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Original poster

Help on approaching issue with teacher with the Head

55 replies

cleareyes · 26/06/2023 12:41

My DD is in year 4 and generally loves school and always has. This past year she has on and off been upset about going in on a Monday - this is because on a Monday they have a different teacher to the other 4 days.
She says she shouts all the time, is horrible to everyone, and she hates being in school on a Monday.

I don't think my DD is the one being shouted at directly, but whatever this teacher is doing it is affecting her to the point that she was sobbing this morning not wanting to go in. She won something for her sport at the weekend and didn't want to take it in to share as she had this teacher.

This has happened one too many times now (the Monday morning stress) so i messaged the class WhatsApp group to ask if any other kids have issues (as i vaguely remember things being said in the past) Well... i had a barrage of messages from other mums all saying pretty much the same thing. One kid was even off today and their mum said it was because he gets that worked up every Monday she just didn't have the energy for it today. Some mums have raised this with other teachers and the head before as well.

I have now contacted the head teacher (who told me off for use of the word mean! as said by my 8 year old) and did say that I don't think this is an isolated incident. She replied along the lines of 'All our staff are professional, teacher has many years of experience and teacher has high expectations and only wants what is best for the children'
She then put that she thinks by DD's difficulties may be due to the change of teaching style and personality ... no shit.

Anyway, I have a meeting face to face with the head tomorrow now and I'm after advice on how best to approach this is the head continues the defensiveness without acknowledging there may be a problem.

I am happy to formally complain and have several parents from the class willing to co-sign a letter, but would obviously prefer not to go down this route.

I realise there are only a few weeks of term left, but there is also a possibility that this teacher may be DD's full time teacher next year :(

OP posts:
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Awumminnscotland · 26/06/2023 12:51

I think if other parents feel the same as you, it would be more effective to do a group email or joint meeting with the head. It sounds like the head may come out with the ' I've had no complaints from other parents about this teacher'. Unfortunately, you'll likely find that other patents are less willing to 'rock the boat' as they see it.
If you do just go yourself I'd go along the lines of , ' as you know a child won't learn when they feel emotionally unsafe, how do you propose to keep my child safe with this teacher?'
We have a potentially similar situation with our child's teacher for next year. Other parents are voicing the same.

cansu · 26/06/2023 22:24

Your action on the WhatsApp was absolutely outrageous.

cansu · 26/06/2023 22:26

You made your situation worse by doing this. You could have simply made an appointment with the teacher or with the Head.

MyGooseisTotallyLoose · 26/06/2023 22:28

Why is it schools can't retain teachers I wonder?
What is going on that 8/9 year old are so traumatised they are sobbing weekly?

WhenIWasAFieldMyself · 26/06/2023 22:28

Year 4 and the kids are all so upset by a strict teacher they have to stay off school?

Instead of mounting a witch-hunt you could get a hobby.

cansu · 26/06/2023 22:30

An alternative view is
Your child's class are not well behaved and are allowed to mess around with the other teacher. Maybe the Monday teacher makes the children work more or does not accept poor behaviour. Maybe some kids know that moaning about the teacher is a way to get out of consequences.

MyGooseisTotallyLoose · 26/06/2023 22:30

Op if you are so upset by use of word 'mean' is there a chance of drama?.

WGACA · 26/06/2023 22:36

Just speak of your daughter’s experiences and make the meeting solution focused rather than a chance to talk down this teacher. How other parents feel or don’t feel or other children is irrelevant. Your actions on the WhatsApp group make you seem like a bully.

SausageinaBun · 26/06/2023 22:36

We had some issues with a cover teacher being "shouty" and "mean". The deputy head did some observations (I think light touch popping in and out) and said it was just a different style. I think the truth was that their regular teacher was a cross between Miss Honey and Maria from the sound of music and no cover teacher could compete. Children also discuss amongst themselves and gradually whip each other into a frenzy.

LolaSmiles · 26/06/2023 22:37

I don't understand why you needed to go to a class WhatsApp group to gossip to be honest.

When you meet with the head you need to be calm and factual, and discuss only things specific to your child.

E.g. My child has said they are feeling... I am concerned my child has reported... My understanding is that my child has never been shouted at but they have reported finding it difficult getting used to Monday teacher's classroom management as it's very different to Tuesday-Friday teacher's style. I'd like to know what is in place to support consistency for the children over the 5 days so they have the same expectations across all 5 days?

Don't embellish or be tempted to get into what other parents and other children have said.

It could be that this teacher really is unprofessional and mean. It could also be that there's two teachers job sharing a class with different styles and expectations, and obviously the children prefer the one who is more fun/relaxed/perhaps let them get away with a bit more. I've experienced both so would go in with an open mind.

neonjumper · 26/06/2023 22:43

You are very unreasonable for going on the WhatsApp group.

Stick to talking about your own child .

Hercisback · 26/06/2023 22:44

Wow I can't believe you put this on a WhatsApp.

I'd be worried what's going on the other 4 days that isn't being dealt with.

booktokbear · 26/06/2023 22:47

MyGooseisTotallyLoose · 26/06/2023 22:30

Op if you are so upset by use of word 'mean' is there a chance of drama?.

I think the head told OP off for using the word mean.

mastertomsmum · 26/06/2023 22:58

cleareyes · 26/06/2023 12:41

My DD is in year 4 and generally loves school and always has. This past year she has on and off been upset about going in on a Monday - this is because on a Monday they have a different teacher to the other 4 days.
She says she shouts all the time, is horrible to everyone, and she hates being in school on a Monday.

I don't think my DD is the one being shouted at directly, but whatever this teacher is doing it is affecting her to the point that she was sobbing this morning not wanting to go in. She won something for her sport at the weekend and didn't want to take it in to share as she had this teacher.

This has happened one too many times now (the Monday morning stress) so i messaged the class WhatsApp group to ask if any other kids have issues (as i vaguely remember things being said in the past) Well... i had a barrage of messages from other mums all saying pretty much the same thing. One kid was even off today and their mum said it was because he gets that worked up every Monday she just didn't have the energy for it today. Some mums have raised this with other teachers and the head before as well.

I have now contacted the head teacher (who told me off for use of the word mean! as said by my 8 year old) and did say that I don't think this is an isolated incident. She replied along the lines of 'All our staff are professional, teacher has many years of experience and teacher has high expectations and only wants what is best for the children'
She then put that she thinks by DD's difficulties may be due to the change of teaching style and personality ... no shit.

Anyway, I have a meeting face to face with the head tomorrow now and I'm after advice on how best to approach this is the head continues the defensiveness without acknowledging there may be a problem.

I am happy to formally complain and have several parents from the class willing to co-sign a letter, but would obviously prefer not to go down this route.

I realise there are only a few weeks of term left, but there is also a possibility that this teacher may be DD's full time teacher next year :(

We had a really difficult experience in Yr 4 and actually changed schools for Yr 5. It was at an independent school and by the end of Yr 4 a third of the 16 children in the class had left the school. Although it wasn’t the primary decisive moment, there was a weird morning when I lugged my son’s heavy brass instrument up to drop off in the cloakroom area to find one of his classmates in tears having lost something. An ominous voice from the classroom told me basically to ‘bog off’.

MyGooseisTotallyLoose · 26/06/2023 23:03

You're right @booktokbear but I don't think op has to worry *
I realise there are only a few weeks of term left, but there is also a possibility that this teacher may be DD's full time teacher next year :( *
After being told about the complaint via the WhatsApp rally the teacher will probably be off for pastures new..
And from the posts I've seen here the school may struggle for a replacement,.but hey as long as.kids don't get told off!

Lizzt2007 · 26/06/2023 23:06

so op asked on WhatsApp if any other children had issues with the teacher, presumably to understand if it was just her child and therefore less likely to be the teacher at fault, and loads of you think she was 'a bully' 'a gossip' or 'outrageous' ? Op there are some batshit people on this thread. You've absolutely done the right thing asking on WhatsApp, it shows that the majority of children are feeling the same as your dc. If it's extreme enough that one child is so upset on a Monday as to be kept at home then it's a situation that needs addressing and is down to more than just teaching styles. Be clear with the head that the phrase mean was used by your child as a description, and them telling you off for using it was inappropriate, unprofessional, and shows they weren't listening to you. Ask why they think that so many children in the class are having a problem with this teacher, what their explanation is for so many children who appear to have no issues on the other 4 days of the week having issues on this one day. Teachers absolutely have different teaching styles, but a 'style' that is causing children to refuse to go to school and be feeling bullied by the teacher is unacceptable. Make it clear that if the head does not take your concerns seriously and monitor the situation, that you are willing to go to the governors and if necessary ofsted. One or two children having an issue is usually a child problem, a large proportion of the class unhappy is a teacher problem.

KnitMePurlMe · 26/06/2023 23:10

Yes whipping up a mob on WhatsApp was absolutely the right thing to do - it’s astonishing that we have a teacher shortage. For the life of me I can’t imagine why no one wants to do the job anymore . . .

🙄

Walkingtheplank · 26/06/2023 23:45

Good luck OP.
Stay calm.
Stick to what will change for your child.
Whether the Head accepts anything is wrong, whatever is happening now is not working for your child.

If you reference not being the only one with concerns it will be better to avoid saying those conversations took place on WhatsApp as schools seem to dislike social media conversations rather than in person conversations (before anyone jumps in, I steered away from my children's primary school social media groups).

Good luck, hope you get it sorted.

Original poster
cleareyes · 27/06/2023 04:54

Quite shocked by some responses but ok ...
I've asked for specifics from my dd on how her day went yesterday.
Kids were shouted at (not told off- shouted at) for;

  • rubbing out mistakes instead of crossing out, even though their other teacher prefers them to use a rubber
  • drinking their water after break even though they are not allowed to take them out to break, or have them in class and were told to 'wait for lunch'
  • one child tripped and fell on the way back into class and teacher shouted at them to get in their seat and said 'at least your head hasn't fallen off

That was just yesterday, there are obviously plenty more instances like this over the last year, some relating to things in place for my dd due to her dyslexia that Monday teacher doesn't follow on

I appreciate people angry about contacting parents on WhatsApp. But as it turns out several other parents have raised concerns and the head has done nothing and kids are still upset about Mondays, I think it's an important piece of information. It's very easy for the school to brush off each parents concerns and blame the child 'having difficulty with the different teaching styles' than actually acknowledging that maybe this teacher isn't right for this age group.

It's all well and good then having different teaching styles but this is a class of 8/9 year olds. Should the teachers not be working together for consistency and a minimum?

OP posts:
itsgettingweird · 27/06/2023 05:16

If everyone is feeling the same then I'd encourage everyone to send separate emails.

A group letter all signed will be treated as a vexatious complaint and pack mentally bullying of a teacher.

15 separate emails all worded in their own way and all describing similar views can't be ignored.

I work in education and I'm usually always on the side of the teaching staff. But I've also seen over many decades you have the the odd one who's classroom management style causes the kids real anxiety. They do often want the best for the kids . The HT isn't wrong there. But it's the heads responsibility to support them to develop effective behaviour management in the classroom that doesn't involve shouting to the point pupils who aren't even in trouble are fearful!

Swimminginthelake · 27/06/2023 05:24

I'm honestly shocked at some of these replies! Asking on WhatsApp if other children are struggling with the teacher was actually helpful for the op to guage whether it was her DD being too sensitive or an issue that needs exploring further.

At what point is it ever acceptable then to complain or raise concerns about a teacher? Just because teachers are leaving in droves doesn't mean that parents should accept poor behaviour management that impacts on their child's learning and enjoyment of school!

Highflow · 27/06/2023 05:37

I really don’t see what was wrong with the OP asking on WhatsApp if any other child had the same feelings. How is that bullying or whipping up a frenzy???!!!!

Justhereforaibu1 · 27/06/2023 05:44

Another one on your side OP. I agree with a PP that separate emails might be effective

jumperoozles · 27/06/2023 05:56

Your behaviour has been soooo out of order. Gossiping, getting other parents involved. You speak to the teacher and then if you don’t get a response you want you go to the head if you have a specific problem. Also if you have given your daughter the impression you are wanting to hear about anything negative she may be making some of it up… children love to say things they think you want to hear. Poor teacher - it’s hard covering when you have a different style. Especially if she is more firm. She could be brilliant if she has years of experience and could be keeping any children that are disruptive during the week in line. Ask your DD what work they have done.

jumperoozles · 27/06/2023 06:00

Highflow · 27/06/2023 05:37

I really don’t see what was wrong with the OP asking on WhatsApp if any other child had the same feelings. How is that bullying or whipping up a frenzy???!!!!

It’s a hundred percent whipping up a frenzy! The WhatsApp messages always get screen shotted and end up with the headteacher btw! One parent always sends them!

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