I think we've decided to move DS1 and I am utterly petrified. Any wise words?

[katierocket]

Short version:
we moved area in august, he started at new school (small village primary). Happy with "the work" and likes his teacher but just hasn't really settled in socially or made any real friends. School maintain that he seems happy in school and at playtime so it is a bit odd.
First term we had problem with one of the teachers that was taking him for half a day, DS1 was really scared of hime - cried at bed time the night before, really panicky before school etc - The school were dreadful in the way they handled it and basically tried to pretend it was nothing/DS1 was being melodramatic/it was because DS1 wasn't used to a male teacher WTF
Headteacher is utterly useless and that's really i think what's pushed us to make the decision. The difficulty is that essentially the school is fine, and i'm sure he'd be OK there but the question is whether 'good enough' is enough IFYKWIM.

We figure that we've got no way of knowing if new school will work out socially (I should say that at his old school he was happy, settled, sociable little boy) but we figure that it can't be any worse and that at least if we do have problems we'd have more confidence that headteacher is decent.

BUT I am SO scared, it's such a big decision.
Would love to hear from anyone else who has been through something similar.

NOt really the "short version" was it!

DS1 is in year 1 BTW

grapefruit - how would you say was the best way of assessing whether problem is a development issue or a school issue?

also want to say that it's really useful to have this other perspective grapefruit.

I don't really know - have you tried to talk to your ds about it to find out if he is happy with the school in general? Maybe wait til he moves up a class and see how he is with a different teacher?

Also I think children tend to forget quickly about things like this - I was unhappy with how a (longterm) supply teacher had upset my dd when she was in Year 1 but decided to play it by ear to see how it worked put (once I'd put my pov across to the teacher). I was concerned that dd would have been anxious or upset on the days she was having this teacher (job was being shared between two teachers one term) but if I asked dd which of the two she preferred she said the one who had upset her!

It might be worth trying to lure some actual teachers onto the thread to get their viewpoint - I have to say that as a parent I have always been very wary of making changes in childcare or schooling as I think consistency is very important...

i was unhappy at my primary school (is a long time ago so details are vague) and plucked up the courage to beg ask my mum if i could go somewhere else. i was stunned when she agreed!

i was v happy to change. enjoyed the last 2 years of primary school at the new school.

i understand apprehension of the unknown, but it may well be a really positive thing. if nothing else, to feel listened to and supported by your parents, enough for them to do something major like change your school, is a wonderful thing.

kr, it's not really clear if your ds is unhappy at the school or you're unhappy with the school...

I think it's both grapefruit. It was started by DS saying he was unhappy and talking about how no one played with him but there are aspects of the school that we are not 100% comfortable with. Yes have spoken to him a few times about it to try and get to the bottom of it and TBH he can't/or won't really say other than he doesn't have any friends and wants to go somewhere else.

I am of course, very aware that that's not necessarily the whole story.

Katierocket
Hi! I was talking to you on your other thread. Glad you are making progress with seeing the other school etc.

We are still stuck in the same situation. Spoke to Head about it all, but she was quite (nicely) dismissive. I am now seriously considering home ed for DD.

Change can be a very positive thing too tho - children get used to finding their feet somewhere else and this can help in adult life.

I think if he says he wants to move then listen to him and let him know you are.

FWIW my ds in Yr1 has a teacher for 1 day a week and the whole class are absolutely fine with it - I have never seen tears from any of them on that day, so it is not necessarily a development thing

Hope the visit goes well

Don't think it matters if you tell the school where he is going because if he likes the new school your ds will probably tell them all about it anyway - mine did

thanks autumn and critter. will let you know how we get on today visting other school. I just want to make a decision now, either way, and get on with things.

Good luck with the visit to the other school. Knowing that you have choices could be helpful. Seeing how the head of the other school listens to you could be really helpful too. You can compare the overall attitude with the one in your DS1's current school.

I reckon that if a parent has a problem with a school and the child is not settled then there is something wrong, even if you can't put your finger on it.

Katierocket how did you get on? will post my positive news after kids to bed.