5 year old really struggling with reading/spelling

[ChessieFranceLynch]

DS is in Year 1 and the teacher pulled his Granny (she was picking DS up for me) to one side in the playground and said that DS had been upset and cried when doing a spelling test.
It has really upset me and I feel awful. DS is inquisitive and bright but seems to be really struggling with reading and literacy in general. When me and DH try and get him to read at home he really doesn't like it and I end up giving in as I don't want to make it an issue and make him hate learning.
When we catch him in the right mood he blends his words really well and his handwriting is coming on really well, but I know he isn't where he "should" be.
I am trying not to worry as I don't want to pass my anxiety on to him but I don't know what to do.
I work long hours and by the time I get home he is too tired to read. My DH picks him up from after school club most nights but finds it tricky to get DS to sit down and practice his reading.

I don't really know shy I'm posting but feel so crap about it. Im hoping other mumsnetters have been in a similar position and can advise.

I have tried apps like 'Teach your monster to read' but DS loses interest and I don't know if encouraging him to use devices is helpful,

Please help!

Just leave it. Not everyone reads fluently from the age of 4 or 5. Some children aren't interested at that age.

You could play word games instead of reading
play hide a seek with words on the walls -
pairs, marching games, snap - lots available in the shops or print at home.

Thank you - I needed to hear this. I'm perhaps expecting him to do too much. He really is a lovely, happy little boy. I just don't want him to struggle or feel bad 🙁

I am from another educational system (French) where it is the norm to do school work every single day from the youngest age. The trick, is to do it straight when you get home. A quick snack at the kitchen table, no toy, no screen (even in the car) , wash hands, sit down and do your 10-20 min.
It has to become a routine and if between school or after school club you do a pause , be it a trip to a cafe, the local Parc, any device even without a screen, your session will be a disaster.

Talk to your child, and tell him you have a strategy to make spelling easier . Have him practice the words, the blending, what he needs to read for school and then have your DH read another child, a proper one from a series, to him. Make reading a pleasure.

I don't think the teacher meant any criticism by having a word with Granny - she was just making her aware - you wouldn't want not to know if he'd been upset about something.

It's difficult finding a good time for reading if he's tired by the time you all get home. Can the after-school club help at all? Would mornings work better? Don't try and do too much at a time - even if you feel you need to make up for not having done it the previous couple of days.

Try sneaking in bits of reading - eg shopping lists. Put your meal plans on a cupboard door in the kitchen so he can look to see what's for dinner.

Are the spelling tests words they've been given to practise at home? (My DD had an after-school activity on the day the spelling lists were given out, and usually lost hers by the time she got home.)

Thank you that is really good advice. Me and DH are going to sit down together at the weekend and put a plan in place.
Thankfully DS isn't interested in his tablet and it doesn't really get used but he does ask to watch tv. Mostly we say reading first but sometimes (especially if we have to do work) the tv does come on.

Oh his teacher is lovely - apparently she was really kind and said that everyone learns at a different pace so I certainly don't have any I'll feeling towards her.
Thank you for your advice. I definitely need to break things down and think of new ways to encourage him.

In a similar situation we did more reading with DS. I felt it wasn't lack of ability, just lack of practice which we were avoiding for similar reasons. The teacher suggested pointing to the words as he reads, which does help him focus and also could do read a page, pointing to the words as I read them then go back and point to the words as he reads them. On nights reading was too much I'd read the readers to him pointing at the words as I do, with him not reading at all. Often he'd start chiming in with words after a page or two. We do actually read straight after dinner, not long before bed, DS won't change because that's the time we started with and he refuses to read any other time, he's Autistic. I know others who have done it in the morning, but our morning's are too chaotic for that.

Forgot to add it was really hard getting him to do it at first but after maybe 2 weeks it became part of our routine, he started getting better and now doesn't like to miss it. He'd decided he couldn't do it and he's really stubborn, so had to get him past that.

If he watches tv first, you will have a very hard time.
But don't make it conditional, in the sense of do your homework first, or no tv, but simply state, things are done in a specific order, like you would put sock first then shoes or wet hair first and shampoo second. Make it a joke, imagine brushing teeth first and then putting toothpaste second.

Just say, that's how things are done. Don't argue, don't explain. Just do.

And tell your DH to stick to it. No phones on the table or in his hands. No work email or text.

It will become an habit and be easier.

Thanks so much for the link - very kind of you.

Little and often definitely seems best. We looked through his pirate pop up book today and I got him to sound out some of the words. We then did his school reading book and a couple of spellings. It was 20 mins max but he did so well. Just going to try and chip away.

Read TO him, every night. So he learns that books are a pleasure and fun.

Bright child, difficulties with reading? Keep dyslexia in mind if he doesn't improve...

My son couldn't read properly until the end of year 1. It just clicked for him and suddenly he could read entire chapter books by himself
. I really wouldn't worry about it at the beginning of Y1. They all do it in their own time. Very surprised that they are doing spelling tests in Y1. That only starts in Y3 at my DC school

I honestly wouldn't push it. Neither of my older ones cracked reading until 6. I didn't want them to see reading as a chore, I wanted them to love reading. So I read to them loads but never forced them to read. They are now complete book worms and reading well above their age. They both read Harry Potter in year 2 and my eldest had a reading age of 16 at 10 years old.

Oh these replies are making me feel a little less anxious - thank you.

I read a bedtime story or 3, every night and I try to explain to him how books are wonderful as you can get lost in a story, he does enjoy being read to. He has reassured me a lot today as I can see he can do it, he just needs a lot of reassurance and something that interests him.

I did wonder if he may be showing signs of being dyslexic, but on the occasions he does sit down with me and focus, he doesn't seem to have trouble with sounding and blending the words.

We have parents evening this month so I will have chance to speak to his teacher one to one xx

Thanks again for all your replies

Dyslexia is more than reading and spellings, it’s focus, time keeping and memory issues.

One of the first signs is hearing issues as toddlers and speech delay -

There are 37 signs of dyslexia if you look they usually need 10 to be diagnosed my sone hit 28!

Generally students are diagnosed at university, because my son is so sever I never realized my daughter was struggling. She’s going to ask to be tested at college. They have a ceiling.

Have a look into Monster Phonics books they are worth pursuing.

Seems strange the teacher would have this conversation with granny rather than you? If there was an ongoing problem you’d think she’d talk directly to the parent. Are you are your mum/MIL isn’t being interfering and asked the teacher about it?

I understand your concern Op. Ds had the same issues when he was young .
I don’t think that you should panic, but I would take some steps to help him.
What I did was use some simple phonics type workbooks which would start with basic phonic sounds , then simple blends and then gradually build up to sounds such as ought/ eigh etc
I also made cards with the most common words that he would come into contact with (such as , and/ because/ know/why etc) and we would practise them for ten minutes each night. This was useful as it helped his reading flow and meant that he didn’t need to apply his phonics knowledge to everything. He could just recognise the words on sight.
At the weekend we would do thirty minutes which would be split into two fifteen minute sessions.
I tried to make it fun and there were certain words that we would have a little dance to every time he recognised them.
He thrived and did really well in his year 6 SATS exams

Sometimes they do this IME. I remember a Reception teacher raising a minor behaviour issue with DS' childminder (who in turn dealt with it differently than I would have chosen) and I was quite upset about it all. I can see both sides though.

OP re reading, I wish I'd had the confidence with my DC1 to just relax and trust he would get there and keep the stress of homework out of our home. I really dislike when schools or parents describe listening to a child read as a kind of non-homework, pleasurable and easy and just five mins blah blah. That's not true if your child is stressed by it.

More constructively, as others have said, little and often and mine always found far more enthusiasm for reading he perceived as purposeful. Recipes, maps, he used to like reading shop names or bus destinations on the way home. I think he found the gap between the quality of book i could read to him vs the quality of book he could decode himself quite dispiriting - if you're used to beautiful, interesting stories, then nonsense about Bob Bug's mum's bag is not exactly inspiring. I guess for children who don't find it such a struggle, this makes less difference, but it compounded matters for us.

My eldest used to hate reading. I think the trick is little and often. Sometimes I'd read a line and then he'd read a line, or the same with pages or words. Eventually he got more confident and he lives reading now.

The teacher only spoke to Granny because she was picking him up that day. She wasn't speaking to her at length or about being concerned. It was more that she was explaining that he had been upset as they had just done a spelling test at 2:30pm and DS got a little teary. Apparently she was very kind and just said that all children learn at their own pace.
Im the one that's more concerned as I want to help him and don't want him to feel upset. I feel guilty as I work full time and have a long commute. By the time I get home it's nearly bed time and DS is too tired to concentrate properly. I'm sure if the teachers felt like there was a serious problem they would contact me directly. I will ask her more in depth at parents evening.

Do not follow this advice! Once children get behind it’s hard to get back on top of things. I’m a teacher and I hear so many parents say ‘They’re only young, they need to have fun then they’ll learn’ Yes ideally that would be true but the reality is children benefit so much from an extra boost at home.

There’s lots of ways to encourage reading e.g. reading eggs app, reading together (you read a sentence, he reads a sentence), going on a word hunt by hiding words around the house finding them and reading them. Can you fit in 5 minutes before school? Timetable time in over the weekend If you’re not reading at all in the week try and get a few sessions in the weekend e.g. first thing and again later on. Make it enjoyable. We get in bed with a pile of books, When they were younger they’d do their reading then I’d read a story or two. Go to the library and find books at his level (they have very early reader books there) to give variety but prioritise the school books.
Another tip is to buy phonics flash cards with the sounds on. They could be practised in the car on the way out whilst he’s still fresh. If he does it everyday without a fuss he could get a small treat.

Whatever you do, don’t leave it and hope it gets better on its own. Good luck!

I used to help out in my DS2’s class from Reception. I can honestly say there were some children who could read quite well, but 3/4 start of year one were really just starting, my own DS included. My 2 DC are chalk and cheese, the older loved reading and homework was done as soon as he got home and wanted more. My DS2 hated learning and put off any reading or homework as long as he could. So we did it as soon as he got home, just 10 minutes to start. When the children read to me, I could tell which ones didn’t get help with reading at home so those were the ones I mainly focused on, some really wanted help. I think the teacher wanted to warn Granny that he was upset and may mention the spellings rather than there being a problem.