How do I help my daughter year 3

[notahappybunny7]

i have a bright and able little girl but unfortunately she is a bit lazy. As far as school goes, she is hitting all expected targets so their concentration is on less able pupils and she is being left to do a lot of work independently. I’m not really happy with this, obviously. If she isn’t exceeding then surely she should be getting teacher/ta input more? It doesn’t seem fair. I’m prepared to help, tutor, extra curricular, etc but getting her to read, practice a bit of maths/spelling is an absolute nightmare. I’m talking 5 minutes here and there, I’m not chaining her to a desk. I know she’s young that’s why I don’t want to force her but I need to install a work/study ethic.

Even little things like she is perfectly able to use a knife and fork but she just can’t be arsed, drives me mad.

whats the best approach??

I would worry less about the basics and find things she’s really interested in to engage with.

She’s really interested in gymnastics. We do that, but again, she doesn’t want to strive for anything or do much more than the minimum.

So I’d seek out watching gymnastics on TV, talk about the scoring system (good opportunity to talk decimals), making fact sheets about different equipment/famous gymnasts and stuff. From a science perspective talk about defying gravity, what causes flexibility in the body how you train to get it etc. All of that would be so much more enriching than practising the year 3 common exception words or whatever!

That sounds good but not sure she’d do all that! She just wants to play all the time usually imaginative play which I think she’s a bit old for.

She is not too old for imaginative play at all. Imaginative play is how children make sense of the world. It allows them to discover new scenarios in a safe way. It lets them explore language and feelings.

She’s not too old to be pretending to be a baby? None of her peers seem to be doing this.

Also what do I do when she refuses to read or practice spellings? Just let her not do it.

Children mature and learn life skills at different ages. I would avoid comparison.
If she enjoys imaginative play maybe see if there's something like a theatre group or drama club she could join?
If she's hard to motivate with extra curricular stuff just find what she likes right now. Reading is by far the best area to concentrate on - but she needs to get something out of it - maybe audiobooks, or watch a film (based on a story) and then pick favourite bits out in a book, or song?
Reading and writing for the sake of it is boring. But think about other ways to practice - DD used to write registers for her make believe school, if she watched a film with friends they would make a whole game out of it - with a shop and poster etc,

Does she have any difficulty with fine motor skills? The knife and fork thing might not be laziness.

No, it’s sheer can’t be bothered.

Ok this is good. She does attend a drama group but she is definitely not one of those children who wants to be front and centre, which is fine but doesn’t make it helpful.

she loves Matilda and has written lots of scripts etc for this, her spelling does tend to consist of quite silly mistakes example want spelt whant and when wen. When this is pointed out she does correct it.

She was an exceeding reader since early in reception (couldn’t read before starting school) ended year 2 on lime band bit with expected for reading. Whole other thread.

Expected is fine - children don't always stay in exactly the same place. Could be a change in teacher, harder books, but there's going to be a gap between levels that children have to learn.
Similarly to drama- it's ok that she's not front and centre, she's still taking part.
I wouldn't worry too much about correcting her spelling either, it will come and reading especially is very good for this as children learn what words look like. DD wrote some almost unintelligible things where she had heard a word but didn't know how to write it so had a good try. Imagine words like yatch and unicorn 😁😁

Expected is totally fine! Exceeding is just that - more than one would expect for the age. She sounds exactly in the right place.

Is it fine when you’re capable of better? She seems to be completely stagnating and the teachers are just not interested. As long as she’s doing the required minimum no one is bothered. I wonder how far “fine” will get you in the job market in 20 years.

@notahappybunny7 what if she isn't capable of "better"?

You're risking putting her off learning altogether.

If it makes you feel any better, my first DS was expected in everything throughout primary and is now on track for top grades in all his GCSEs. We just kept enjoying books, drawing, talking etc.

so your kid is happy, likes to play, like gymnastics and drama, is writing scripts (at what..7/8?) but because she doesnt fit your definition of 'success in 20 yrs' or whatever, you want to push her to be something which works for you but not for her?

sorry this is not nice to hear but you need to stop this pressure and think about your child's personality and what works for them, rather than pushing onto her some outdated idea in your head (maths and spellings etc) about what will make her exceed.

ask yourself if you are trying to project your own crap on your kid or not. you probably 'mean well' but you need to see what fits her personality and try to actually figure out what she wants to do and encourage her in those areas. she will thank you when she is older.

Yes, that’s how it sounds but it’s not like that at all.

Im trying to help her, you do not pick up things as fast as she has and then just stop. I don’t think she is getting enough attention in class, I’ve had to pull her teacher up on stuff she should’ve noticed and been told that she is doing work independently when in maths for example, having looked at her books, there’s a significant number of mistakes. She needs some more input! I’ve been through this with them and to be honest, it’s an awfully big cliquey school and she is way down the list when the teachers have dealt with their friends kids. I’m completely fobbed off.

Also regarding reading, she won’t practice, how can we just keep reading when she won’t?

My daughter is also year 3 and loves imaginary play. She can also be lazy and reading can be a chore - I think it’s very normal. I find if we read a page each that helps her or if we go to the library and she chooses her own books instead of just the ones from school that’s also good too. Sometimes she doesn’t really read it but just skims it and looks at the pictures- that’s fine too. It’s building up that interest in her books.
if your daughter is writing scripts that’s amazing! Maybe she could practise typing them out so they look professional and she will practise her spellings this way too

Sorry misunderstanding there, she is writing scripts , just writing out the words of the songs in Matilda etc. she isn’t making it up herself.

Good idea re typing though

hi OP, if the teacher is not doing something, have you raised with school formally? is this state or pvt? also, hasnt school literally just started. are you being too quick to judge?

for reading, have you tried kid books on topics she likes. matilda facts or on famous gymnasts? then u can offer to read to her? dont push her to read...you do it but with her.

sorry my post was harsh.

Hey, it’s state and the school community is very tight knit . Teachers and especially ta’s friends with lots of parents, those parents kids getting all certificates, places on limited after school clubs, you get the picture. Little point saying anything to the head, you get fobbed of but I’ll be making a note of any incidents this year.

However I do like the year 3 teacher and hopefully it will be different than last year which is what I’m referring to.

my daughter hit reception running and then tailed off year 1 and year 2 with the teachers not pushing her like reception had and I didn’t do anything except a bit of reading and spelling as I thought she was too young. But she is really coasting and I don’t want her to be in those habits, I just want the best for her.

see how it goes with new teacher but think you will have to do extra stuff at home.

When you mention gymnastics, does your DD try hard at this, or does she just attend and do the bare minimum?

With the exception of the script writing, you’re describing a lot of my DS who’s also just started Y3. He was way ahead in reading in reception and year 1, now he’s probably average. He loves to play - Lego mainly. He attends clubs like football but does the bare minimum there.

My DS actually has ADHD, and very likely dyspraxia. He had an assessment for the latter which scored him on the 2nd centile for his motor skills, I was really shocked as he has been riding a bike since age 4, swimming since age 5, he can dress himself, was wiping his own bum earlier than lots of his peers. But clearly, a lot of things take him extra effort than his peers. He struggles with knife and fork - it looks lazy when he picks a whole sausage up whole on his fork and eats it that way! But he really does struggle.

Could any of this be true for your DD?

I think my DS also has a lazy nature and that’s probably separate and it’s hard to know what’s laziness and what’s due to his neurodivergence.