School Uniform for a Boy - thoughts

[SantaMariaJa]

Throwaway username for this one

my DS is starting primary school in September. We have been talking about uniform etc and looking at pictures/he has seen the other local children in uniform, and he kept saying he wants a school dress when he goes. I just let it slide hoping he would forget about it.

we have started shopping for uniform and he is still saying the same thing.

I kind of jokingly mentioned it to his teacher when we met at stay and play and she said that he could wear one if he wanted to.

I don’t want him to. For a start, I don’t want anyone to take the piss, see him as “that weird kid who wears a dress”.

He really likes dressing up etc and I am sure this is the reason he wants to, he definitely has never said that he sees himself as a girl or anything. He has princess dresses at home he wears, just as much as he sometimes wears a policeman or doctor outfit. It’s just play. He does occasionally wear his Princess dress to Pre School.

I am worried that if he went to school in a dress the adults etc would put too much on it and assume it was some gender thing when really he just think it’s looks nice/is fun, and that would be so confusing for him.

obviously this is something that is hard to explain to a nearly five year old. How would you handle it? Do you think it will just blow over when he gets to school and his friends are wearing trousers/shorts?

DH has actually said just let him get on it and wear one if he wants but he spent his school life as golden boy and hasn’t really considered the possible negatives.

I feel like just putting my foot down with no real explanation is confusing for DS when it’s no big deal at home. He is being very insistent about it. I know I could just say no but I want going to school to be positive and not started off with whingeing about uniform.

I know to some that this must sound a bit making a mountain out of a molehill scenario but he’s my first to go to school and as someone who was bullied relentlessly I am so anxious about it!

Not quite the same but I've had sort of similar heartache over my DD's hair. She has a very short pixie cut type hairstyle and Im going to make her wear trousers for school (because they're more practical) as well as sensible shoes e.g black trainers, and maybe sweatshirts instead of cardigans depending on whether she can manage the buttons herself or not. So all for entirely practical reasons. I didn't really want her to get her hair cut as when she ha hair like that at 3 everybody always thought she was a boy. Even when she was wearing a dress, it's so rare to see a girl with such short hair now that people think its more likely and accepted for her to be a boy in a dress than a girl with short hair! I am worried about this but I figured ultimately it's her hair, it will grow again if she changes her mind and people if they want to say anything horrible can always find a reason to do that so we can't always change everything about ourselves just to try and avoid that. BUT also having a son I can agree this is not quite the same as wearing a dress as ultimately plenty of women (albeit not children) do have very short hair whereas it's much rarer for boys/men to wear dresses. And I'm with you about the concern regarding the transgender trend and that's something we ourselves are slightly concerned about with our DD. Although I wouldn't even describe her as a 'tom boy' or anything, she likes her hair short but she also loves to wear jewellery and dresses for parties and loves Barbies and Disney princesses and everything else traditionally associated with girls.

Ultimately isnt it just so sad though that we can't have a world where we just let them be without having to worry or feel forced to limit their choices 😔

Reception children don't start in summer dresses anyway as they don't have one left over from the previous term, unless at an attached school nursery.

Or they have older siblings already at the school so have hand me downs

Possibly, though I'd expect them to be too big?
(But mine were just tiny anyway.)

Well no, because they save the ones their older siblings wore at that age! Or could be like mine - DC2 bigger for their age than DC1.

It is sad that clothes have to be so gendered and that wearing a dress would mean he might be bullied or assumed to be trans.

I think girls uniforms are impractical and the combination of dresses and shoes limits girls ability to fully explore their physical abilities like climbing and kicking a football and as a result has a huge impact on girls see themselves.

With boys and dresses, thIe discussion is always about bullying and wanting to be a girl.

I am sorry you are faced with this dilema for your son.

yeah It’s just a bit sad isn’t it? I don’t really believe myself that clothing has to be gendered so I feel quite internally conflicted but ultimately just want my child to be happy at school!

can barely wait for all the other shot storms school will inevitably throw at us 😂

Explain that as a boy his uniform is trousers, polo shirt and jumper, most the girls will wear the same or plain skirts (dresses tend to be in summer) cross that bridge next year

It's not unisex though is it, it never is, unisex just means boys.
My DD wears dresses to school most days and has never had any issues keeping up with the boys or being physically active. It's absolute nonsense that dresses aren't practical.

This is so depressing.

Ballet is ballet

Dresses are clothing

XX makes you a girl

XY makes you a boy

Reject gender stereotypes without rejecting sex.

I used to hate wearing dresses at school, there's a reason people don't tend to wear them to play sports (tennis and netball aside) or whatever. I love wearing dresses so nothing against them, but they aren't designed to be practical they're designed to look pretty. The amount of scuffed knees I used to get from falling over, being mindful of not showing my knickers when climbing on the climbing frame or taking longer to put the bloody thing back on after PE. Dresses have never taken off for boys or men because their worth has never really been attached to how they look in the same way as it does for women and girls so functional clothes have always been fine. I don't mean to get too deep, but they aren't the most practical choice- what's with all the hearts on the zips as well!

My son has a skirt, he absolutely isn't teased so don't let that put you off.

The novelty ran thin after a couple of weeks and he's now back in shorts.

In an idea world yes, but if you think a 4 year old boy starting school in a dress won't cause any issues for him then that's quite naieve sadly. Of course this shouldn't be the case, but it's a bit like throwing him to the wolves as a parent when you know this is the likely outcome and you're happy to go along with it just to prove a point. When a child is old enough to make an informed decision for themselves then sure.

There's also a lot of craziness going on in schools at the moment, I'd try and protect them from that.

I disagree, it is easier now than ever. I am not naive, and it isn't proving a point, 4 year olds are the most accepting, and a decent school would deal with bullying (because that is what it would be)

However the pp does have a point, some schools are hotbeds.

I agree with this.

There is too much chance of adults asking / telling him he is a girl.

OP - maybe look at gingham shirt & culottes combination if he is still keen by summer.

Wondering if anyone is interested in the update…. We were out shopping and he now wants a specific pair of shiny patent school shoes with little roses on 🙃

I told him shiny ones weren’t practical as they don’t look smart for long (which is true tbf)… I think he bought it? Haha

Sorry to burst your bubble, but on his side, I only buy my girls patent school shoes as always look new, even at the end of the year! 😛

Sorry but totally this! Patent all the way!
That said, girl styles are rubbish for wet weather as half the sock is exposed.

Oh that’s funny maybe we were just particularly clumsy because my mum refused to buy us patent shoes after we had them once and they were scuffed past the point of no return in about a week 😂 they looked dreadful

of course it could also be that they are made better nowadays… it was a long time ago

My experience is that children wouldn't vat an eyelid unless their parents have taught them to stereotype

This is not true. In our culture and society men and boys do not routinely wear dresses. Children will have observed this. Nothing to do with parents teaching them to stereotype or not

And to be fair I don’t blame him because all the boys ones are very boring/ugly

A little boy in my child’s Y1 class wears a cardigan every day, sometimes with a dress and sometimes with trousers. The children think nothing of it

As a little girl my mum told me I wasn't allowed patent shoes because the boys could see my knickers. Now I think about it, she was probably right but it makes me feel sad that was even a thought....

Could you convince him that shoes with flashy lights are cool?