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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Original poster

How to say no to extra learning support?

98 replies

ggmom87 · 06/01/2023 11:55

My year 1 son has been placed in a phonics support group that takes place for an extra half hour after school 3 days a week. It’s meant to last all term. Last year he was told to attend sessions before school, which was a pain but we made it work. But we can’t make this work. We have prior commitments after school that prevent me from letting him stay at school longer. I’m frustrated because I’m happy for him to receive extra support, but not when it’s offered outside school hours. In the email I received they said they “expect him to attend every session”. It’s a little intimidating, and I’m trying to find the best way to approach it with the school. I don’t want to appear disinterested in his education, but we simply cannot commit to this. Has anyone dealt with this before?

Not that it’s entirely relevant, but while my son isn’t a really strong reader, he is reading on level so it’s not like he’s massively struggling. So there’s that too.

OP posts:
Nimbostratus100 · 06/01/2023 11:57

Why can't you do it?

I don't think you can say no, actually, I think a school can insist on a child staying behind.

AT least that is certainly the case in secondary school. The exact hours of attendance are up to the school, and can be changed

grapehyacinthisactuallyblue · 06/01/2023 12:00

Can't you at least do one or two sessions out of three?
He's offered help because he needs it, and if you don't do anything, gap will be wider next year.
They aren't trying to inconvenience you, they are trying to help your dc.

MeMyBooksAndMyCats · 06/01/2023 12:02

You can say no.

My child is expected to stay after school once a week for a booster lesson even though his teacher has said he doesn't need it as he knows it all.
I told them he'll go when he can but not every week, they tried to tell me this wasn't good enough till I pointed out that after school is outside school hours & therefore can't be forced. They soon backed down.

The issue we had was the school wasn't open enough hours for the past two years (30 hours instead of 37) and now they're trying to play catch up since the rules have changed.

RewildingAmbridge · 06/01/2023 12:02

Why wouldn't you want your child to have extra support? What is the other commitment? Is there anyone else who can collect him?

Original poster
ggmom87 · 06/01/2023 12:03

Nimbostratus100 · 06/01/2023 11:57

Why can't you do it?

I don't think you can say no, actually, I think a school can insist on a child staying behind.

AT least that is certainly the case in secondary school. The exact hours of attendance are up to the school, and can be changed

That’s ridiculous. Of course I can say no.

OP posts:
Overthebow · 06/01/2023 12:06

If the school day he needs it I would be making every effort to attend. Schools have limited resources so can’t just do it anytime, and they have made the effort to out this on to help those who need it.

Original poster
ggmom87 · 06/01/2023 12:09

I’m not here to justify my reasons or explain my commitments. There is simply no way around it. And I didn’t ask for opinions on the decision itself.

OP posts:
KangarooKenny · 06/01/2023 12:10

If you absolutely can’t do it, you tell them so. But it’s a shame for him to miss out what he needs.

PerpetualFailure · 06/01/2023 12:15

You should ideally enable him to go. If not, then just say you can't.

Overthebow · 06/01/2023 12:15

ggmom87 · 06/01/2023 12:09

I’m not here to justify my reasons or explain my commitments. There is simply no way around it. And I didn’t ask for opinions on the decision itself.

Well then you just tell them he can’t go. They. Any make him.

Nimbostratus100 · 06/01/2023 12:18

MeMyBooksAndMyCats · 06/01/2023 12:02

You can say no.

My child is expected to stay after school once a week for a booster lesson even though his teacher has said he doesn't need it as he knows it all.
I told them he'll go when he can but not every week, they tried to tell me this wasn't good enough till I pointed out that after school is outside school hours & therefore can't be forced. They soon backed down.

The issue we had was the school wasn't open enough hours for the past two years (30 hours instead of 37) and now they're trying to play catch up since the rules have changed.

Its not a case of the school "backing down" and yes, it is enforceable

But the school may choose not to enforce it

I might want children to stay behind after school for disciplinary or educational purposes, and I am aware I can enforce it, however, I would normally be prepared to compromise in the interest of facilitating family life and good relationships.

This is not "backing down"!

And I have seen other colleagues enforce it, and have been in a school where it is regularly and rigorously enfoced

Choconut · 06/01/2023 12:24

Of course it's not enforceable, what are they going to do if she takes him out? Take her to court? Of course not. If school want him to have enforceable extra lessons then they need to do it in school time like every other school. I've seen schools do it in assembly time or take them out of other lessons to do it during the afternoon. They can't prevent her from taking her child home at home time.

It is a shame he can't attend though OP, I'd be working extra hard on reading at home with him to make up and talking to the teachers about what you can do to help him.

Redebs · 06/01/2023 12:27

I would have thought you would have been really pleased that they are doing extra support at this age.
Rearrange your afternoon so he can attend. There's nothing more important than this, surely?

Original poster
ggmom87 · 06/01/2023 12:28

Choconut · 06/01/2023 12:24

Of course it's not enforceable, what are they going to do if she takes him out? Take her to court? Of course not. If school want him to have enforceable extra lessons then they need to do it in school time like every other school. I've seen schools do it in assembly time or take them out of other lessons to do it during the afternoon. They can't prevent her from taking her child home at home time.

It is a shame he can't attend though OP, I'd be working extra hard on reading at home with him to make up and talking to the teachers about what you can do to help him.

Yes, I do work hard with him at home. And I’ll ask the teachers if there are extra ways I can support him at home.

Quite honestly the academic standards in this country are out of whack. Where I grew up, we were just starting to read at his age. The pressure and expectation on children here is crazy. I will never understand. But whatever.

OP posts:
Original poster
ggmom87 · 06/01/2023 12:29

Redebs · 06/01/2023 12:27

I would have thought you would have been really pleased that they are doing extra support at this age.
Rearrange your afternoon so he can attend. There's nothing more important than this, surely?

Yes, would very much love for him to have the extra support. Unfortunately nothing to be done about it. Rearranging not possible.

OP posts:
Someo · 06/01/2023 12:31

Of course OP can decline. How on earth is it enforceable?!

It is a shame as any extra help is a bonus but if you've already got commitments then it can't be helped.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 06/01/2023 12:31

If you literally can't do it, then just say you can't do it. It is not enforceable outside of school time.

Personally I would explain to them why it is not possible.

Wolfiefan · 06/01/2023 12:37

I can’t imagine what would prevent this myself. I would always prioritise reading over pretty much anything else. They clearly feel your child needs his extra help. If you disagree they can’t force you to take it up.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 06/01/2023 12:38

Some people on here have no idea what other people's lives are like. I can think of several scenarios where people may not be able to accommodate their child staying after

Parents work ft, childminder collects child plus other children after school. Childminder (understandably) refuses to hang around with other children waiting 3 times per week.

or Parent lives rurally, no access to car. School bus brings child home, so no possibility of late stays (this was a real.issue for some parents when my dc were in a rural.primary)

Parent has children in 2 different schools, can't get to both if dc1 has to stay at school

I'm.sure the OP has good reasons. Not everyone can rearrange things to accommodate this.

Original poster
ggmom87 · 06/01/2023 12:41

EmmaGrundyForPM · 06/01/2023 12:38

Some people on here have no idea what other people's lives are like. I can think of several scenarios where people may not be able to accommodate their child staying after

Parents work ft, childminder collects child plus other children after school. Childminder (understandably) refuses to hang around with other children waiting 3 times per week.

or Parent lives rurally, no access to car. School bus brings child home, so no possibility of late stays (this was a real.issue for some parents when my dc were in a rural.primary)

Parent has children in 2 different schools, can't get to both if dc1 has to stay at school

I'm.sure the OP has good reasons. Not everyone can rearrange things to accommodate this.

Thank you for understanding. My child’s education is of supreme importance to me, but my life circumstance don’t support this. And now I feel even crappier about it than I did before.

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 06/01/2023 12:45

This is due to the government placing so much emphasis on the bloody phonic screener test!

I would write to them thanking them for the option to attend but say that it won’t be possible.

FrownedUpon · 06/01/2023 12:47

Say no then, but don’t complain to school when his levels drop over the next year and his confidence takes a hit. Most parents would love their child to get extra reading support.

DaphneFlower · 06/01/2023 12:47

EmmaGrundyForPM · 06/01/2023 12:38

Some people on here have no idea what other people's lives are like. I can think of several scenarios where people may not be able to accommodate their child staying after

Parents work ft, childminder collects child plus other children after school. Childminder (understandably) refuses to hang around with other children waiting 3 times per week.

or Parent lives rurally, no access to car. School bus brings child home, so no possibility of late stays (this was a real.issue for some parents when my dc were in a rural.primary)

Parent has children in 2 different schools, can't get to both if dc1 has to stay at school

I'm.sure the OP has good reasons. Not everyone can rearrange things to accommodate this.

I'm sure people would have been understanding if the op had given some vague indication of the type of commitments. People just don't understand the need for secrecy about a school bus or having a job or a caring responsibility etc

FlounderingFruitcake · 06/01/2023 12:48

Of course it’s totally reasonable to have a reason why you can’t pick up late and whilst I’m not sure of the legalities but it would be insane for the school to try to insist. Just talk to them OP! Tell them that logistically you can’t make it work but that you do want to support DC at home. Ask what they would advise and maybe even if they would be willing to provide the material covered in the group so that you can cover it at home in your own time.

Kitcaterpillar · 06/01/2023 12:48

People on this thread making out the OP is turning down lessons for her 15 year old who can't read. He's in Year One. After school three days a week is completely unnecessary.