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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Am I right to be angry with school?

109 replies

24hourmommy · 18/04/2023 18:28

Hi all, so my daughter is in year 3 and she has after school club on Tuesdays. But today when I went to pick her up she was crying. She had been sat not inside school but in the reception area where the doors are constantly open and visitors come and go.

Nobody has informed me or noticed that she has been there for a whole hour! I asked her why she didn’t speak to any staff and tell them and she said she was scared and shy as she is not familiar with some of the staff. But surely if she had left school unnoticed it would be a safeguarding issue. I am a teacher myself but in my school children stay with a member of adult inside the school for a certain time and then parents/guardians are contacted. On schools part they have been very careless.

So would you be angry if this had happened? And should I go speak to the head tomorrow, I know him very well even outside of school but I know he will get all defensive.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

scrivette · 18/04/2023 19:17

Yes I would be very annoyed, also a bit frustrated DD didn't say anything though.

After School Club should have a register and if a child isn't there they should find out why. A teacher/receptionist should have phoned you to say that your child still hadn't been collected and was waiting so it sounds as if both were at fault.

I would email tomorrow to ask what had happened to ensure it doesn't occur again.

Mochinated · 18/04/2023 19:18

Complete failure by the school, on both steps in the post-class process:

End of school day - teacher should have used the lists to send the children to the right places.
Child being flagged as a late/missed pick up - There should have been a handover from class to reception so that triggered a call to be made to you advising she needed collecting.

I'd stay formal and polite but be firm and ask how they plan to prevent this happening in future.

NCTDN · 18/04/2023 19:21

I'm a teacher (y3) and I'd be fuming if that was my child. I fail to understand how other staff have walked past her and not questioned it?

NaturalStudy · 18/04/2023 19:21

Presumably several teachers walked past her but assumed she was supposed to be there as a year 3 child wouldn't just be sat in reception for an hour without saying anything. I would go in with questions before accusations OP.

Flittingaboutagain · 18/04/2023 19:21

It's absurd to blame a child for this. What if she'd decided to go home alone?

A child shouldn't have to speak up to be kept safe. Surely people understand there is a huge power dynamic at play and to speak up and potentially challenge an adult isn't that easy.

Intergalacticcatharsis · 18/04/2023 19:22

Are you absolutely sure the club was on today? Sometimes they start the second week of term and it can be really confusing as some outside providers are on during the first week of a new term and others are not on yet. I would speak to the school so this doesn’t happen again and so that a register is taken but it isn’t a safeguarding issue if she was kept there.

UsingChangeofName · 18/04/2023 19:23

It sounds like they don't have the best processes (or for whatever reason a combination of factors meant their system broke down on this day) but in Yr3, any of my children would have spoken up - first to the supply teacher to say Mum's not picking my up, I should have gone to {insert activity}, and then secondly to the Receptionist to say the same, if Plan A failed.

However, if a child were sitting in the foyer of a school and that many people were passing through, I find it pretty hard to believe that she was crying for an hour and not a single one of those other people asked her what the matter was.

Forever42 · 18/04/2023 19:25

Yanbu. This would never happen in my school. Children wait in a secure inside area if they haven't been collected,supervised by a staff member, until a parent has arrived.

carriedout · 18/04/2023 19:25

That's a total failure by BOTH school and ASC.

If school thought you were late/not there, they should have contacted.
If ASC were expecting her and she didn't show up, they should have checked.

I would bullet point the whole thing, send to both the head & the person in charge of ASC and ask them to explain how it happened and what changes will be made to ensure it can't happen again.

You don't have to be aggressive, the facts speak for themselves - not good enough.

Intergalacticcatharsis · 18/04/2023 19:25

I also have to say by Year 3 they should speak up and if she is that shy I would have a word with her class teacher. I would be concerned by that. My youngest is younger than that and would have told any adult straight away that she has a club.

If she feels she can’t approach an adult at school that is a concern. Is she a pleaser? I would make sure you insist on them working on her confidence. Our state primary does 1 to 1 pastoral listening ear with a TA at lunch for shy or worried children.

Blondeshavemorefun · 18/04/2023 19:26

So the teacher took her to reception - I don't get why she didn't say I go to asc

Or even in our class the ones who go to asc are taken to it /sit to one side while other get picked up

Yr 3 is age 8 is that right - I do find it weird that she didn't say I'm meant to be at asc

How does she usually get there on a Tuesday

Snoopyandthemuppets · 18/04/2023 19:27

Mammyloveswine · 18/04/2023 18:52

Just seen the update op, why didn't your year 3 child say "I'm in after school club"? Did the office not check registers? Did no one ring you for a whole hour?

Some 7 year old year 3 are too shy to do this.

ours has a list of clubs that they go to and would have taken my child to the club

Original poster

24hourmommy · 18/04/2023 19:27

Yes I went into reception this morning to confirm that the club is still on. It’s a singing club I had signed up for her so that she builds her confidence in speaking. I will be speaking to head tomorrow or is it better to email? As they are all very friendly with me they will try to belittle the situation. Now that I have few more opinions I know I’m not overreacting.

OP posts:

ChocChipHandbag · 18/04/2023 19:29

24hourmommy · 18/04/2023 18:58

Exactly no register and no call. I’m familiar with the admin team and they know my kids. I did speak to daughter that she needs to be more assertive and should have asked them to call me instead of waiting for an hour.

But surely what she should have done was said "I'm meant to be in after school club" and they'd have taken her in. Why so you say that she have asked them to call you when the club was going on in the same building?

Did she not know she had ASC, is it not a regular thing?

carriedout · 18/04/2023 19:30

Some of these responses read as though the posters have little understanding of kids.

It is not at all unusual for primary school children - especially when only 7/8 - to not know it is Tuesday!

Being shy in school with staff they don't know is also very common.

What is unusual is adults in a school leaving a young child in the wrong place for an hour!

carriedout · 18/04/2023 19:30

24hourmommy · 18/04/2023 19:27

Always in writing.

ChocChipHandbag · 18/04/2023 19:32

carriedout · 18/04/2023 19:30

Some of these responses read as though the posters have little understanding of kids.

It is not at all unusual for primary school children - especially when only 7/8 - to not know it is Tuesday!

Being shy in school with staff they don't know is also very common.

What is unusual is adults in a school leaving a young child in the wrong place for an hour!

My Year 1 (age 6) and all his friends know exactly what day it is and are very clear on who is meant to be where, when. I just drove his little friend home and got a full rundown of his schedule tomorrow. I didn't even ask! Also, we tend to talk about the day ahead on the way to school in the morning.

helpfulperson · 18/04/2023 19:33

A child shouldn't have to speak up to be kept safe. Surely people understand there is a huge power dynamic at play and to speak up and potentially challenge an adult isn't that easy.

But being able to speak up and challenge adults is an important part of keeping children safe.

As a PP said we seem to jump straight from not expecting anything from them at 8 to solo travel and staying home alone at 11.

What had you taught her to do if she was ever in a situation like this?

CurlewKate · 18/04/2023 19:33

Was there a reason she didn't just go to ACS? I agree that she should have been clocked by Reception and I'm not excusing them. But I'm trying to work out what happened....

Smartiepants79 · 18/04/2023 19:37

Ok, so someone, somewhere in school has messed up. A child that should have been at after school club shouldn’t have been sat in receptor that length of time without anyone questioning why she was there.
BUT I also find it quite extraordinary that your 7/8 year old can’t manage to find ANY adult in her primary school that she can tell or ask?? Or even another child! Has she just started at this school? Is it some massive 6 form entry school where nobody knows anyone?? Unless there is some undisclosed SEN then I’d be wanting to know what she was thinking.

carriedout · 18/04/2023 19:37

ChocChipHandbag · 18/04/2023 19:32

Show quote history

Newsflash: not all children are the same.

Or did you think every human develops exactly the same way at exactly the same time??

ChocChipHandbag · 18/04/2023 19:42

@carriedout that was in response to the poster who said that people asking why OP's daughter did not speak up must have no experience of children.

Mammyloveswine · 18/04/2023 19:45

Op was the child sat in reception with a receptionist?

Did the receptionist have no idea she was there?

Who handed her over?

Heroicallyfound · 18/04/2023 19:46

There’s no need to stop after school club, I think that’s an overreaction at this stage.

I would send an email to school and after school club (copy them into the same email) and ask them both what happened, why.

All being well they’ll both investigate and come back with an apologetic and reassuring response and explain what they’ll do to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

If not, that’s when I’d go in with a complaint and think about alternative arrangements.

carriedout · 18/04/2023 19:51

ChocChipHandbag · 18/04/2023 19:42

@carriedout that was in response to the poster who said that people asking why OP's daughter did not speak up must have no experience of children.

Yes, that was me!

I find it odd how people think all children are like their own or ones they know.

The range of 'expected behaviour' is wide.

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