I think we've decided to move DS1 and I am utterly petrified. Any wise words?

[katierocket]

Short version:
we moved area in august, he started at new school (small village primary). Happy with "the work" and likes his teacher but just hasn't really settled in socially or made any real friends. School maintain that he seems happy in school and at playtime so it is a bit odd.
First term we had problem with one of the teachers that was taking him for half a day, DS1 was really scared of hime - cried at bed time the night before, really panicky before school etc - The school were dreadful in the way they handled it and basically tried to pretend it was nothing/DS1 was being melodramatic/it was because DS1 wasn't used to a male teacher WTF
Headteacher is utterly useless and that's really i think what's pushed us to make the decision. The difficulty is that essentially the school is fine, and i'm sure he'd be OK there but the question is whether 'good enough' is enough IFYKWIM.

We figure that we've got no way of knowing if new school will work out socially (I should say that at his old school he was happy, settled, sociable little boy) but we figure that it can't be any worse and that at least if we do have problems we'd have more confidence that headteacher is decent.

BUT I am SO scared, it's such a big decision.
Would love to hear from anyone else who has been through something similar.

NOt really the "short version" was it!

DS1 is in year 1 BTW

should add that the issue with the other teacher that DS1 was scared of, resolved itself because he left at Christmas.

I moved my two at the end of Reception and yr 1 and it was the best thing I ever did for them and me. They had no problems settling into a new class etc and are much happier, working really well etc

I am very happy with their teachers and confident that the dcs needs are being met so i am much more chilled out too

My advice is go for it - if you have no confidence in the head then basically the school is not right for you.

Good luck

Katie....

I would go for it...my little girl is struggling socially in a small village school with only one other girl in her class who is seemingly making life very difficult for her....

I would have dearly loved to have moved her at the end of reception...and found a great school...not to big 22 in the class instead of 10...but my daughter didn;t want to move schools...and we decided that it may have been too traumatic for her. She is a very sunny little girl and whilst she still is ok...she doesn't look has happy as she was....we work very hard to ensure she has a good social life outside of school so this is helping.

I personally think the new school would have been great for her...but she's a child of habit...I still haven't closed the door on moving her yet...Ideally it would have been nice if I could have opted to let her try a day or two in the new school to see what she had thought...but I'm not sure whether this is possible.

Small schools can have so many social drawbacks...wish i had known this prior to selecting school!

Thanks. Yes I agree about small schools (well based on this experience anyway!), there is just less chance of finding a like minded school and we've also found it to be a very 'closed' place. It's just so hard to know if you're doing the right thing isn't it. And because it's not so utterly dreadful that we have to get him out, there is less impetus and more room for worry that you're doing the wrong thing IFYKWIM. I made an appt for DS1 to look around new potential school on THursday - am dreading, dreading telling existing school why he has to leave school early...

Autumn, why did you move them? (if you don't mind me asking)

Katierocket - no wise words, but much sympathy as I'm in a similar situation. My DS in yr 1 has been unhappy since he started and now wets the bed(loved his previous 2 years at nursery). It's not a village school but a small school by local standards (one form entry). Good SATs results, good OFSTED etc. but the teaching style is deskbound and boring (to my eyes). Am possibly moving him to larger arts and trips focussed school. I've agonised over it, but he has 5.5 years to go in primary school and I want him to enjoy school and feel his imaginative spirit will be squashed where he is now.
Handed the letter to the head in this morning so am preparing to face the music shortly. I think all we can do is to go with our gut instincts on this one.. good luck!

oh julia you sound just like me!
I was saying to friend today "I mean the school is OK, it's satisfactory, but no more than that and I want more than that for DS1, I want him to be inspired and happy"
Funnily enough, DS2 is wetting the bed too. It started just before me moved house but it's not settled down at all (and out of school he's very happy, has two close friends, good social life etc)

do let me know how you get on.

katierocket there were lots of little issues, dd was unhappy as her best friend had left and she did not really get on with any of the otehrs in the class of 15 (too many girlie girls - dd is a tomboy and gets on really well with boys and girls)

ds was being sidelined in reception and the teachers could not be bothered to do anything out of the ordinary (he has minor medical needs that they did not deal with)

Also i was not entirley happy at how they were taught - too many worksheets, no phonics just sight words etc for reading and a really big jump from fun and play in reception to all work in Yr 1 which i knew ds would not like

The Head seemed to be of the opinion that you send your children to school and he then becomes 'in charge' and nothing parents say makes any difference

Not the same situation as such but I moved my ds (yr 4 age 8) after Christmas into a new school.

The difference in him and school is amazing. He has settled brilliantly and already has made some really good friends.

It is the best thing we could have done for him ime.

Best wishes for you both in the move

Thanks all. Feel emotionally drained by it all to be honest but we're taking DS1 to visit new potential school tomorrow. Ridicously nervous about telling current school that he will be out of school in teh afternoon.

I pulled four of my children out of their previous primary school 2yrs ago. they were then in yr5, yr2, yr1 and nursery.

I pulled them as the school, altho previously ok, and the children were happy enough, weren't listening to my concerns re DD2 (who was then yr5) who I thought was dyslexic. They kept telling me to 'get into the world of DD2' when I complained that I could never understand her writing, nor she herself understand whay she had written when trying to read it back.

I thought then that if they could dismiss our worries so readily for one child, then what about the other younger ones?

(DD1 went thro the school ok, but no concerns for her so not an issue)

The children all cried to start with, as they were worried about new friends etc, but they settled in so easy, surprising themselves and me.

friends were made extremely quickly, I less so as this was a huge school they went into and the playground (school run) was scary....! I soon settled in tho, thanks to the children making friends and wanting them to come for tea, making me have to talk to other mums.

telling the prvious school was daunting, but I just held it together by knowing that this was the right thing for my children, and, knowing that the school secretary was a mean woman and very nosy, I wouldn't tell her why I was wanting to see the head which made her squirm and almost beg to ask me which made my day having 'power' over her!

good luck and just keep telling yourself that you know you are doing your best for your son......makes it easier (not easy, but definately easier).

oh, and DD2 was comfirmed as being severly dyslexic too, which made that point feel much better!

oh thank you. I'm getting DP to ring up and tell head that we're taking him out to show him around another school.

I think it's strange because lots of parents seem to think it;s a good school but then I guess they've got nothing to compare it with. Having said that I also know (via a neighbour whose children have been through the school) that lots of parents have real issues with teh headteacher and management (or lack of) in the school.

Haven't moved my children but how you describe your ds1 sounds very normal for a child of that age - my ds1 (Yr2) also doesn't seem to have made any special friends at school - but his teacher assures me he is happy and sociable when he is there.

I have seen lots of children having difficulty adjusting to the move from Reception to Yr 1 - new teacher, not as much playtime, etc - usually there are more children crying going into Yr1 than Reception in September!

The thing about disliking the teacher he had for half a day is also very common - lots of children that age hate the day/half-day when their usual teacher is not there.

I suppose my point is that you need to be sure that it's the school that's the problem, not just his stage of development/personality type and be sure that changing schools again wouldn't make it worse.

grapefruit, all good points and I know what you mean. In terms of the jump from reception to yr1 I don't think that's the problem. DS1 loves learning and enjoys the work. it's the playtimes he says he doesn't like. Interesting about the teacher. It seemed more than that though. He was literally petrified of the teacher.

I agree with your comments that we need to be sure it's the school that's the problem, i suppose that sums up my problem, I'm not sure how I know!

Ingles - no, don't think they're the same school! It's horrible isn't it?

and (thinking it through some more) it was the way the school dealt with him disliking the half day teacher that bothered me more than anything - they just dismissed it out of hand and we were the ones dealing with his tears the night before and in teh morning before he went in.

This is a really interesting thread, altho' my dcs are a little younger - dd is about to go into reception in September at a little village school. Which, until about 3 months ago we were happy about, but she has become upset at the nursery (which will be her reception classmates) as the children were teasing her, and there aren't many girls like her there.

Whats interesting is that you tend to dream of little village schools that are idyllic and small and perfect, when actually the reality is that therefore the "pool" of potential friends is smaller, and therefore the impact of a few nasty children is greater.

Its never simple is it?!

yes I agree that small doesn't always = good.

Maybe (in our case) it just comes down to the fact that he's not particularly happy, OK we don't know he's going to be any happier at other school but as far as we can tell (by viewing school, meeting headteacher, reading ofsted and speaking to parents with kids there) it does seem like a better school for the long term. Current school is "fine" but the minute any issue comes up you feel totally unsupported (and this wasn't the case at his old school - before we moved) I mean we hope that there won't be any issues but I think that considering he's got another 5 years at Primary school , that's unlikely. God I am agnoising about this!

Slightly different here. I was the child who was desperate to move school (secondary). I was picked on for many reasons and was really miserable, stressed and not achieving what should have been possible for me to achieve. My parents refused to move me and I'm still really sad I didn't move. School should be a happy experience or we don't learn to our full ability. I'd go with your gut instinct - see how the visit goes. Btw I'd try not to say where you're going if possible...

That's a shame hotcross.
Interesting comment about not saying where we're going - why do you think that?

bump

I have seen lots of Yr2 children in tears going in because it was the one day a week/half day teacher that day - and the teacher in question is a regular supply for the school/has children there herself, etc and no obvious reason for the children to take a dislike... don't know if it is the change in routine that upsets them or someone else having a slightly different approach....

What do you think the school could have done better/differently about this particular issue?

We just wanted an acknowledgement that he was struggling with the other teacher. Instead they tried to suggest it was nothing. Also, his form teacher asked DS1 directly what he didn;t like about other teacher and ultimately DS1 said it wasn't that he didn't like the teacher but that he didn';t like the subject he taught. I know for a fact this is rubbish but it was presented to me as "see, it's not the teacher he doesn;t like, it's the subject". i asked DS1 about it and he duly burst into tears saying that he was the teacher but he couldn't tell form teacher that. I was just annoyed that they expected a 6 year old to say to an adult that he didn;t like another adult - I imagine he thought he'd get into trouble if he did.

I;m sure some of this makes me sound overly nerotic but I have been pretty careful not to just take DS1's word for things