Unhappy with y3 class teacher

[notsatisfied]

I've tried looking this up but couldn't find many of you unhappy with the class teacher. DD is in year 3 in a prep school and a quiet girl and I'm utterly unhappy with this person while have been fairly happy about the school itself and past teachers. The school is supposed to provide excellent pastoral care while being a fairly academic prep school.

Trying not to reveal myself I am not able to provide too much details unfortunately but the teacher has been very unhelpful in helping out some of the quieter, disorganized and perhaps less academic girls in class. She's basically classifying them as those who need 'help' and complains about their behaviors. during the short parents meetings, without not much else to speak about their achievements or efforts.

I tried to speak to my DD who has confirmed the teacher hasn't really spoken too much to her about what she needs to do or how she needs to improve. Yet the teacher continues to complain about my DD to us - however there is no concrete or consistent plan or strategy she will try to implement. DH and I spoke to some other parents and a few have experienced the same. Calling parents in to discuss and complain about DD's work or behavior. My child is not perfect but no past teachers have commented on such.

I just think this displays total lack of empathy from the teacher who is not making sufficient efforts to address 'issues' while trying to forward it to each home. Spending 18k+ annually I expect a better, pastoral approach.

This teacher shows some favoritism as well according to DD, there are two 'alpha' girls always getting extra credits and verbal praise to the whole class about their work. Apart from that, she's okay with the children in school, DD hasn't specifically complained about the teaching or anything else.

I can move her to another school but it's a long way until July when the Summer term ends and I would still like to put strong complaints towards the school.
AIBU and how should I address this? I did not grow up in the UK so not sure if this is something most of the people would just put up with.

Many thanks in advance.

If you've already had a meeting with the class teacher (outside a routine parents' evening) and don't feel your concerns have been addressed, make an appointment with the head of the year or the head of the school to discuss, in a measured way. Phrase it as wanting to understand better, don't go in all guns blazing.

My son is at a private pre-prep and they are always very happy to meet to discuss issues, at any time. You'd go to the class teacher first though, as it's rude to go above their head straight away.

So the teacher has made comments about your dd that you have taken umbrage at. You then decide to look for evidence that these issues are her fault and why hasn't she done anything to help her. You then phone round your friends to get people to agree with you. You then note that as you are paying 18 k you expect better treatment and no one has ever been critical before - I wonder why!

Thanks @CatnaryReturns I can do that - not sure how much emotions I can hold back so will take my calmer DH with me. I don't have concerns, it's the teacher who does. Any email exchanged, meeting in and out of parents meetings have been so distressing and not with any clear action items suggested or put together.

I'd want to leave the school if not trying to help, so will need to formally speak with them and see their response before beg of Summer term (for the 1 term notice)

@cansu if the teacher wants DD to improve, she could bring action items forward doesn't she? So the school and home could work together. She's the one who observed a 'gap' which she is trying to let us know. The element missing here is how she wants to help or engage with the child that I don't see.

I don't have concerns, it's the teacher who does.

I meant your concerns in relation to the way the teacher is teaching.

Odd that you talk about "taking along your DH"- is he not interested/engaged on his own account with your child's education?
Would you not discuss with him and do these things jointly as a matter of course?

Rather than be so defensive why not ask the teacher what dd needs to do to improve? Ask how you can help her?

I think, as you go through a school, it is normal that some teachers will be a great fit for your child and some won't gel so well. It's not possible for your child to have a teacher who is the perfect fit for them every single year.

As you are generally happy with the school, I'd just make the best of this year and assume/ hope that you will get a teacher who suits your DD better again next year.

When do they start subject specialist teaching? At my DS's prep there was a lot of subject specialist teaching from Y3 onwards which helps this problem as, if there is a teacher they don't get on with so well, at least they are not only seeing them.

If you flounce off from a school every time you come across a teacher your DD doesn't totally get on with, you might go through a lot of schools.

@CatnaryReturns DH is very engaged but does need to arrange things to be present for a school meeting, which is why I mentioned so :) yes the 'concern' about the teaching we'll be speaking to school about.

@cansu we have, several times. In our first encounter she suggested something that just seemed to have improvised when asked and according to DD she never used that method. There was another meeting out of the usual parents meeting but when asked she struggled to give any suggestions and said she'll have a thought and let us know - hence the chat was more about the 'gaps' rather than a constructive way forward. I haven't heard back from her since.

@2reefsin30knots definitely, very much agreed that it's not the best fit with the teacher and could happen anywhere. As for now it's too late anyways as she'll have a new teacher in y4. Though what I'd like to see is how the school responds, because one year at such a young age does feel a lot longer and have a greater impact on DD. So depending on how helpful the school is I would consider if spending another 3 years there is a good idea.
There are many specialist subjects none of which 'flagged' any gaps in the school report so I suspect when we ask the school about this they might ask around. If they do try to look into it.

What is the 'gap'? Could you engage a private tutor to help?

@Salome61 sorry can't elaborate too much but DD is quite academic - and it's more about the behavioral aspects - noticing and organization

I'm glad it's something practical you can help her with. Talk to her about observation, help her how to summarise her note taking. Do some listening skills exercises.

Go through the organisational paperwork the school provide ie the school diary, and see what else she would like to help her. My daughter had a 'year at a glance' chart on her bedroom wall, and liked to use the strip post it notes in her diary. She also recorded voice notes on her phone.

You might like some of the ideas here. www.oxfordlearning.com/how-to-help-child-focus-in-school/

@Salome61 thank you for the kind suggestions. They look like good strategies some of which we can try out from home. :)

I'm just not entirely happy that the school isn't offering such hand. I know, just google and I can find a ton of help but after all the teacher who observes DD's day to day and sees a gap would be able to identify best strategies. It's where I expect a private prep should be able to do better with smaller class sizes and more resources.

So sorry, I have been out of teaching for years now but know the workload is almost unmanageable, my friend's daughter is a history lecturer and a mentor to 30, and is absolutely exhausted after three years.

If you are going into the school I would ask for recommendations. It is poor, but it is what it is, and they might be able to direct you to a better source. Eight is very young, and organisation is a learned skill for many.

the teacher has been very unhelpful in helping out some of the quieter, disorganized and perhaps less academic girls in class. She's basically classifying them as those who need 'help' and complains about their behaviors. during the short parents meetings,

Perhaps she thinks YOU should be helping "disorganised " DD to be better organised?

Always having the right equipment/books needed for that day.
Listening to instructions. Paying attention in class. Not ignoring the teacher.

Can I just point out that the OP has posted in Education, not AIBU, asking for advice about how to interact with an independent school in order to discuss concerns about her daughter's education.

This thread looks at imminent risk of being derailed with people criticising the OP, accusing her of teacher-blaming, the usual generalised goading of anyone who pays for private school.

Please don't go there.

Is it possible the teacher is trying to hint at a SEN, such as ADHD or Dyslexia but doesn’t want to quite come out and say it?

Maybe try a polite email, explaining that you’re unclear about the concerns and ideas for strategies to try. Might be better than a meeting, plus you’ve got a record of it.

Year 2 transition into year 3 can be quite difficult for some children. There are often expectations of greater self sufficiency and organisation, more homework, lessons and kit to remember. Maybe go to the meeting to try to identify where your dd is struggling, in the teacher's opinion, and to come up with shared strategies you can reinforce at home. Does she need a checklist, something to help her focus on the task in hand, verbal prompts? Is she easily distracted and forgetful? Is dd your elder/only child at the school?

@2bazookas I wish I could have some pointers from the teacher so I help my child better. Otherwise I'm just ranting out at my DD in a non contextual way the same way the teacher has done to me and DH. We are very engaged with her day to day and make sure she takes things with her but have very little visibility of the details going on at school so proper feedback is required for us to intervene. That said, y3 is still very young and children being so different I expect the teacher to also engage actively with them and provide guidance. I know teachers are busy but class teachers are not just there to teach academic subjects - they are there to guide the children and help become independent persons?

Regardless of whether you pay for an education or not, you are entitled to clearer information than you’ve received.

Politely and persistently ask for the situation to be clarified.

@7eleven I wish she would just say it if that is the case. But then in the first half of the year she has done something similar to at least 5 girls (that I know of, out of 20), leaving parents distressed and puzzled. This is where I feel she's categorizing some children who she feels more burdensome to run the class. From what I know from my DD who says she hasn't really spoken to the teacher much lately, I don't think the teacher has made much effort to guide and help these children before trying to meet the parents, but that is just my assumption.
I like your idea of sending her an email, will try that thank you so much.
@LIZS she's the only one at the school. From what I gather, DD sometimes misses out on detailed instructions leading to poor or incomplete work. Her piano lessons that take place during the school day seems to be in the way sometimes so we plan to give notice by next term.
Maybe go to the meeting to try to identify where your dd is struggling, in the teacher's opinion, and to come up with shared strategies you can reinforce at home.
This is what we expected in our last meting which did not happen..

You say that the school is "fairly academic". Any chance that they are the type of school who manage out less academic students to keep their Leavers Destinations better ? Some schools are not kind at all and just want students who will maintain its reputation for academic excellence.

Thanks @CatnaryReturns for that. Though I know I am not the biggest fan of this teacher so maybe I am doing the teacher-blaming. Also my bad for mentioning the fees.. it's not easy money for us so never out of my mind to be honest.

@PeekAtYou to be fair DD is academic.. maybe not SPGS type of academic but enough to add a good footprint to the leavers destinations.