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Original poster

Note to the class teacher about 'mild' bullying - please can you critique it

30 replies

handlemecarefully · 30/01/2008 11:12

A few issues going on in dd's Year 1 class (there are only 6 girls in her year, small school). In fact a friend of dd's has been kept off school today because her mother was concerned about how distressed she was when she got home after school yesterday. My dd is doing okay atm but I don't want that to be her in the next week or so!

I absolutely do not want to take the teacher aside to discuss these issues at drop off time (we are all allowed to take our children into class to drop off at our village school) because:

(a) when I am anxious about something or have a delicate matter to discuss I become verbally inarticulate

(b) too many other mums in proximity 'ear wigging'

(c) the mother of the child who is causing the problems is an 'effin Teaching Assistant in that same class (I have never approved of this sort of arrangement but that is a side issue)

(d) Dd's teacher is noticeably busy and distracted and doesn't have the time for a 5 minute heart to heart at that time in the morning

So is the following note okay? I don't want to come across as flaky etc:

Dear Mrs X,

Please excuse a quick note, but it is easier to jot down a few things, rather than try to take you to one side to speak confidentially at drop off time in the morning.

There appears to be a few issues amongst the Year 1 girls.

There is a lot of talk of ?clubs?. I think these started innocently enough but they now appear to be being used to exclude people. Dd tells me that there is one girl whom she regards as ?bossy?, and from what I can divine, it is this child who (from dd?s perspective) is at the centre of the current unhappiness. This same child, by the by, has given dd a complex about her ?fat arms? which I find rather worrying.

Yesterday lunch time both dd and another girl were upset and both received a sticker from the lunch time supervisor for being brave. The principle reason for them being upset was because a third Year 1 girl with whom there were friendly, was apparently encouraged not to sit with them and to join the child whom Lily is wary of. The child that Lily is wary of apparently indicated that she should join her ?club? as it was ?better?.

I understand from the mother of the child who, in common with Lily was upset by this, that there was some poking out of tongues and face pulling going on.

I am realistic and appreciate that young children fall out and then subsequently make up again over completely trivial matters, and that this is entirely natural and acceptable ? however when this appears to be accompanied by unkindness (poking out of tongues etc), and children are being upset over it (the girl, who in common with dd, was upset by this yesterday lunch time is apparently more distressed than dd currently is) it becomes concerning.

I haven?t mentioned any names as I think this would be helpful, and I don?t want to 'label' anyone. I just wondered if at this early stage (where the issues are relatively minor) the Year 1 girls might benefit from a collective, non-discriminating, chat about getting along with others and what constitutes acceptable behaviour.

Best wishes

OP posts:
Original poster
handlemecarefully · 30/01/2008 11:14

Sorry, lots of rogue question marks in the text. They started off as apostrophes, I don't know how they got changed in translation!

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themildmanneredjanitor · 30/01/2008 11:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RosaLuxOnTheBrightSideOfLife · 30/01/2008 11:15

A very good letter. Nothing to add. I hope the teacher can sort it, having three DDs myself, we have been through this scenario a few times, and the teacher has always been happy to have a talk with the class to reinforce the kindness/inclusion message.

Original poster
handlemecarefully · 30/01/2008 11:15

You think? Good. I am worried that I might sound neurotic or that I am making mountains out of molehills...

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Original poster
handlemecarefully · 30/01/2008 11:18

Thanks

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Mercy · 30/01/2008 11:21

It's a bit long tbh. I'd make it more succint if poss. - sorry have to rush and get ds so can'really help atm

AitchTwoOh · 30/01/2008 11:21

good letter, you sound very un-neurotic imo.

Original poster
handlemecarefully · 30/01/2008 11:22

Good, that would be a first for me (sounding un-neurotic)

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sparkybabe · 30/01/2008 11:23

I would just add - can you go into the class to help out sometimes? Just having mum there sometimes is enormously helpful and confidence-boosting, as the dd of the TA is showing to great effect.
Or can you take the letter in after school when the teacher is less stressed, and use it as an aide-memoire (SP?) rather than read direct from it.
good luck.

Original poster
handlemecarefully · 30/01/2008 11:24

Yes perhaps I could volunteer my services more frequently....I only do around 2/3 afternoons per term currently

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Twiglett · 30/01/2008 11:24

Gawd I think it needs a re-write .. sorry

Happy to do it for you but can't do it properly now .. first stab

Dear Mrs X,

I am writing to you regarding some concerns I have with potential bullying and excluding behaviour in Year 1. I apologise that I haven't spoken to you directly but I find it much easier to arrange my thoughts on paper. Perhaps you can call me to discuss this at a mutually convenient time.

Each incident seems fairly minor, but I am increasingly concerned with the escalation and frequency and feel that the school environment is rapidly becoming more uncomfortable for a number of the girls.

Just so that you are aware, some of the issues include:

a number of 'clubs' that, whilst started innocently enough, are now being used to exclude people. One case in point is yesterday lunchtime when one child was being encouraged to sit with another year 1 to the exclusion of others. I believe that the lunchtime supervisors are well aware of this matter as they appear to have intervened and given out stickers for 'bravery when upset'. Perhaps you could investigate this further?

There appears to be a general level of teasing including face pulling and poking out of tongues.

My daughter has been given a complex about her 'fat arms' by one of her peers.

I understand that there are strong characters in any cohort and that there are natural falling outs amongst any group of 6 year olds but I do feel that an anti-bullying approach could be useful

I would appreciate it if you could let me know me know your thoughts and what kind of action you feel is appropriate to nip this in the bud.

Best wishes

Original poster
handlemecarefully · 30/01/2008 11:25

Got to go and get ds from Pre-School now, will check again later.

Thanks for the feedback / suggestions

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Original poster
handlemecarefully · 30/01/2008 11:26

I like your letter better Twig. Back to give a closer re-read later

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Original poster
handlemecarefully · 30/01/2008 12:10

Twig,

I have taken yours and watered it down a little to suit me so that I am comfortable signing it, but on the whole I think using your letter as a template is better than using mine. When I revisit my original letter it does rather sound like I am singling out one girl (and whilst I do think she is culpable, she hasn't done anything really heinous as yet so it's a bit early to besmirch her reputation)

Thanks

Dear Mrs X,

I am writing to you regarding some concerns I have about ?excluding? behaviour amongst Year 1 girls. I apologise that I haven't spoken to you directly but I find it much easier to arrange my thoughts on paper.

Each incident seems fairly minor, but I am concerned about possible escalation, and
feel that the school environment is becoming uncomfortable for a couple of the girls.

Just so that you are aware, some of the issues include:

a number of 'clubs' that, whilst they started innocently enough, are now being used to exclude people. One case in point is yesterday lunchtime when one child was being encouraged to sit with another year 1 (i.e. to join her ?club? because it was ?better?) to the exclusion of others. This left the excluded pair tearful / upset. I believe that the lunchtime supervisors may well aware of this matter as they appear to have given out stickers for 'bravery?.

There appears to be some teasing including face pulling and poking out of tongues.

My daughter has been given a complex about her 'fat arms' by one of her peers.

I understand that there are strong characters in any cohort, and that there are natural falling outs amongst any group of 5 and 6 year olds, but I do feel that the Year 1 girls may benefit from some intervention.

I would appreciate it if you could let me know me know your thoughts and what kind of action you feel is appropriate to nip this in the bud.

Best wishes

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bozza · 30/01/2008 12:30

V. good. hmc I agree that your final version is the best of the 3. Hope it gets sorted.

Mercy · 30/01/2008 12:41

Agree, very good

(sorry for my unhelpful post btw)

Original poster
handlemecarefully · 30/01/2008 12:42

Thanks bozza mate. You weren't unhelpful Mercy

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onebatmother · 30/01/2008 12:49

oh god I can't bear myself, but can you put falling-outs or even better fallings-out?

But it is a very good letter imo.

critterjitter · 30/01/2008 14:30

I'd make it even briefer. Mention that your DD feels excluded by a number of stronger characters forming 'clubs' and teasing her about her physical appearence etc. Wouldn't mention face pulling etc.

sherbydrivinginhercar · 30/01/2008 14:38

hmc, just to let you know that your childs name is in the first post

Hope it all works out for your DD, I dread this stage!

Original poster
handlemecarefully · 30/01/2008 15:58

Thanks sherby - am not overly concerned about her name slipping in - but thanks though

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Original poster
handlemecarefully · 30/01/2008 16:00

I don't know why on earth it should matter, but I do feel that I should point out that dd's arms are not remotely fat!

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bozza · 30/01/2008 16:47

at you hmc, I very much doubt that it crossed any of our minds that they were!

Twiglett · 30/01/2008 16:51

I think that's a good letter HMC ... sorry I couldn't help more .. .busy day today.. hope it goes/went well

Original poster
handlemecarefully · 30/01/2008 18:28

You helped plenty twiglett (as did every who posted)

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