of all me and his Dad but he still deserves help, an education and to be part of society.*

Absolutely. You are spot on. I think you've made a good decision and best of luck. He's lucky to have you as his parents.

If he was ok at nursery he might not be SEN. He might just not be ready for school which isn’t quite the same thing. At least you now have time to prepare and phasing in sounds better for him. Is he going back to nursery?? Ask if they can do more EY curriculum with him. Are you getting any assessments done? Is he going back into y1? If so, he will need more prep for this.

Luckily for us my mother in law and aunt are primary school teachers, one at a sec school so they are going to do things with him weekly and provide me with resources to also do some home schooling. Going to see if his preschool will have him back too.

@notanothernamechange12 I think going back to pre school is vital. There must be EY qualified staff there who will be able to “teach” the EY curriculum.

My DDs had visits from pre school to school for familiarization and meeting teachers. Also the teachers came to pre school. I would make sure he can do this. I would sort out if he’s going back to YR or Y1 though. That’s important.

My little one turned 4 yo exactly 5 months ago and I still believe he isn't ready for reception but now has started and its touch and go. Some kids aren't ready and need another year.

@TizerorFizz Genuinely, you don’t know. My autistic DS was fine at a forest (outdoor) nursery. No concerns raised about him at all except for a slight speech delay that resolved quickly.

He also started school (initially) at four. Very small school with small class sizes, but no SEND provision. He was expelled for behavioural issues within a few weeks… returned to his nursery where he was again… no trouble.

He started another school (again) a year later, aged five. At his current school, which is massive with a huge SEN infrastructure, he not only needs a 1-to-1, but he can also only be in the classroom 40% of the time (up from 20% last year) and has his own desk set up outside the classroom, a trampoline and custom timetable. The school are currently applying for an EHCP. They tell me his support needs are ‘extreme’.

Throughout this whole palaver, he’s been no trouble at all at home. He is the ‘well-behaved sibling’.

Thus, I live in a weird parallel world where I have a chatty, funny, smart, ordinary kid at home who gets treated like he’s severely disabled everywhere else. Every time we interact with the council bureaucracy about his SEN support (around school), they send us loads of flyers about family counselling, respite care, carer’s allowance and support groups.

It’s utterly… well, baffling. He’s a poster child for the social model of disability. I’m sure, if he lived on a farm in the 15th century, there wouldn’t be anything ‘wrong’ with him.

I don't know why MN are so hellbent and determined to put a label on children. Avoid SENCO and all the other nonsense.

He's one of the youngest and probably isn't ready yet. His days could be too long and he can't manage it just yet.

I'd speak with school as exclusion seems a little dramatic. Maybe reduced hours and gradually increasing as you see fit?

And if in a year's time he's still not ready, and the OP has wasted a year when assessments could have been done and support investigated? While surviving on 5 hours sleep, trying to home educate and keep her job?

I hate the way people say "label" when it's to do with the brain.

Ooh no don't investigate measles/asthma/diabetes (said no-one ever). Probably just grow out of them. Don't want a "label".

He is very young to be at school - just take him out.

Your son sounds like he is emotionally not ready for school and all the rules.
Physically it would be taxing too
Leave him home to play for another year.

Without reading the whole thread:

1. Pull him out of school. He is clearly not ready. You need to deregister him by this Thursday (school census day) to retain nursery funding.
2. Join the Facebook group Flexible Admissions for Summerborn Children and you'll get some great advice there for applying for a delayed entry into Reception at Compulsory School Age, which is next September. THis is not automatic - the relevant admissions authority will make the decision, but you would have a strong case given issues you've already had. You will also need to reapply for school places once you have agreements from the schools you want to apply for, for your child to be admitted into Reception next Sept.