If your child is at prep school but you're not mega rich

[wellingtonhighboots]

Hallo,

We are looking to send our daughters to prep school but we aren't mega rich, the costs all in (fees, uniform, trips, holiday clubs, wraparound, clubs and lunch) would sap up my entire salary so we would be living on DPs salary which is about £80k but there is potential to earn more through ad hoc work but wouldn't go above £100k or we'd lose free hours (the school we like does accept 15 hrs funding and may use 30 hrs free for our youngest at another setting before moving to prep for reception).

I've got some queries for others who have stretched to send their DCs to prep school rather than those who can effortlessly afford it!

How did you friends feel about it? We don't move in particularly posh circles with most of DCs current friends due to go to local state school. Will people judge us for sending our kids to private?

Then on the other side, what's it like with other parents- is there a mix of people or would we feel out of place?

Do you feel you get value for money? We'd be sacrificing holidays, new cars, the option of having a third child, being able to buy whatever we like... (although would still afford to live comfortably with DPs salary so it's more extras we'd lose) is it worth it for your DC's experience?

Grateful for any advice!

However, it might make more sense to wait until 7+ or secondary and save up instead to have more of a financial buffer. You really want to have at least a couple of years worth of fees for each child saved. You never want to be in a position where if you lose your job you have to pull them out during GCSEs or A-levels or before you can a good alternative.

We're in a situation where our financial circumstances are luckily very good, but we're used to much more humble social circles. So I can't comment on making sacrifices, but we have plenty of friends who could never consider private school and both DH and I are from state school backgrounds.

People probably do judge us a little, although it's not overt. We just try not to discuss it in much detail, and when discussing school life, I try to focus on things that aren't going to be too different to state primaries (e.g. not the extracurriculars and class sizes).

We're at a non-prestigious London prep and I think most families would be on a higher income than yours. Most families live fairly central due to the location, so they wouldn't be able to afford to live within reasonable travelling distance and cover the fees unless they were earning very well. But quite a few families only have one dc, and almost all families have 2 earners, with both in fairly senior positions. Money never really gets discussed explicitly but I know they aren't sacrificing holidays or activities. Some do live in flats, but they can be quite expensive too around here. I do feel a little out of place socially sometimes. All the play dates I have had are with nannies rather than a parent.

I agree with lots of extracurricular activities being done outside of school, despite there being a very good offering on site. We do music and gymnastics elsewhere as the quality is better and they don't start gymnastics until older.

Personally I am really happy with the school and pleased with our decision, although we aren't having to make sacrifices to do it so that would change my perception. My dd isn't finding the academics pressured, despite struggling a little with handwriting. It just seems to offer a fun and creative curriculum and she enjoys going every day. I think she is quiet and has the type of personality which would go unnoticed in a large state primary class, so it does depend on the child.

I think it depends whereabouts you are in the country. IME, London preps tend to have two working parents, outer London (Home Counties) have had a much greater % of SAHMs and as someone has pointed out up thread, this can have an impact on your ability to reciprocate play dates and your ability to be in the loop for the tutors/music teachers etc. Prep schools do not negate the need for tuition for 11+ if that is a concern. Fees used to go up on average by 5%pa, it is more than that now. Prep schools expect an enormous amount of parental time and input (and money) and you are expected to make every talk/assembly/meeting/parents evening (which is usually the afternoon) etc. There is a lack sometimes of understanding what parents need to do in order to be able to afford the fees (I.e, work).

Pros are obviously smaller classes, wrap around care opportunities, continuity of an education through pandemics/strikes etc but private school does not equal ‘better’ teachers. I’d say if the outcomes for children at the prep are not significantly better than the state options, the you should consider waiting until 11+ but support learning with extra curricular activities etc. Look carefully at the iSI report and The Times Parent Power guide to see where your school is sitting amongst the state and indie options.

I would spend your money on extra curricular activities- swimming gym music languages etc then put them into private. Even a tutor to get better grades etc

you could explore private and or grammar options for secondary school.

your kids will not loose out

you will not have the financial struggle

you will have less school holidays to fill which will again save money

your DDs will be fine - it’s all the same output anyway- secondary’s school uni etc

sacr the money, invest in shares / property for a nest egg for your kids

We are in the early stages of a prep school journey and in similar financial position to @MrsSamR. DH and I did not go to prep schools and the 11+ from a state primary was an incredibly stressful and traumatic experience for me.

For our own children, we intend to move onto state secondary (we can apply for selective but competition is fierce, also very lucky to have a fantastic semi-selective on our doorstep which we would get into under distance criteria)

As far as wealth goes, it really depends on the school. We very firmly fit in where we are - majority of parents are working professionals, few business owners and some where grandparents pay fees. Our school doesn't attract the super wealthy so they are few and far between.

Our social circle is a mix of prep and state but all are very much invested in their children's education and facilitate in any way they can.

For us, it is worth the fees. The small class sizes and lack of disruption makes such a big difference to learning. They achieve so much in a short space of time and also have the capacity to learn specialist music, dance, drama and sports in the day. From seeing them, it is very clear why the 11+ was so awful for me - a couple of hours tutoring each week and extra curriculars outside just can't match the provision DC get

We have one child at prep and a combined salary of around 130k. We wouldn't be able to do it with more than one child.

There is a mix at ours in terms of wealth. There are famous people with kids there and average joes like us and everything in between! There has never been any issue.

As other have said, the positives are the small class sizes, undisrupted learning and good manners are non negotiable, they really place a huge emphasis on this.

The breadth of opportunity in terms of sport, music and extra curricular is very good too. Wrap around care is excellent (although not free!)

Someone else mentioned it can be competitive in the classroom, I definitely agree with this and it's something I've really noticed this year (Y3). Their homework is very challenging and they are pushed quite hard. Ours is coping well with this but has had some wobbles along the way.

At times I've wondered if it's worth it as the financial commitment is huge. But my child is excelling more than they would have at a state school (for many reasons) and ultimately I love the ethos of the school and my child is very happy there

Exactly - it's up to you how you spend your money and for me there's no better way than investing in your child's future. For us taking the pressure off having to pay for private secondary is helping us feel less overwhelmed with the costs. With the cost of living etc we can't know what situation we'll be in in 7 years' time but we know we can afford (just about!) to pay for Prep school now so that's our focus. We're lucky in that the Prep school we've chosen isn't affiliated with any particular secondary school (state, private or grammar) so can give us totally impartial advice on the best school for our individual children and our financial situation at the time. I'd be very happy sending my daughters to an outstanding state secondary school knowing they have a firm grounding in education and it's the best school for them.

It's been really helpful getting all these real life insights into what prep school might look like for our family.

We've been doing some sums- fees for the school we like are around £4K a term. Starting a bit lower then getting higher for primary.

I think with all other costs factored in (wraparound, uniform, holiday clubs, lunch etc) if would end up about £3k a month (if averaged out across the year) for 2 kids to be at prep. Does this sound about right to people who have actually been paying for it? Or does it end up being more and I might have missed something from my calcs?

Lots of people send their children to private prep schools as they’re on a par with nursery fees and you get the wrap around hours which make them a good option for working parents.

In your situation I would save the money on private fees for primary school and send your child(ren) for secondary instead. Pay for the extra-curricular activities at primary. Honestly, your children will not miss out from prep school and you will have a bit more financial flexibility towards their higher eduction.

For calculating the fees - please remember all extra-curricular will attract a cost, eg dance, music, swimming (unless the school has a pool). If your DDs are sporty and play for the school, there will be match fees. Does the school charge separately for stationary / books ? All of these may only be small amounts, but they will mount up, especially with 2.

Other things to consider📧
yes - ask about which secondaries they feed into and respective numbers

does the prep finish at year 6 or go on to Yr 8 ? This is important as most girls only private secondaries start at Year 7, but the prep schools like the girls to stary on into Yr 8, leaving 2 years later than state primary - for income reasons. they'll give you a schpiel about improving self confidence, but unless the private secondary has a big intake in yr 8 it can be difficult to transition, breaking into friendships groups etc.

If the prep is a mixed school - what's the likely boy:girl ratio ? Important for sports in particular. If there's 14 in the class and 9 are boys, there aren't enough girls for a netball team

Trips away - IME there was no difference in the quality / expense of trips between private prep and state primary. But there was more expectation that children would go on the trips.

The catchment area for the prep will be wider than a state primary so playdates will be spread further afield.

Like others have said - many parents prefer to use the state primary, saving up for private secondary. The culture shock for state to private maybe less of a shock than the other way

Thanks @DPotter that's very helpful practical advice! it's a girls only with run through to 6th form. Good question how many stay and how many change to a different secondary. I will ask although I think most stay on unless they are very academic as there are other local secondaries with better results.

What's a normal sort of cost for extracurricular?

Both mine at private. At one I'd say we're roughly in the middle income wise, the other one we're probably at the 25th centile. It's fine. One of their best friends lives in a £6million house - another lives in a small flat and clearly puts all their cash into the fees. Lots get help from grandparents.

Factor in 5 - 10% fee increases per year plus jumps at usually Y 3, 7, 10 and 12 - cumulatively it's basically a doubling of fees from reception to Y13. I would ideally have at least 1y fees in the bank per child, 2 years once you are in the exam years, so in case of disastrous job losses etc you could take them out at an appropriate time not have to do it immediately.

In both my kids schools after school clubs are free if run by teachers (and there are plenty of options) and cost maybe up to £100 - £150 per term if run externally - but you could steer your kids away from those. Individual music lessons £250 or so per term. Lunch included in one school and not in the other, so look at the small print. HW club also included in one school and not in the other.

Childcare for the long summer holidays is an extra cost.

Both of mine single sex so I have taken steps where I can to avoid any other single sex activities (e.g. cubs/scouts rather than brownies/guides)

I think with all other costs factored in (wraparound, uniform, holiday clubs, lunch etc) if would end up about £3k a month (if averaged out across the year) for 2 kids to be at prep

So £18,000 per child per year? Slightly on the low side for London (here's an example https://www.shhs.gdst.net/admissions/fees/ ) but not a million miles off, probably about right outside London

Please do your kids a favour and send them to the prep school. Shitty local comp for me and I really regret not having been sent to a good school

If at any point you have a chunk of cash available you can pay fees upfront for a discount.

I know about 12 different people who went to private. Not a single one ended up in a job that warranted the money spent on their education.

FWIW I have never regretted it, even though it has added over a decade to our mortgage. Luckily I have no interest in cars other than whether they start in the mornings, I consider buying my jeans from next instead of sainsbury's to be the height of extravagance and I have never been able to pass on a mobile phone to a teenager because I use them until they die!

It's absolutely not just about what job you end up in.

My dd is 12 yrs out of prep do I don't have a handle on extra curricular costs. The school will have the costs so ask when you visit

Thanks @mycoffeecup
Did you find getting to go away outside of termtime (in the additional weeks of holiday) offset the cost of additional childcare for longer holidays?
I can build up savings as youngest won't start reception for a good few years and nursery costs lower as we can use the 15 hours free funding.
It's outside London.

I'll ask about paying fees upfront, is that for the whole year?

It isn't about what job they end up in, for us it is about giving DD access to a broader curriculum where learning for the sake of learning is encouraged rather than only learning what will be in a test. Plus access to many different types of physical/mental activities and where she can find her niche. Overall it is about learning in a safe space, properly resourced with specialist teachers for every subject and where learning is valued. That's what we are paying for, I don't care what she goes on to do afterwards.

@YouJustDoYou I don't really mind what my kids go on to do in the future as long as they're happy doing it.

I find it sad that you see holidays as a “waste of money”. What is all this striving actually for? Our trips with our then primary aged dds round Europe are some of the best times of my life. Teens now but we still talk about our trips and they were very bonding.

depends on the school in question. We do prep for our DC and I have no regrets. However, there are some Prep schools near us that I wouldn’t pay for as I can’t see the value add so each school should be judged on its own merit if it have “value add” to you and DC.
I would seriously consider affordability of secondary school fees. Fees are increasing at an alarming rate. Our Prep put fees up by 11% this year, 8% last year and who knows what it will be by the time they reach Year 6. If it continues at this rate they will be close to £30K per child by the time mine reach Year 6. Secondary school fees are much much higher so you need to factor this in. We don’t make many sacrifices to send our DC but I don’t think I’d be sending them to Prep if it meant no annual holidays, fewer day outs and eating out for us