Relocating back to the UK son 5 so far behind

[MrsG2017]

Hi Everyone,

I would really appreciate your advice. We have just (today) sold our house in NZ and will be landing back in London on 5th December. We will be staying in surrey for a few weeks but won't be buying or renting a property there but will likely move to either Gloucestershire or Lincolnshire.

I am so so worried about my son it brings me to tears. He was 5 in April and the NZ school system is so behind. I have been working full time since he was 6 months and i feel like i have let him down.

He can only just count to 20, he can write his name but nothing else and is only in the first stages of his phonics reading. I am so very sad that he will be so far behind his UK peers.

I'm not sure what I can do as if we don't have an address, I can't register him for school and I'm conscious the uk term starts back on the 3rd of Jan. If i were to register him for a school in surrey where we will be for a few weeks, then he will have to move again.

Sorry i would love to know if anyone has been through this or is in education and has any advice. He is a lovely boy so very active and not very focused on his "learning" we really struggle to get him to focus it is such a concern.

Thank you I will stop waffling now!

I've not been in this position through relocation, but my daughter was seriously behind her peers for a good 2-3 years due to specific learning difficulties. I remember being so worried because her teacher once said there was the person at the bottom of the class, then a big gap, then my daughter.

We did pay for a couple of tutors. One for dyslexia, one for extra maths. Plus I spent a bit of time with her on phonics and her toe by toe book. She did catch up though. In fact she's 22 now and doing a fast track phd course funded by the NHS. I did worry though, like you are now.

I went through the NZ school system after starting out in England and it definitely isn’t behind. I’m really glad I went to school in NZ as the entire school system here seems horrendous to me and my Nz education was fantastic. He will be fine. He’s only 5.

He speaks the language and has some reading, he’s fine. Make sure you read with him every day, particularly through the holidays and he will soon catch up. Also read to him lots.

He'll be fine. DD has had 2 pupils join year 2 from Hong Kong who haven't been to school before. They have been given extra bits to practise e.g. handwriting and are doing fine.

A PP suggested deferring him. I wouldn't defer him with an April birthday. He will likely have caught up in 6/12 months and socially should be with his age peers.

Reading Eggs is a popular app for teaching the basics of reading. Equally just read lots to him!

I know you are anxious about it. Of course you are. It's a huge life event you are all going through. He will be fine. He'll be like a sponge. He's only 5. Don't beat yourself up with competitive parenting.

I loved back to the UK at 9 after being in a hot country whose schools were open 8-12. I had to have extra lessons for an academic year to catch up. I was sad when the stopped but I did catch up.

At five your son should be fine. He hasn't missed much.

Don’t worry, at 5 your child will not really be behind many others (the pandemic has hit quite a few kids access to education) and even if he is, he will catch up so quickly.

I can guarantee there will be other things your child will be ahead on. Maybe it’s confidence with different cultures; or confidence outdoors; or physical skills. Most experts seem to agree now that until 6/7, play is the most important learning activity, in fact it’s the only essential thing.

He will have so many other skills that are impossible to substantiate with a tick box. I have taught children who arrive at 8 with limited reading writing skills and who learn so fast because they are ready. He’ll be fine.

We moved back from scandinavia and my children were very far academically behind. They are still catching up academically but because they had developed other skills so they were ahead in other areas. It all evens out in the end.

That's basically all they need to do anyway. The class is taught assuming none of the sc know anything so a basic grasp of numbers and the ability to write and recognise their name is absolutely fine. Knowing the alphabet and capital letter sounds like many dc do isn't particularly helpful at this stage it's ponies they need and that will be taught from scratch. Similarly it's not especially helpful being able to count to 100 if they don't really have a concept of what those numbers represent which is often what's seen in pre school dc. He's not behind at all imo

He's only 5. In my part of the UK we
Don't even start school till age 5.

You need to relax.

I have family living in Norway, where children don't even start school till the age of 6, and they haven't suffered so far! There's absolutely nothing to worry about, he'll catch up easily and he'll have experienced so much else in different ways by having lived in another country for the first few years of his life!

My dd didn't start school until 5.5 due to being in the USA (we returned to the U.K. and she went straight into year 1) please don't worry. He sounds like he's about where he should be at 5, I wouldn't worry about school immediately either, you can work on phonics and numeracy at home until you settle permanently, especially if it's only a few months and you are up for homeschooling. Use the time to spend time adjusting to time here

Reading Eggs is brilliant. It pretty much taught my DD to read during Covid lockdowns.

Is this a wind up? Your worry seems so disproportionate.

Don’t panic OP! He is still so young - he will catch up absolutely fine. In a lot of countries children don’t even start school until 6 or 7!

Don't worry at all - he's within the normal range and will fit in just fine.

Your biggest worry should be getting him into a good school. He's got ages to catchup, primary moves at a slow pace.

I would work with him over the holidays to help him catch up and do so in a fun and happy way. You are just about to move back now, so just relax and remember he is 5 not 15. He will get there. Enjoy being home and back with your family and friends.

It's just a different system with formal learning starting later. If you want to prep him now then work on behaviour, concentrating for short bursts , following instructions etc as I think the learning will have been more child and play led than it is here. It is fairly formal in reception.
But he will be totally fine

I’ve been going in to read with my son’s class this year (mixed age groups of years 1 and 2), and the next class up (years 3 and 4). The variation between the different children is huge. They are all individuals and learn at their own paces. When you only see your own it’s easy to get caught up in where they ‘should’ be, but honestly, they’re all doing things at their own pace. Your DS will soon catch up with anything he’s missed.

There's pretty good evidence that avoiding academic hothousing before 7 improves long term academic outcomes. You may have done him a great service by not subjecting him to that at 4.

While I agree there is no need to panic I would advise being very vigilant.

We moved back to the UK after a number of years in a continental system. In that system DS (7) had not yet started formal reading/writing.

While the school knew he had come in from a different system his teacher either wasn't aware or didn't understand there could be other systems. The teacher couldnt reconcile the ideas that DS could be completely fluent in English but not able to do formal academic work. DS ended up very unhappy.

We eventually had a meeting with the teacher. Things were put in place to help DS but those early weeks did a lot of damage.

We let DS down and I still feel guilty about it 15+ years later.

We did similar to you. We relocated from a forwent county with a different school system when my son was 5. I was so worried so I hired a tutor for eight weeks, but honestly even without that he was fine. The teachers know got to deal with kids at different levels. They learn so quickly at that age

He’s basically just missed reception which is all play based anyway. He doesn’t sound behind to me for a 5 year old