5yr old son + phonics + not getting the silent letters = mummy wishing to beat herself with big sticks!!!!!!

[Psychomum5]

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I cannot do this anymore.........

trying to read with my 5yr old, yr1 son, who is not the slightest teensy bit interested in reading, words, letters even and hates school, makes for a very very frustreted mummy, who is trying SOOOOOOOO hard not to yell and scream and shout and tantrum, and would rather beat with sticks (me that is), or even poke my eyes with red-hot needles!!!!

I am trying to be a good mummy.....I reaaly really am, but please.....who needs phonices when c-o-m-e then makes for a word sounding like CUMMEY, he doesn;t get that t-h-e makes the, he thinks it makes Ta-he.......and then we get the word Giant.......which he says with a hard G, and then with an ant on the end......

phonics is PANTS, nothing makes sense, and I don;t want to shout and scream at him anymore, but how the hell else can I get him to 'get it', when the school insist upon them.....???????

ok, rant over, but help please.....or inject my son with the 'click' that he needs to suddenly understand.

Oh, and while your'e at it, please explain to him that telling the teacher that you are 'bored' is not funny.....it is embarrassing to your mummy!

erm I sympathise but those words are not phonic and you shouldnt be treating them as phonic?

come is a tricky example because it's irregular

you have your tricky words that try to catch you out .. you have to just know these

you have your blending letters that make different sounds .. t plus h = th ... there are hand signals to remember (have a look at jolly phonics website / speak to teacher and ask for a lesson) again phonic building blocks that you need to learn

and then you have

yer magic e .. which you put at the end of the word and it makes the vowel say its name .. like name ... nam plus magic e .. says nAme

Sympathis, Psycho.

I thnk it was about this time last year - possibley earlier - that I told DS's teacher we would not be doing any more attempetd reading practice at home as it was misery all round and putting DS off the whole idea.

Luckily she agreed - said keep reading to him especially books he is interested in (i,e non-stop dinosaurs and astronomy).

He is now reading confidently.

Your DS is young in Yr 1 and a boy. The magic in the 'click' is time.

And also, reading the book to them before asking them to read it. Sounding out every damn word is tirture and discouraging for them. A read thorugh and then letting them read half from memory but with phonic 'prompts' is much more encouraging. imo and ime.

I have two who can read now (Dd5, Ds4).
She thrived on phonics and he sight reads.
He could not grasp the point of phonics at all and simply learns the words and doesn't often forget.
He started spelling simple ones like c-a-t, but for go, me & come he just learned them.
Why not see if another approach works for him, a word tin perhaps. If it's frustrating for you it must be torture for him. On the other hand he simply not be ready for it and if left for a little while he may choose to pick it up of his own accord and away he goes. Good luck!

I asked the teacher.....said that he also seems to feel the need to SPELL EVERY SINGLE WORD, and queried the way they teach phonices.

seems that some children DO get the words blending, and the silent E, and even understand that they don;t have to SPELL everything out........my son however doesn;t, which kinds of negates my rant I know, as it is more my son that is finding it hard rather than the system per se.....but tis only my 5yro who has been taught with phonic's.....my girls were taght reading in a different way (different school too which may explain why), and even my 7yo was not given phonic's either........and it is only my 5yo who doesn;t get it.

word tin sounds a good plan (if I havent't tortured myself first), the jolly phonics website will be worth a look, and in the meantime I may go with Blu's advice and drop home reading and go back to reading for fun, and the many Charlie and Lola books we have.....which MUMMY loves especially.

and in the meantime, get a big stick just in case....

In words like Giant and teach etc I say this to ds:

2 vowels together not the same - the first vowel says its name.

(Jolly phonics also have a little rhyme for this, but I can never remember it).

Of course like all rules, it only gets you so far and am currently trying to explain to ds why "bread" is not "breead" according to the rules I have given him.

So sympathise with the desire to rant and rave at someone. Ds is so bored with the whole thing, he is quite capable of reading "come" as "this" just because they were on the same page on his key words list.

see........we had the key words list, but that was last term and he actually learnt the owrds, or rather, memorised them on the actual list.

give him a book with them in, and he magically forgets, or doesn;t seem to recognise the same word in different type, or even same type, same book, different pages.....

rant rant rant......

My DD hates phonics, says it's slow and boring.
I do Ladybird key words with her (Peter and Jane) as you just learn the words by sight and see them over and over. Very un-PC as Jane and Mummy cook while Peter and Daddy build rabbit hutches (!!!) but it introduces a new word every few pages and repeats them over and over so when they see the word they just KNOW it by sight. This way they can read many pages quite quickly and it really boosts confidence. I hate Jolly Phonics, 5 new words every damn page and DC is saying "this story is so DULL, this isn't proper reading." I do "proper" reading because I do not spelll out every word, therefore DC thinks spelling out every word is not the way to go.
It is not uncommon for children to see a word on one page and read it perfectly and see it 5 mins later and get it wrong. It needs endless repetition.
I would also recommend the red nose readers by Alan Ahlberg and they are FUNNY and very simple at first and repeat the same word over again.
I read them to DD who then looks at the pages as we go through agains seeing if she can spot words.
I also use the software "jump ahead" reading and there are free reading/word games sites on the net. Then the child cans it on their own and try out sounds.
John Holt wrote a book "how children learn" where he discusses pattern recognition etc. I rember when every 4 legged animal in a house was "cat" and every 4 legged animal in a field was "cow" and all birds were "birdie" now of course she can tell the difference between species and knows "heron" "robin" "duck" etc. Because I am a keen bird watcher and point them out constantly. I reckon DC was exposed to word "cat" about 200 times before she recognised it every single time. Some children just click with reading and some don't and I also think phonics is crap for some learning styles, it is so clunky. I mean what if you said "ah look, in that field is a quadpruped, which is black and white, though it actually could be many other colours, and it has an udder and goes moo and chews grass so it's a cow", you would not do this you would say "oh look, a cow" and after they ahve seen 50 cows in a field they know it's a cow instantly, it's the same with words.

But it could be worse, a friend taught her child to read from 18 months and now he has a reading age of 9 but he can't understand the words he reads as his comprehension is about age 3. So what is the point? Reading is not the be all and end all and I would definitely look at different schemes and remember it takes AGES to recognise a word pattern. Also, the more you get frustrated the more stressed the child gets (I was the same you see!!!!) They also do "magnetic letters" and "words" for reception which you might consider getting so he gets used to letter patterns.

wow miggsie.....fab advice...thankyou

and I had forgotten all about the 'peter and jane' books....tis how DD1 learnt to read, with me helping calmly (unlike with her brothers), and I have still got them. will have to hunt them down and try them with him......if nothing else, they are going to be different and so interesting for a short while.

ho hum.........one day it'll work out, and then there will be all the homework and the rant for that!

I find the teaching methods quite odd at dd's school. She's in Reception and on one hand she's learning phonics and comes home with a list of phonemes and digraphs to learn (which actually really help her read a lot of words). Then on the other she learns words by sight and isn't supposed to decode them. And finally words like 'giant' she is encouraged to read by associating it with the picture in the book.

I find it baffling. But luckily for me she's doing fine with it and seems to have adapted to the various schemes.

She will suddenly do weird things like read 'a' as 'the' and vice versa.

I went whole hog on this as I didn't understand how the phonics thing would work with this being my first child in school.

He came home singing "a a ants on my arm" and when I was in Early Learning Centre they had a book and a CD with all the songs on so I got it so I knew what he was trying to sing. We used to have it on in the back ground when we ate breakfast or tea. It was because I couldn't understand how you would teach "A" and "a" sounds!

I also bought a set of magnetic words that your child should know by the end of reception year that live on my fridge and I have magnetic letters on the fridge like most parents and tend to just spell out words but I don't point them out to him he sees them and sounds them out, they are usually words that he has just learnt.

We read 3 books a week given to us by school, and some words I say "sound out" and others I say you just have to learn them. But I can tell when he is struggling and just give him the answer, it takes the pressure off and means the reading is more fun. He reads the book about 3 times before it goes back to school to be changed.

Also talk to the teacher, we are given extra stuff to do at home that helps him understand what he is learning.

Hi

I do not know if would be of any use but we bought the Jolly Phonics book with the CD from e-bay. DD loves having it on and not only does it have the single letters in it it also does 'letter' together sounds. DD relates back to this when she struggles with a word she has to break down.

Good luck, remember all kiddies are different.

If it is of any help... Starfall is an interactive website for children, which does phonics. It is American, but it is useful for encouraging children to read.
Details of which Starfall pages are for Silent E

Not sure it will help, but could be worth him exploring.

Take the pressure off.Reading is supposed to be enjoyable!Then I bet he will relax and will come to it.Also,maybe he was bored

oooh.......more replies......thankyou

I am going to for now ignore reading, well, at least the 'school reading', and just go with books we both know and love. He needs to see reading as fun and enjoyable and not a chore he has to endure.

and that way I will also not get tense and so maybe make him phobic about it all.

I will suss out the two phonics websites mentioned here, go buy some more magnetic letters as I think ours have been eaten by the fridge, and hope and pray for him to click

oh, and try to beat him with sticks, explain to him nicely that telling the teacher that he is 'bored now', is NOT the way to his teachers heart..... and !

I agree with other posters and would definitly recommend the Jolly Phonics CD plus the DVD is excellent too, espeially if combined with the finger phonics book.

Your Y1 child should not be exposed to words like 'giant' if he has not learnt the relevant rules - that is the problem with so much 'so called' phonics teaching - they use the ORT books which are designed for sight reading so children cannot read them and get demorilised .I know - my dd nearly gave up at 4 becasue she was told to guess and hates being wrong so after a couple of wrong guesses was in tears! She is very rules orientated and once she learnt all the rules using JP she flew and now at 6 is reading the Famous Five.

The Jelly and Bean books are excellent for building confidence as they are based on phonics with only a few tricky words. Definitley do not force things but try and make it fun, and for boys active. My mother used to write little instructions for ds like 'run to the door' or give him a piece of paper to put on the correct object on a table at the other side of the room so he was moving about and loved it. I have read about another fun game where one person shouts out a (simple) word and the other players (ds and daddy helps) have to be the first to jump on that word written on a large sheet of paper on the ground with lots of others (hope that makes sense).

Also giving him books he is interested in will help - my ds magically read much more complicated books when they were about transformers! Comics are also a good resource and boys often respond well to non fiction books.

Good luck

I teach Year 1 so maybe I can offer a bit of insight from a teacher's pov. Firstly, all Key Stage 1 children now have to do 20 minutes of Phonics every day. Please believe me that in 99.9% of cases, this has made a vast difference to the reading skills of children in our school. Children are much more confident to read and write earlier and have gathered the necessary skills to do this. We use the an Interactive Whiteboard programme called Fast Phonics First which is good. Personally I hate Jolly Phonics, but that is just a personal thing. If phonics is taught properly then children should be taught the phonemes and letter sounds alongside each other. In addition to that they should be taught that some words cannot be sounded out and just have to be learnt. These are known as Tricky Words. I send Tricky Words home as word cards to learn and the children also have these words as spellings to reinforce them. If your son is really hating reading then I would agree with others, lay off it a bit. He should be doing Guided Reading at school and presumably someone is listening to read once a week or so. Reading really should be pleasurable and if it is a chore he will be turned off for a long time. There is some good advice here about words/ letters on the fridge etc. You can get thoe little magnetic whiteboards now as well and most children seem to love making words on those.
Good luck!

That's a really helpful post AbbyLou. I think dd's teacher is doing pretty much what you said and I really do think that the phonics combination of letters and combined letter sounds has suited dd to the ground. I also hate Jolly Phonics, horrible aesthetics, way too American-seeming for me.

My personal favourite books to read with dd are the ORT 'snapdragons' range which aren't all Biff, Chip & Co. but individual stories by different authors with really quite nice pictures. Like real little books. If you buy the pack of 6 titles for whatever level your child is at you also get a book of 'teaching notes' which gives you all kinds of advice on what to help with, how to get the most out of each book.

This booklet has a really useful section about 'silent letters' plus lots more of interest to people teaching children to read;

www.sounds-write.co.uk/documents/spelling_theory_and_lexicon.pdf

Lots of good advice on here so I won't even try to re-invent the wheel but I would just say Psycho that if he is bored then the teacher needs to know! Different children click with different things and the teacher needs to know that what she is doing is not clicking with your DS for whatever reason.

And he's only 5. Lots of children aren't anywhere near reading at 5. My ds wasn't - he wasn't even remotely interested. Loved being read to - wouldn't play ball with reading himself at all. Teacher told me she had to stop her habitual "Would you like to come and do some reading?" requast with him becsue he always said "No thank you!" I did a bit at home but only when he wanted to - but I did read to him loads.

He's7 now and in year 2 and can read Harry Potter by himself. So don't worry about it. Leave it for now - it'll come.

Ds was over 6.5 before he "clicked" - school told us not to worry as many boys are not yet developmentally ready until they are 6.

He is now nearly 7.5 and although not a good reader (will still just take wild guesses at big words he doesn't know), will go and seek out the Sports section fro the Satruday and Sunday papers to read about the football games he is interested in.

PMSL about telling the teacher he is "bored" - but maybe she needs to hear it!

tis very nice to see that everyone is telling me to lay off a bit and relax, and then it will come.

I was thinking that I was going to turn into a bad bad mummy because that is exactly what I was wanting to do, but felt that I should be getting much more involved and that would be what he was needing IYGWIM.

to be advised what my gut tells me is great! (for him too, as he will have 'relaxed' mummy again rather than the raghry mummy of late)

and yes, I have to admit, him telling the teacher he is bored is kind of funny I have to admit, but then, tis also very embarrassing when the teacher is clearly so NOT AMUSED.....I am thinking he is the first to have ever told her this.....and maybe she should listen and find something NOT boring.

Altho, to be fair, to entertain ONE child in a class of 30 is rather unfair.......unless they are all bored and just not telling, whereas my son has no scrupals (sp??) when it comes to telling like it is

(he is not backward in telling people when he doesn;t like them, or that they cannot tell him off as they are not his mummy, or that it is his house so to get out now.....what am I raising)

BTW Psychomum5 - I can sympathise with the "hell" of homework reading. In P1 our "10 minutes" reading homewrk used to take over half an hour of shouting, cajoling, threatening, crying, frustrated explaining as ds just could not/would not "blend" the words.

For the first year and half of his "reading", ds did it purely by learning the stuff off by heart.