DS7 refuses to read or do anything that resembles schoolwork at home- help!

[Jazzyjulia]

He is swiftly falling behind at school and can barely read at all, when he has an (occasional) interest in putting the work in, he does really well, but now, in Y3, he is getting worksheets sent home over the weekend as well as daily reading and he refuses to do ANY of it!
Ive tried everything, gentle cajoling, begging, bribing, threatening. He just will not co-operate, which is silly because on the odd occasion that he does, he always says "I really enjoyed that, Mummy"!
I've tried really hard to reason with him without getting cross and to make things fun and light, but it's so hard when I can see that if he just put in 10 minutes a day- his school life would be so much easier!
He is probably picking up on my frustration/ borderline panic but when he refuses point blank, it's very hard to disguise frustration.
He also has every trick in the book to delay- "Just let me finish this game, Just let me catch my breath/ scratch my foot/ yawn, have a massive, forced coughing fit out of nowhere" or he starts to negotiate- "I will read one page" etc.
School are putting in extra time to help him but he pulls the same tricks there and they are starting to struggle with him, he has been assessed for ADHD/ ASD and all negative, and if he WANTS to do something (Minecraft, play etc) he CAN give things his full attention.
I'm at my wits end and any tips/ strategies would be gratefully received.

With reading, at that age, I stopped making mine read school books and we read at home. Beano, Wimpy Kid, fact books, encyclopaedias etc. I’d focus on getting him to read stuff he loves and then focussing on school books later.

for homework it can be hard but we manage expectations. “At 10am we’ll sit down and do English worksheet. Once that’s done we’ll do X fun thing” then the next day same for maths. We also still do countdown, so. 15 min warning, and 5 min warning before we sit down for work. Then all devices are down. I’ll sit with my book while he works, or do some household admin etc and we’ll work at the same time.

Not making a big deal out of it is most important. It’s primary. I see these years as the chance to learn these skills over time, not be able to do them immediately.

I figured out with mine he was worried about getting things wrong so just didn’t want to do any of it. I could work with that alongside his teacher.

good luck.

Some kids are like this and there is zero you can do.
Thats not to say don’t try, but maybe focus on practical learning vs academia. Hands on, and outdoor experiences, travel etc.

My son was just like this in year 3 but would not write anything in class either. We were all at our wits end. Actually my son is a very practical, outdoors learner and we needed to back off with the pressure. He was finding it too difficult so just stopped. He came round when the pressure was off.
He’s big now and done his GCSEs and did really well if that gives you any hope?

I recommend following Julie Bogart from Brave Learner on Instagram. She runs a home ed business in America, but after raising 5 DC has lots of brilliant advice, even if you're not homeschooling. She has really changed my approach to learning. E.g. changing the environment can help engagement...so let's do your work sheet in the tree house today. Let's make some brownies (practicing weights and measures etc) and then eat them while working on your English workbook. Need to learn times tables, stand on the sofa and when you get to 12 x whatever, shout blast- off and jump off. Workbooks are boring. Sometimes you need to enchant the experience.

Okay this is an expensive option and possibly impractical for your situation, but my older one went through this as well. He loves going to Costa coffee for their hot chocolate and there is one near the school so I would take him there after school order him a hot chocolate and we would sit and go through his worksheets and then go home for an evening uncluttered by school work.

It turned homework into a fun event rather than a chore. It worked pretty well for us (and now even though he has ADHD he can zone out of background noise and into homework when he needs to, which is useful).

But like I said- it gets quite pricey!

Out of interest, when was he assessed for ASD and ADHD? He is quite young, how long was he on the NHS pathway for and who suggested it? Or was he assessed privately?

What time of day are you doing this?
My DD was much better when we did things before school, so all reading and spellings were done then. Homework was done first thing Saturday.

Presumably you have tried bribes/rewards/with-holding electronics?

OTOH My DD turned out to have dyslexia, dyspraxia and slow processing. A lot of the time she didn't want to do HW because it was just very hard for her.

When he was in reception, the teacher flagged him for possible SEN, so he's seen pads, ed psych, cahms, OT, hearing and eyes.
I think they have to be a little older to properly asses for Dyslexia so could re-investigate this, but as I said, when he tries he flies! He just doesn't want to and is incredibly stubborn. However, he would apply himself to Minecraft for hours on end if I let him!

Thanks for the responses, some helpful ideas.
One of the issues is that we live 25 mins from school, so leave early and get home about 3.45, he's pretty tired both ends of the day.
@ValkyrieAssassin love the sound of this- would be a definite novelty!
@JCWiatt I will check this out, I think he would respond a lot better if it wasnt all worksheets and books- but I'm not very creative!

Do you read to him everyday? It's the best way to get a child interested in reading. Take him to the library and get him to choose some books. School books can be tedious as hell.

I would have a routine for him after school every day - if he has ASD/is ND this will be particularly helpful. Something like - arrive home, he has a drink and snack while you read him a bit of a story, then he plays for 20 minutes to decompress, then you sit down and do 20 minutes of work together and only then is he allowed to go on minecraft for half an hour or whatever.

Thanks @itsmyp4rty, I've just been googling early reader graphic novels to read to him as a lot of the books I read to him are quite babyish and, you're right, probably bore him to tears. So I've just downloaded a few to the kindle.
Also think the routine sounds like plan. Thanks

What are peoples thoughts on audiobooks for the car- Do audiobooks help create a love of reading or is it just telly without pictures?!

I think audio books are good. Not as good as reading, but better than nothing.

DD listened to audio books for years, they helped improve her vocabulary and understanding of more complex sentences etc. She never read Roald Dahl but had a whole set of CDs of his books.

He also has every trick in the book to delay- "Just let me finish this game, Just let me catch my breath/ scratch my foot/ yawn, have a massive, forced coughing fit out of nowhere" or he starts to negotiate- "I will read one page" etc.
School are putting in extra time to help him but he pulls the same tricks there and they are starting to struggle with him, he has been assessed for ADHD/ ASD and all negative, and if he WANTS to do something (Minecraft, play etc) he CAN give things his full attention.
I'm at my wits end and any tips/ strategies would be gratefully received.

1. homework straight after school. There is no game to finish before doing schoolwork. There is no play until homework is done. There is no room for negotiation. That is just how the routine is now. And that's it - setting a routine where that's the normal pattern.

2. find a way of making what he does either be in line with what he likes or he gets a reward for doing homework, which gives him something he likes. Pokémon cards or Minecraft time are great motivators in our house. Minecraft time HAS to be earnt. It is not just a default playtime activity.

3. reading. Find the right books. Dogman, Bunny v Monkey, the Bad Guys - all really popular with the boys in DSs class - particularly the more hyperactive kids. Dogman was popular from yr1 and still is in yr4. It's not babyish. Bunny v Monkey is the next step up. And the Bad Guys probably the one up from that. From there they've all started to graduate to books with a few more words, though they still like the cartoons. I've just got a graphic novel version of Alex Rider for DS which he's loving (yr4).

And actually if he likes Minecraft get a Minecraft adventure book! There are also Minecraft maths and English homework books available. Or just get him reading Minecraft how to books.

Consider alternative non-fiction choices too - ASD kids often prefer non-fiction. And you can get cartoon heavy non-fiction books.

4. set reading time before bedtime. Playtime is over - you either get to read or you go to sleep early.

I should say DS is being assessed for ADHD.

Second the recommendation for Julie Bogart for practical tips to inspire kids to read and write. Her instagram is know as Brave Learner I think.

my dd was similar,
can you ask school's advice?
are there board games which might be have writing.
can he write a diary, or your lists? for shopping etc,

Get rid of the screens and do homework in between main course and pudding. Assuming there’s time before bath and bed let him watch some tv.

I use audio books alot. The Dcs have a 35 minute school commute each way so I pop on an audio book Got through Horrid Henry, The Lion The Witch and The Wardrobe, the Railway children and Tom's midnight garden that way.

Both mine love reading now. 13 and 11. My 13 year old also has autism and books are his current special interest. Which considering the struggles I had when he was young was unexpected!

My daughter is very similar. Her teacher last year at parents evening said when she's interested in a topic she's exceptional at it but when she's not it's very hard to engage her. No SEN that we're aware of. Homework can be an absolute battlefield. We have always read to and with her at home since she was a baby and enjoyed it. I think part of it is that she was in P1 when lockdown began so she associates homework with home school during that period which was very stressful all round.
She loves history so we bought the box set of horrible histories books and she also enjoys graphic novels like Dogman so reads a lot of those at home and has a subscription to the Phoenix comic. Maths homework remains a bit of a stumbling block.

What @RedToothBrush said.

Especially -
Homework immediately after getting home from school.
No Minecraft until it's done - Minecraft and all other pleasant activities must be earned by doing required homework.

Ignore the boring school reading schemes. There's a lot more out there.

Try to incorporate more than just graphic novels into his reading though. He will have to read and write sentences and paragraphs at some point. Avoidance isn't an option.
Suggestions:
Sounder
Shiloh
Where the Red Fern Grows
The Incredible Journey

Be very firm. Expect a serious amount of pushback. Do not give in.

I would say, no reading no screen. They need to do their work and reading before screen time. I enforced this rule also during the summer, as the kids watched more tv and I set them certain things they had to do first otherwise no screen. They always did it. For example 30 mins reading a book for pleasure or a worksheet etc.

What about reading something short, like a comic, or getting him to write his own? Or ask him to write the shopping list out for you and write down the meal plan he'd like for the week, based on foods you usually cook? (I know you said reading is the issue, but if he will write regularly, that may help.)

If you leave early and get home late, what about doing a bit of spelling or reading on the way to/from school? (Ask him to read out the street signs or make up new words using the letters from a sign you pass; or draw a map of the quickest route to school, including street names.) I used to do this with my DS's multiplication table. It was a real pain in the backside to do it at home, but didn't seem such a drag to do a few sets on the walk to school.

I really doubt that ten minutes work a day would actually make that much difference at school. There’s very little evidence for benefits to homework in primary and lots of evidence of problems that it causes.

You can do other things - take him for a walk and chat about what he learned in school. There are maths opportunities lurking everywhere. Reading can be looking for the toilet sign in the shopping centre or his favourite ice cream flavour on the menu.

Minecraft is brilliant - get him to teach you if he hasn’t already. You might be surprised what he’s learning.

I would say get into the habit of books being fun, and then work on more text based books. If books are no longer daunting and look like walls of text he should come around to more text based ones anyway. Hence, why I say just get a minecraft book of any kind to give you that type of in.

The comic style book I mentioned do have a natural progression to more text anyway (I forgot to mention 'Investigators' which is another series worth looking at). And the good bit about Dogman and Bunny v Monkey is many of the supermarkets stock them and they are cheap as a result.

Moving on from that things DS and his classmates have liked (his class are WILD and there is a high incidence of SEN).

storey treehouse series (Andy Griffiths and Terry Denton)
mr penguin series (Alex T Smith)
Captain Underpants (Dav Pilkey - same author as Dogman, but more text based).
The cartoons that came to life (Tom Ellen)
Agent Weasel (Nick East)

non-fiction i'd recommend something like
a day in the life series - theres three now; one about a gnu and poo, one about history - caveman, a queen and everything in between and a space one.
and then something which is like 100 facts about x.
DS has 100 things to know about the human body and another one in the same series about space.

We've also trawled a second hand book shop and recently picked up a couple of books about star wars - one is a book about starwars craft.

It really doesn't matter WHAT he's reading about. It could be a bloody car manual - its just getting him into the habit of reading.

And thats why I stress the routine and using what his 'natural motivators' are to get him to read.

Its easier for him to make excuses if there isn't a routine where you can say "this isn't the time for playing, this is designated time for homework / reading". Get into the routine and it will be much easier because he will KNOW that he has to do x and if he does x he gets the thing he really wants.

Giving him free access to minecraft 'just because' is your downfall here. Use that motivator!

I don't think the homework makes a difference academically at primary. But if you have a ND kid, I do think the routine and setting out habits in primary school even for those 10 minutes is really valuable for later on. Its about the discipline and expectation and motivators not the actual learning.

This might not be as important for other kids. But it means there is less of a battle to be had later down the line for ND kids.